


Finding Swan

by capnvanillawithsprinkles, Xevn



Series: Queries to Human Resources [4]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Anal, Anal Fingering, Anal Play, Anal Plug, Anal Sex, BDSM, Body Dysmorphic Disorder, Bondage, Boss/Employee Relationship, Depression, Dildos, Dom Evil Queen | Regina Mills, Dysfunctional Family, Educational, F/F, F/M, FTM, Family Issues, Gender Dysphoria, Gender Identity, Homophobia, LGBTQ Character, LGBTQ Themes, Mild Painplay, Mildly Dubious Consent, Name Changes, Sexuality Crisis, Trans Male Character, Transgender Emma, Transitioning, Transphobia, noorificeissafeXD, omg
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-04
Updated: 2020-07-12
Packaged: 2020-07-31 11:17:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 52,997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20114245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/capnvanillawithsprinkles/pseuds/capnvanillawithsprinkles, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xevn/pseuds/Xevn
Summary: E. Swan has begun his transition from F to M. With the help of his dear friend who happens to be the head of HR, Regina Mills, he goes on a journey to discover his true self. The two enamored idiots just might find the love of their life along the way.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Xevn's experiences transitioning have inspired yet another one. I hope someday to finally finish one of the others. I have finished moving, but my whole life is still in boxes...
> 
> Anyone wishing to support Xevn on his journey to his true gender....https://www.gofundme.com/f/ypfak9-top-surgery?utm_source=customer&utm_medium=copy_link&utm_campaign=p_cp+share-sheet

“Hold still.” She let out a low annoyed growl and pinched a clump of skin together.

“FUCK that hurts!” Recoiling from the pain the blonde slide forward from the woman’s grasp.

Flustered Regina stood back, “I’ve had weaker submissives handle a lot more pain than a simple pinch and they never once flinched.”

“Yeah well, they subscribe to that kind of thing, me not so much.” The blonde instinctually went to rub the abused flesh and received a harsh slap on the hand. “HEY!”

“Don’t touch.” Both lock eyes in a challenging stare. “Don’t test me, Swan. You will not win.” Reluctantly, the blonde slid back into place. “Good, now hold still.” Carefully bunching the pale meat, she tossed a glance up at the panic-struck features. “Just breathe.” 

“I am breathing,” Swan replied through clenched teeth.

“Most people don’t have a faint blue tinge to their lips when oxygen is absorbed. Funny, I never noticed that didn’t apply to you.” The blonde’s eyes narrowed at Regina’s sarcastically astute observation before swiveling their head forward and letting out an annoyed breath.

Rolling her eyes, Regina settled her focus back onto her task. With a precise flick of her wrist, she drove the needle deep into the skin. “Aspirate!” The blonde choked out.

“I did.” 

“Then hurry up and get that thing out of me before it breaks off and I die!” The feminine softness in his tone fluctuating with the thickening vocal cords ended his rant on an uncomfortable squeak. He may not have noticed it, but Regina did.

Thankful that her ‘patient’ couldn’t see the amused smirk on her face, she continued to play snarky doctor. “You didn’t fuss this much in the doctor’s office.” She pressed down the plunger, her thumb straining a little to drive the liquid through the needle. “Wow, they weren’t kidding when they said this stuff is thick. Maybe we should have gone with a 20 gauge.”

“NOPE, I am not going any bigger.” 

“I guess you would have size issues when your pants are down.” Flipping dark hair out of her eyes, Regina’s orbs traced over the pale round cheek still not covered by her friend. Committing the image to memory, she teased the man. “So, how does that work? Because you have realized that you are a man you suddenly have to worry about the size?”

The blonde scoffed in response to fidgeting.

“Right, next time you get to try and then we’ll see what your thumb says.” She plucked the needle out and applied the band-aid. Giving the recently punctured meat a loving pat, a smirk formed on her lips. “There, two down and a lifetime more to go. Who knows? Maybe you will get brave enough to manage this alone.” She flashed a devious smile. “But, I wouldn’t mind inflicting a little pain regularly if that’s your wish.”

The blonde pulled up his pants and relaxed back on the couch, wishing to be absorbed by the soft suede. “Ugh, I can’t believe I chose this.”

“You didn’t choose it; you ran to it. The second the light bulb flashed on in that brain of yours, you have been desperately chasing after this life. I’ve never seen someone so driven before. This is who you are.” 

Swan sighed before turning tired green eyes on the woman of his dreams and nightmares. “Oh yeah, I know that. What I meant was-- I can’t believe I choose the Mistress of pain package.”

Regina scoffed, “Mr. Swan, I take offense. I provided the ‘Annoyed best friend’ package. Considering how much you squirmed, you would have bolted if I let the Mistress off the leash.”

As much as he hated to admit it, his eyes focussed on his friend’s tongue as it snaked out to lick across luscious--no-plump lips. “Are you wearing MAC’s Lady Danger again?”

The brunette pursed her lips. “You know that it should have been named after me. It seemed appropriate.”

“And, don’t use my last name like that. Now I sound like an aging literature teacher that pervs on his students and wears tweed and clips on bow ties.”

“Right, then what am I supposed to call you? And before you bring it up again, I will not call you ‘Sir.’” She drawled out the title with a disgruntled hiss.

“Really? Because it seems to be just you annoyed with it. Which I don’t get at all.”

“Of course you don’t get it, it’s a lifestyle thing. My lifestyle. If I start calling you ‘Sir’ all the time I am going to resent you. ‘Sir’ is used as a Male Dom term. Like Master, but less self-absorbed. So no. Try again.”

“Em?” He sheepishly suggested.

“Seriously?” Regina’s features went slack, “It’s been a year and a half, you still don’t know what your name is?” She asked with dulled enthusiasm. 

“Whoa, listen, lady, I am gonna be stuck with the name for the rest of my life. I haven’t a clue what sounds like me yet. I don’t want to resent myself for it.”

“Emmett.”

“What?” Befuddled, he furrowed his brows waiting for the explanation he wasn’t sure he wanted.

“Emmett. That’s what I am going to call you until you figure it out.”

“But Em is cute.” He whined, and Regina wondered if he was trying to equate cuteness with a whiny chihuahua. 

“No. You aren’t going for cute. You are going for sexy, handsome, and inherently annoying. Emmett is close to damn it, and you drive me nuts with your antics. So I am calling you Emmett. Consider it motivation to getting a name you want.” She held up her hand, ending the conversation. “After that ordeal, I’m feeling a need for a rich red.” 

The blonde remained seated, contemplating the name with an absent look. A noticeable hiss of a beer bottle opening piqued his interest. “Here Emmett, come here, boy.” Regina’s teasing tone carried from the kitchen.

“I fucking hate that name.” He grumbled under his breath. Standing up, he met the brunette’s smug look.

“Either come up with something better or quit pouting pretty man.” She handed him a beer. “Not to change the topic, but when will I get to see your lovely face in my office to begin the paperwork?”

“I’m not pretty.” He scuffed his shoe along the edge of her cabinet. 

“Pet, I would stop that now before I decide to discipline you. You might not be an avid participant in this lifestyle, but I am. Who knows? The Evil Queen might help you find your name?” Her mind was already racing with the sensual imagery of having him tied to a chair with a blindfold over his eyes as she relentlessly teased his fair skin with the soft fluff of a peacock feather — excellent fodder to add more fuel to the burning arousal between her legs.

Swan cocked his head to the side and stroked his still hairless chin. “I’m not your pet.” He mumbled. Repeating the title only solidified a desire he secretly chased. The more he verbally denied his interest, the more he internally craved it.

“Oh, don’t I know it. But, we’ve known each other for years. I was the first person who asked if you might be a man trapped in a woman’s body. I was the first person to help you go clothes shopping to find a style that more suited who you really are. I’m the closest friend you have, and yet you follow nearly every direction I ever give you.”

“I do not.” Em’s eyes flashed defiantly with this turn in the conversation.

Regina’ pursed her lips again, this time angrily. She snapped her fingers and pointed at a chair. Involuntarily, his knees buckled dropping into the waiting seat. “I rest my case, Everett. No, that doesn’t work how about Esteban?”

He rolled his eyes. “You’ve got to be kidding. With my lily-white ass shining in your face ten minutes ago you would think you would realize that doesn’t work.”

Growling, she poured a second glass of wine for herself. The first had disappeared faster than she wanted without alleviating any of her growing arousal. She sucked her teeth and glared at her friend. She didn’t like his tone.

“Mr. Swan, it’s a beautiful name whether or not you are of the proper ethnicity. And, it was my father’s middle name, so consider your words carefully. If you aren’t careful, I might call you Fuckit.”

Suitably chagrined, the blonde sipped his beer and kept a trained eye on his friend.

“You know you didn’t answer my first question. When do you want to begin the process of transitioning at work? You’ve been taking the injections for a couple of months. Your voice is changing a little.”

“You noticed.” Elation crawled across his lips, and for a second, he relaxed.

Regina’s lips curled into a smirk. “Of course, I did. I bet that I noticed before you did. Now, quit avoiding the question, when?”

Nursing his beer, he toyed with the bottle between his fingers. This was a topic he dreaded. Brave enough to chase a needle, but scared to death of confrontation. It didn’t matter that others were going through their own transition openly at work. It was just him in his department. “I am not sure I am ready for it.” He gulped down the bottle and placed it on the table. 

A frown tugged at Regina’s lips, “Talk to me. I haven’t the ability to read minds.” 

“I am afraid, terrified of being looked upon as a hideous malformity. I’ve seen the inbetweeners go through all kinds of cruel mocking. I don’t want to see the judgemental looks. It would be easier if I was already done transitioning and just started the job with none the wiser.” He sighed and slumped forward in the chair. 

The mood teetered on a sour note, and one Regina refused to allow to exist a second longer. Crossing the short distance, she clasped her fingers around his smooth jaw and firmly drew his attention towards her confident gaze. “You need to speak with the Pride committee’s chairman.” She matter-of-factly stated. “Though if anyone did mock you or make any judgemental statements, I will skip straight to their immediate termination.” She deviously purred, letting a finger trace over his bottom lip. “As the HR director, I can find grounds for termination with a speed God would envy.” She watched the tension drain from his face from the warm words

Both lingered at the moment, hesitant to leave and continue this dance around the topic on their minds. 

‘She always does this-- pushing all the right buttons to get me stirred up and yet…’ his thoughts halted with the chime of her phone’s text notification slicing through the static silence.

Regina reluctantly released her grasp and turned back towards the counter where her phone rested. With her back facing him, he let a disappointed frown form across his face. 

**Needy Bitch: Mistress, I know you said no texting tonight, but I’ve been a bad girl. I’m in desperate need of punishment.**

An image followed the message. 

Raising an eyebrow, she studied the curvaceously round set of pale butt cheeks with the tempting words ‘spank me’ written over them in red ink. Any other night she would have been pleased by the picture, maybe even a little turned on by it, but tonight it was an unwelcome interruption.

She turned ever so slightly to rest her hip against the cabinet door while her thumbs typed a storm of letters. A stoic facade concealed her thoughts, leaving Em to wonder what type of conversation was taking place.

**Seeking a punishment after I ordered you not to text me until tomorrow isn’t going to earn you what you crave. I will be blocking you for the next three days.**

Stealing a glance at the blonde’s downtrodden expression, plucked a string of guilt in her heart. She smashed the delete button and started again.

**Needy bitches don’t get attention when they disobey me. You are blocked until I feel like dealing with you.**

She sent the message and quickly entered the settings menu to swipe the block toggle to the on position. She powered down the device and set it back on the countertop. 

“I suppose you have to leave now? I’m sure whoever that was requires your attention?” 

Regina hated the crestfallen countenance that overwhelmed her Swan. “I’m all yours for the evening. Are we going out or would you like me to cook something?”

  
  
  
  


  
  
  
  


  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	2. Chasing Swan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Regina decides its time to make Em man-up so to speak...and they also find his name.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't help but enjoy Xevn taking the lead on this one. I have more than a little bit of a sneaking suspicion that some of the details may come from personal experience.

**The scraping sound of Swan's shifting feet grated on the Director of Human Resources last nerve.**

**"Enough. Stop your fidgeting." **

**Regina's eyes traced the slumped shoulders and his bent head. 'This will not do.' As the door opened, she smacked the closest butt-cheek with her hand. "Heads up, Swan. Come along, pretty man. We've got work to do."**

**Swan turned his head and gave the brunette an incredulous look, "That's harassment."**

**"Duh, head of HR." She teased, pointing to herself. "Loosen-up. This is a good meeting. I promise." Departing the elevator, she patted at her thigh, "Come here, Evan, follow me."**

**"NOPE, not Evan." He growled. **

**"True. You would be more of an Evinrude than an Evan. And, that name is too long to be worth it." **

**"How's that?"**

**"Can you imagine me shouting Evinrude when I cum?"**

**His gait faltered as he tried to clear the image from his head. One well-manicured eyebrow shot upward while a smirk played across blood-red lips. Em rolled his eyes and muttered quietly to himself. A short while later they stopped at an office door. The blonde's lips curled in disgust as the unmistakably perky sound of Pharrell's 'Happy' played painfully on the other side of the door. Giving the door two swift knocks, Regina waited. "Come on in!" **

**When they entered the small office space, Em's sensibilities felt assaulted by the epitome of unicorn vomit. His preference for the monochromatic spectrum suffered from seeing stacks of sparkly rainbow-colored material littered the room and nearly hid the man behind the desk.**

**"Oh, god. Did he dust the place with unicorn glitter?" Em's disdain covered the crack in his voice.**

**"Regina! So awesome to see you!"**

**The chirpy, ecstatic quality of the pride leader sent a shiver down the blonde's spine.**

**Spring to his feet and clapping his hands together, Jefferson's purple silk top hat shifted precariously to the left. "You've brought me fresh meat!" His eyes narrowed on the shrinking blonde as he greeted them with a toothy grin.**

**"Down, boy." Regina chuckled capturing the man in a warm hug. "This is Erin…" She smirked and let the name soak for a beat enjoying the varying shades the blonde's face was turning, "Mr. Swan." Then she quickly corrected herself. "He hasn't figured out the first name yet, so we've been testing new ones until one sticks."**

**Shaking his head, "More like tormenting him." He squeezed past her and held out his hand, "Mr. Swan, it's a pleasure to make your acquaintance, I'm Jefferson, Pride Leader." **

**Reciprocating the handshake, "Pleasure." He gritted out between clenched teeth, a little miffed that Regina decided for him on when things would progress at work for his transition.**

**Sensing the blonde's tension, "Relax, I am here to help and will not push you to do anything until you are ready. Regina was right to bring you to me. Keeping yourself in a closet doesn't help you grow. I'm here to help you, especially since physical changes are happening that you have no control over. I've got someone who has been through the process that can help. I'll get you his number so you two can talk. As for sharing your authentic self at work, I've got some advice and can send a message to your management team to help make you comfortable." He gestured towards the awaiting chair opposite of him, "Take a seat, and we can make a plan that works for you." **

**Two lo-carb monsters and four turns of a clock later, Em was bouncing off the walls of his cubicle. **

**Aleksander: I bet you have a ton of questions :) **

**He stared at the text, fingers itching to spill forth all the thoughts on his mind, but Em didn't know the protocol or social etiquettes when talking to another trans person which spiked his anxiety. He didn't want to come across as rude or intrusive and push away the one person who understood what he was going through. So he left the message hanging there without a response, pretending to be busy with work until he could find the right words to send back. All he managed to do for the few hours since returning to his desk was stare blankly at the text trying to will the right words onto the screen.**

**"It's beer o'clock, you comin' Emma?" The gruff tone caused him to jerk up from the desk and spin his head to meet August's grimacing features. "Sorry, Em." **

**The blonde flashed a friendly smile, "It's alright. I don't expect everyone to nail it right away."**

**"Well, I'm also sorry about startling you. Didn't mean to interrupt your heavy concentration." He nervously chuckled. "Nolan and I were heading to the bar for a much-needed start to the weekend. We were wondering if you wanted to join us, that is if you don't have plans."**

**Gripping his phone, Em rocked on his feet, trying to form a polite refusal. "I've got plans with Ms. Mills, thanks though." If laying in bed watching Netflix counted as plans, it wouldn't have been a lie.**

**"Oh, you brave soul. How you managed to maintain a safe relationship with the Evil Queen is a mystery." Shaking his head with a smile, "If you survive, you're welcome to join us next time."**

**"Thanks, I'll keep it in mind. Have a good weekend." **

**"You too." August nodded then head down the row of cubicles, apparently bumping into the Evil Queen on his exit. "Night, Ms. Mills."**

**"Goodnight, Mr. Booth." The velvety seductive tone carried across the cubical block, piquing the blonde's attention. **

**'Whelp, at least I'm not a liar.' He thought, shrinking down into his chair. 'Now, how do I politely decline another night of sexual tension that goes nowhere?' As much as he wanted to maintain his friendship, the second puberty was worsening his sex drive. Vying for the woman's affection seemed to be a dead-end, especially since she had a plethora of partners at her fingertips that met her qualifications.**

**Even on the carpet, the Queen's heels clicked, alerting to the woman's proximity. Swan, didn't need to turn from his position to know it was Regina darkening his 'office.' "Ernst, your Uber has arrived." Regina gleefully announced**

**"Hey." Em dully responded, waving her in. "And, absolutely not."**

**Humming her thoughts, Regina rolled a chair over to his section. "Okay, what's on your mind? Obviously, something is bothering you." She watched him meticulously closing out of his systems, knowing it was an attempt to avoid eye contact.**

**"Just tired 'is all." He breathed out. Selecting to restart windows, he stood up and turned to her with his eyes cast to the floor. "Ready to go?" **

**Trapping him at work with a pointed question wouldn't be conducive for her interrogation; instead, she opted to pretend the oppressive atmosphere surrounding him was non-existent. "Yep." **

**The air was suffocating within the tight confines of the Mercedes. Another glance at the blonde found him in the same position with his eyes glued to his phone. Had he been surfing the net or scrolling facebook, his thumbs would have moved. "Are you waiting for a message or contemplating sending one?" She cautiously asked.**

**"Contemplating." He mumbled.**

**With no other information to go on she hazard to probe further, "Aleksander?"**

**"Yep. Don't know how to do this." He bluntly stated.**

**'I bet he's worried about being intrusive, always so considerate.' She thought. "Thank you for taking the time to help me, I don't want to come across as rude or intrusive, so if I ask something you're uncomfortable discussing let me know. Or, something along those lines." She didn't have to look to see that his jaw had fallen into his lap. "My lifestyle requires me to be apt in reading people. There is a lot of tentative exploration to ensure comfortable limits. Made plenty of mistakes, but none that were irreversible. Just don't be a dick." She shot him a wink.**

**"If I had one, then it would be a concern." He quipped. Hesitantly he typed out the message and hovered over the send button.**

**Exiting the freeway, she rolled up to the stoplight, gaining a moment to face him. "Should I send it for you too?" Dark Chocolate orbs stared him down.**

**Em's features scrunched a furrow in is borrow, "No." He defiantly stated, mashing the send button with excessive force.**

**"Good boy," Regina smirked then focused back on the road. "So my place or yours, Ethan?"**

**'Right, I was looking to avoid this awkwardness.' He shifted in his seat, totally ignoring her attempt to goad him, "How about dinner first? My treat?" **

**The brunette rolled her eyes, "Let me guess, gut searing tacos and beer chuggers?"**

**"Or…"**

**"If you say pizza, I will murder you."**

**"I was gonna say Italian." His statement earned a cold glare from the brunette, "Right, so I guess burgers and wine wouldn't be your thing either?"**

**"You wouldn't be trying to bribe me with wine, right Swan?"**

**"Is it working?" He sheepishly asked.**

**"You can have a burger…" She waited for him to stop vibrating in his seat, "But you are limited to one beer." If he were a puppy, both ears would have been drooping. **

**"Fine." He whined. **

**Slumped in his seat, he felt his phone vibrating in his pocket. Peaking at the message alert on the home screen, his heart climbed up his throat.**

**1 New Message from Aleksander**

**He thumbed the message open.**

**Aleksander: No worries, I'm an open book. So what's on your mind?**

**'Loads, but where should I start?' Em's mind churned again. **

**When did you know? **

**He pocketed his phone, just as Regina found a spot and parked. "Shall we?"**

**It didn't take long for them to be seated, but within the short time, a stream of messages flooded his phone. Em, tried to keep evenly balanced attention on his friend, but his curiosity distracted him with each new message. Regina felt more like a third wheel after their order had arrived, even her comment about the giant mug of beer was ignored. With his eyes glued to the phone, she was left having a conversation with herself. **

**With his phone's battery on its last bar, he finally started turning the backlight off after he sent a response. **

**"Would you like a box, ma'am?" The server asked. He stared off, beer warmly swimming in his head. "Ma'am?"**

**"Em, she's talking to you." Regina snapped.**

**Shaking his head, he awkwardly looked down at his plate. His burger stared back at him with two small bites taken out of it. "Yes, please." Forcing out a feminine tone, he was too embarrassed to correct the waitress on the proper pronoun and even more worried about embarrassing Regina with the awkwardness that would unfold if he did.**

**With the server gone, he glanced up at the fuming beauty, "Sorry, Aleks was sharing his coming out story."**

**"There is a time and place for that. When you invited me out to eat, I didn't know I was going to be dining alone while you talked with your new friend." Irritation rang in her tone, "Part two better make up for this, or I am punishing you."**

**Puzzlement screwed Em's features, "Part two?" **

**"My place for dessert." A devious smile crawled across her face, "I offered something better than the cardboard brownie substitute." Her irritated tone melted away into a seductive purr. "You agreed to it." She matter of factly stated and enjoyed the way he was squirming in his chair. "Afraid to be alone with me?" Her features narrowed into a challenging gaze.**

**Trying to get a bead on the jarring array of subtext, Em shrank further in his chair. 'Wasn't I trying to avoid this?' He felt the hungry glare of the lioness staring him down, sending an electrifying thrill through his spine. A painful, yet pleasurable, twitch alerted him to his changed anatomy. 'Not now, turtle.' Mentally chiding the swelling bud nestled between his warming sex, he let an annoyed groan escape his lips.**

**Noting his flushed complexion and clenching jaw, she assumed he was uncomfortably aroused. A small success, but she didn't want to queue him into the game she was playing. Instead, Regina feigned hurt, "Is my company that repulsive?" **

**Nearly choking on his breath, Em clutched a hand over his bits, trying to will his tiny erection away. "No! Sorry, I just pinched myself shifting. My jeans aren't playing nice with the turtle." Embarrassed he said the nickname aloud, he didn't dare look up.**

**Intrigued, she leaned forward, "Turtle?" **

**'Yep, she heard it. There goes my chance of going home alone.' Peering up, "I am NOT discussing it here." Regina was practically devouring him with her eyes. 'God, she is like a dog with a fucking bone. And I am the bone.' He grimaced. "Just wait until we get back to your place before you pounce." **

**Utilizing the table kiosk, he quickly paid the bill before the waitress could return with his box. Standing on wobbly legs, he regretted having the macho mug of beer, but that was less of a problem compared to the throbbing pleasure building in his far too tight pants. Each step had his jeans rubbing against his engorged clit. 'Fuck me.' A subtle whine shot from his mouth. Widening his stride, he looked like a bow-legged cowboy which drew a chuckle from his friend. "Not a fucking word." He growled. **

**Crossing the threshold of Regina's luxurious apartment, Swan worked the button fly of his jeans. Relief washed over him briefly before the brunette's talons dug into his shoulders and stopped him in his tracks. **

**With her hot breath teasing his neck, "Did you think to ask my permission before stripping in my domain?" The seductive rasp intoxicated his mind, stirring another painful twitch between his thighs. She delighted in the sound of his confused whimper, waiting for an answer, but took pity on him. "Kidding." She laughed. "But for your sake, keep the boxers on." Swatting him on the butt, she left him standing in the hallway.**

**'She's trying to kill me.' He thought. His eyes glued to the hypnotizing sway of her curvy ass walk away. 'Cause of death: stroke, aneurysm, heart attack, and blood loss. Poor fucker experienced it all before ever achieving an orgasm.' He groaned.**

**"Remove your shoes, then meet me in the dining room for dessert." Regina shouted, "And for the love of God, lose the pants before your turtle snaps again." **

**Turning more shades of red than he thought possible, "How the fuck does she do that? Get out of my head woman." **

**It took every bit of effort to remove the suffocatingly tight denim without tumbling over. His sock covered feet couldn't keep traction on the polished wood floor, and after nearly face planting two times, he finally freed himself from their death grip. Way after the fact he removed his socks and cursed his inebriated stupidity. **

**Entering the dining room, his heart almost punched through his chest. Provocatively posed over a chair, Regina let an arm drop-down, patting the seat with a beckoning hand. "Do you trust me?" **

**"No," his vocal cords betrayed him by squeaking. **

**Dark eyes narrowed his direction. **

**"I mean I trust you more than I trust anyone else, me included. But, even my body doesn't do what I want. So…" he shrugged and shot pleading eyes at the woman staring him down.**

**"Sit." She snapped. All humor and patience disappeared from Regina's visage. **

**Em's knees buckled, dropping him gracelessly into his designated seat.**

**"I've taken pity. I've been more patient and forgiving with you than I have any other person on the planet. But, tonight you have been self-absorbed and inconsiderate. I don't appreciate that. I will NOT tolerate it. Not again."**

**Turning her back to him, she stalked across the room to the bar, lifted a decanter, and poured one glass. **

**The blonde shifted behind her. The swollen nub throbbed painfully in time with his quickening pulse as green eyes devoured every movement the brunette made.**

**"Sit still. I did not give you permission to move."**

**Em gulped loudly.**

**Regina slammed the glass on the wooden bar top snatching something the blonde could not discern from a wooden box to his left. Caramel eyes burned with fury. **

**"Sit up and back."**

**Immediate obedience brought the woman to sit across his lap. "Now listen carefully. Speak when told to do so. I expect quiet. Stillness is as important." Her fingers plucked at the ropes tied around his wrists.**

**"When did you do that?"**

**Regina grabbed his tie, twisted and pulled him forward. "I said, do not speak until you are directed to do so."**

**Em paled. One red nail trailed the sharp line of his jaw. **

**"Now, I know you did not agree to this. However, you will enjoy it. The ropes prevent you from scurrying away, but you, my dear. You need me. My skillset is the answer to your largest problem."**

**Using her left hand, she pushed until his back met the chair. "Well, Elliot, you have upset your Queen. What are you going to do about it?"**

**"I have no idea." He squeaked.**

**His head spun sharply away with the force of the slap.**

**"Shit. That hurts."**

**Red nails bit into his cheeks as she squeezed his jaw. "Emerson, I didn't give you permission to speak."**

**He pursed his lips in disgust at the name. **

**"Better." She carefully inspected the glowing cheek of her friend. He panted helplessly in front of her. "That name won't do either. Hmm." She continued sitting across his knees. She allowed one hand to trace down his tightly bound chest, smoothing the fabric of his shirt. She wondered what it would feel like to him if there wasn't a constrictive binder, would the thoughtful caress be welcomed or uncomfortable. But it was a thought for another time. "Someone's breathing has picked up. Let's see if I can encourage that shall we?" **

**She flicked the top two buttons of his shirt open drinking in the pale skin glowing from between the blue broadcloth. **

**He involuntarily whimpered as Regina's weight shifted in his lap.**

**"Did I disturb your turtle?" **

**The unmistakable smirk on her lips made him wonder how much of an accident that hip wiggle truly was. Her sudden movements shocked him out of his thoughts. The warmth from her thighs vanished as she retrieved her drink and slowly meandered his direction. **

**Standing behind his chair, Regina let out an erotic moan. "Oh, Edwin."**

**The whispering hiss of something smoothing over silk brought the vivid image or olive tone hands scraping over her body.**

**Em shook off the vision of Regina writhing by her own hand. Fingers pulled his hair, disrupting his thoughts. **

**"Edward, I want you."**

**The husked words sent a jolt of excitement through his chest, as warmth pooled low in his gut. Blood pulsed thickly in his ears and swelled between his thighs. The sensations she provoked drove him to the point of madness, and his lips tremble wordless pleas for relief. He slammed his eyes closed, trying to regain control of his senses before he crossed a line that would end in rejection. He had to remind himself Regina was a friend; this wasn't anything more than her getting him a name that fit. 'Hang in there, little guy.' He whimpered as his mind tormented him with images every man dreaded, his being the special case of nothing big lost.**

**A firm hand wrenched around his neck and knocked the base of his skull into the hard wooden back of the chair, "No, Em, no hiding in your mind. Stay here." Dark irises pierced through the fog bogging his awareness as deft fingers freed more of the buttons of his shirt.**

**Red lips parted as her eyes drifted down the exposed path of his abdomen, "God, Ellis, what I would give to taste..." her tongue darted out and traced along her lips.**

**His pulse doubled. He hated how she toyed with him. 'She's only having her fun to get me a name.' He fretted, reminding himself again this wasn't foreplay. His eyes drifted closed as he fought to hide his disappointment.**

**But it wasn't fast enough. Regina caught the glimmer. If she was reading the situation right, her blonde companion wanted this to be more than a relentless tease. 'Maybe he would be willing to explore a deeper relationship...but it could also be his hormones.' Lingering longer in her rumination than she intended, Regina set back to her task. "Eli. Focus on me, dear." **

**One eye popped open to see Regina clad in a black lace bra, her pencil skirt, and her heels. One drop of sweat fell from her drink trailing into the valley between her breasts. 'God she's so fucking close.' Lust blown eyes traced the flesh.**

**"Honey, you can't be an Emery. Could you?"**

**The breathy tone of her voice made that tiny demon in his pants twitch. He shifted his hips, trying to move the material away from the sensitive member.**

**"Oh. I think I'm getting closer." She hummed leaning in, accidentally allowing him a clear view down her blouse as she leaned forward. Regina's sharp nails tracked painstakingly slow up his arm.**

**"I don't know about you, but I think we are still wearing too many clothes. Hmm?" She leaned close to his ear and popped open the front clasp of her bra. "Ooh, Emil, you are so sexy." She moaned.**

**Em launched forward attempting to touch the supple flesh. "God, Regina, can you say that again?" He panted out in a trembling voice, his body straining against the ropes to reach her.**

**"You are so sexy?" She purred, purposely leaving out the name and slide back just out of sight. He felt her presence circling behind him, her heels clicking a slow stalking beat.**

**Disappointment stifled his efforts, "No, the name. What did you say?" He snarked, frustrated, and teetering on the verge of too aroused to be pleasurable.**

**A sharp slap disoriented him, "Fuck, Regina!" He spat, working his sore jaw.**

**"It's your majesty." The cold, wicked tone curled around his ear as a warmly-wet spongy digit tentatively traced behind the shell earning a shudder from the latter. "Say my name, and I will say yours." She purred, her hand twisting around his tie, slowly reeling him forward and closer to her.**

**"Queen, your majesty, please." Desperately pleading, he tried slipping his wrists free from the rope. **

**"That's a very good boy, Emil." She dragged him up by his tie to meet her gaze. Warm chocolate turned to dark coals as her lips pressed against his. **

**The intoxicating feel of her lips on his stilled his movements and calmed the storm raging in his core. He wanted the moment to last, but it was a chaste kiss. **

**She drew back, tugging at the ropes to slip the knots free. "I really like the name Emil. We'll see if it sticks in the morning." She offered him a hand, "Come on. Time for a shower. We've got some show binging to do." **

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey folks if you can take a moment to help me with an important cause it would mean the world to me. 
> 
> Check out my GoFundMe and spread the word if you can.
> 
> Thank you.
> 
> https://www.gofundme.com/f/ypfak9-top-surgery?utm_source=customer&utm_medium=copy_link&utm_campaign=p_cf+share-flow-1


	3. Xevn's Note

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Contemplating if this story and or writing is worth anything anymore. Sorry folks not a chapter, but a letter to you on a decision I am considering.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey folks! Please take a moment to look over this! It would mean everything to me if you can help me out.
> 
> https://www.gofundme.com/f/ypfak9-top-surgery?utm_source=customer&utm_medium=copy_link&utm_campaign=p_cf+share-flow-1

I didn't think I would be here again. But I am. I am wondering what's the point in sharing stories and getting paid nothing for it to have negative comments flinged at me. 

I get this is not everyone's cup of tea. But I also don't get hurting another person that you've never met because you don't agree on something. 

Aren't we all fucking human? Isn't it supposed to be amazing to have your own thoughts?

A year or so back, I made a mistake and got a lot of hateful and hurtful comments thrown at my friend and I. You tick off a fanbase and you get the horns. It was never my intention to harm anyone, but the characters and other ships are important to people. It's their escape from reality. You butcher them and you are butchering the person reading it. Again not my intention, just a learning curve in properly tagging stories to ensure the reader knows what they are getting into. Sometimes I wonder if I should give away plot twists to avoid a backlash, but the writer in me likes taking the reader on a journey. The end is a reward for the trials and tribulations. It's definitely a balance I haven't figured out.

After that fiasco, I haven't been very active. I let cap'n handled the stories and provided some aid here and there. The emotional toll of life and the negativity surrounding the story brought a new level of anxiety I couldn't cope with. So why write and share if it adds more stress?

So I sat back and focused on life. Kinda had to because the transition has taken quite a lot of work. You don't just go into a doctor and say 'hey my gender is wrong', you have to prove it. My state in the USA requires you to spend a year as the opposite gender and also proof from a therapist who is licensed in gender dysphoria. 

My first year was wonky. There is nothing like lying through my teeth to customers about my name, seriously what parent names their 'daughter' David? I got the question a lot and I had to tactfully reply to the caller with anything that would help my call scores and not hinder them. I had more escalated calls all because of my name than I did for anything else. It was my second reality check on how cruel people can be to strangers. Mind you I had to have a job to pay for my doctor visits and also pay to live, so I couldn't just quit, but oh how I thought about driving my car into a concrete wall to make this not my problem anymore.

But I made it a year, then had to wait two months for my initial appointment with a therapist who specializes in Gender Dysphoria, even though I was seeing a therapist since I was 13. Nothing like a traumatic break up with the one person you trusted for more than half your life. 

But let's move on.

I start seeing the new one, speak for like 5 minutes on the gender dysphoria and then it's 'so there seems to be a lot of problems surrounding you, let's focus back on that.' Thankful I didn't have to defend my gender identity, but it was disheartening to know I spent money on therapy that didn't actually help me for 17 years.

Then there was the actual doctor visit, poked and prodded, jumped through tons of hoops and finally 3 appointments later I am given my first dose. I was sooooo high on life, couldn't be happier to be stabbed in the leg, that was until the hormones started working. 

My mood shift leveled me. I was less empathic and couldn't relate to my wife's emotional cues. We spent months learning how to communicate again. During this time I had to take a leave of absence from work because I couldn't cope. I didn't know how to. Nearly lost my job because of this. Then there was the health issues, my blood thickened. All the blood pressure issues my dad has, I now have. It took a year on T to figure it out. 

We finally managed to get all of it fixed and then I am on another downward spiral with my mental health because I hadn't learned to cope with stress. I would just push and push until I broke again. But this time I stopped myself. I recognized the direction I was heading and told my therapist. We figured it out and now I don't let myself go there. I utilize the tools my therapist gave me. I stopped allowing myself to play the victim.

So here we are at a crossroad. Do I continue writing and allow words from strangers to hurt me? Or do I stop writing and take away the opportunity for people to attack me?

Genuinely it would crush me to abandon writing and sharing the stories I think up. But I don't want to expose myself to the hurtful comments. I don't have to write, but I want to. A want is not a need, and I can't logically reconcile with the idea of opening myself up to be hurt by another person who doesn't care that I am a human being on the other side of this screen.

I changed, but the world hasn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just in case you messed the top note.
> 
> https://www.gofundme.com/f/ypfak9-top-surgery?utm_source=customer&utm_medium=copy_link&utm_campaign=p_cf+share-flow-1


	4. Tempting Swan/chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of their play session. Emil trying to get his head tied on straight. No pun intended.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To all of you who wrote notes in support of Xevn's transitioning journey, from the bottom of my heart--THANK YOU! He is struggling as you can imagine. Without giving too many details I will say that some of his family supports him and others still call him Tiffany. I don't think I have to explain how very painful that could be. And, I am going to try to alert him when someone sends a message I think he should see. He struggles with writing responses to people. This story is very important to him because a lot of it is so that those of us who aren't transgendered can have a better understanding of what it's like. Please keep that in mind when you make commentary...this is very personal material--except for the bdsm part--that's just for fun. We have 4 more chapters written. I will post as he is willing to share. --cap
> 
> https://www.gofundme.com/f/ypfak9-top-surgery?utm_source=customer&utm_medium=copy_link&utm_campaign=p_cp+share-sheet

With his writs freed from his restraints, the blonde's thoughts tethered him to the chair, his mind stuttering to process the events. Trapped within his suffocatingly hot skin, a mixture of happiness and disgust rolled and seethed under the surface-- he struggled to steady his breathing. His knuckles slowly drained of color as his fingers squeezed the life out of the wooden armrests. 

Deafened by the chaotic rhythm beating in his ears, he gazed absently at the brunette's seductive, soft lips. 

"Emil?" 

His eyelashes fluttered as he fought his way out of the warm mental cocoon she had created. He felt safe in the void. The velvety tones of her voice might have been the only thing capable of pulling him from her spell.

Gently Regina caressed his hand, "Come back to me." His fingers twitched under her scrutiny.

Whispering the tender plea, she grasped his chin, shifting his eyes up to hers. "Look at me, Pet." 

The subtle command drew focus to the dark emerald irises. "There's my boy. Come on. You need a shower."

"Hmmm?"

The tempest inside him evaporating with the lull of her voice, he found his head and eased his grip. "Are you ready to stand?" He gave a lethargic nod in response.

'While I wasn't paying attention, did she switch the bones out of my legs for jelly?' 

Regina braced him with an arm around his back and guided him down the hall to the guest bedroom. He curled into her, letting her soft tresses tickle his nose--the hint of cinnamon and apples lingered in his sinuses.

"Take all the time you need. I'll put out a set of clothes on the bed. Join me in my study when you're ready." She pressed a gentle kiss to his temple, savoring the bittersweet scent. She wanted to drop the mask, show him her sincere affections, but doubt kept the facade intact. 

Turning from him, she flicked the light switch in the bathroom, "I noticed that you covered your mirror at your apartment, so I did the same here. I hope that's okay." Her false confidence wavered with a slight tremble in her voice. 

The tricky topic of Em's mental state was never one they discussed. She drew assumptions from clues he left scattered around his apartment and did some late-night googling to align the pieces. Hopefully, she got this one right. It saddened her to know he felt trapped within a body that felt alien. She knew he loathed his physique. She longed for the day he would allow her to see more of his body than his bare legs. However, to date, she had not even seen his arms between the wrist and elbow. She wanted to see those biceps she had only felt through his dress shirts.

*****

He tossed a shy grin her way, appreciating Regina's attention to detail. He nodded his approval, feeling tears of gratitude well in his eyes. Too choked up to speak and angry, he couldn't convey his emotions the way he used to-- Emma would have grabbed the brunette in a hug and thanked her through happy sobs. But, Em, no EMIL, felt detached. Emotions stirred, but lie locked beneath the surface. He ducked into the bathroom, unable to face the woman who cared so much about him. 'If she saw my face, what would she see?' Concerned, his appearance would equate to a horny teenager, he kept his head down as he closed the door. 

Frustration seeped from his mouth in a hissing breath. Resting his head against the barrier between them, he let his mind latch onto the feeling of the brunette's lips, igniting his dwindling arousal once again.

The turtle stuck his nose out again. "Who asked you to come out to play? Hmm. Knock it off."

He knocked his head against the door again. 'I don't even have a real dick yet, and somehow it's already becoming my focal point.'

The thing in his pants twitched.

'Damn it!' Tension coiled in his jaw. 'Pick a fucking feeling and stick with it! Preferably not a horny one.' Screwing his eyes shut, he chased after a pleasant thought. 'Emil' the name purred from Regina's lips brought satisfaction, and stoked the fire burning between his thighs. "Emil" He spoke the name annoyed by the pitch of his voice. He cleared his throat, allowing his now thicker vocal cords to resonate over the syllables. 'That'll do.' He chuckled. 

*****

Lingering outside the bathroom, Regina waited out the prolonged silence. Worry piqued in the absence of life behind the door. 'Did I push him too far?' pulled from her thoughts by the sound of his laughter, she relaxed. 'That's my boy.' a warm smile formed on her lips. 

Content, Regina peeled herself from the door and collected a change of clothes she kept for him in the dresser. There used to be an assortment for her various submissives. Recently, she lost interest in her retinue of subs. All the items that remained she individually purchased for him. Notably, the gray binder she prominently displayed on top of the organized pile. 

The simple task completed, she departed to wash and change into something more comfortable. Her mind meticulously planned a course of aftercare that he would need to end tonight's impromptu scene.

***** 

Slipping the tie loose from its knot, he shuddered at the memory of Regina using it as a leash. Arousal surged up his spine, electrifying the tiny hairs along the nape of his neck and sparking low in his gut. "Fucking stop it." After discarding the sweat-soaked button-up into the bin, his fingers curled under the thick elastic binder and peeled it free from his chest. He added it to the pile on the counter, eyes absently gliding over the covered mirror. He was grateful for Regina's keen intuition. His habitual nature usually sparked a random bout of body dysmorphia. Contentedly sighing, he slipped out of his boxers and stepped into the hot stream of water, ignoring the anatomy screaming for his attention.

Emil soaked in the feeling while his hands soothed over his smooth skin. As the water washed away the sticky sheen of sweat, he tried to cleanse his mind of the empty foreplay. Had this been his shower, he would have sought relief from the showerhead, but the idea felt awkward and embarrassing. And, wrong. Very. Very. Wrong. He would not disrespect his friend by getting himself off in her shower while she patiently waited for him to get clean.

He directed his attention to the process, surprised to find Regina stocked the shower with all the needed amenities; shampoo, conditioner, and body wash lined the shelf. All of the products meant for a man, but natural ingredients that had an earthy scent to them. 'Damn, she's planned this out too.' Lathering up, he was delighted by the heady mix of mint and cloves, even more, impressed when it washed straight out of his hair, leaving no residue. He felt clean-a rare thing in itself. The body wash didn't irritated or dry his skin; it cleaned, hydrated, and left his skin softer than it was before. 'What magical nonsense is this?' 

Wrapping himself in an extra-plush towel, he sauntered into the bedroom, dripping water from his short blonde locks. His heart skipped a beat when he noticed the new binder placed on top of a gray athletic shirt. 'She didn't have to.' He was touched, yet felt foolish for wanting to bail on their weekend Netflix and chill plans. It was clear that Regina had anticipated his being there; she wanted him happy and comfortable. Her teasing earlier was nothing more than a means to an end. 'If only she knew about the increased sex drive, she might have tried something less stimulating.' He frowned.

A couple of months back, he had a harmless crush on the woman. Now, if she were anywhere in his line of sight, he would have a tiny stiffy. Worried that he was turning into an objectifying man, he steered away from scenarios that could compromise their friendship. He didn't dare ask his friend to change how she behaved because he couldn't control his urges. Spending enough time as a woman taught him to avoid cis male pity speak. Instead, it rested squarely on his shoulders to figure out how to deal with an overcharged libido. 

Speaking of which, 'Seriously, dude, I will cut you off if you keep ruining this night for me.' He stared down the fluffy white towel as if he were looking at his imaginary dick. 'Nobody finds a rock hard bean sexy, so knock it off.'

*****

Dried and clothed, he slowly trekked his way to the study as instructed; his pulse spiked the instant his eyes landed on her silhouette. He rounded the couch, "Hey." A nervous smile slipped from his lips as he greeted her.

Regina occupied the far end of the sectional, dressed in a matching set of dark red satin PJs with just enough cleavage peeking out from the undone top button. Calculating caramel eyes appraised him, "Hey, Emil." His name rolling off her tongue in a soft pleasing purr, she relished the genuinely bashful smile it solicited from the blonde. "Come." She beckoned him to cushion next to her with a gentle pat. 

His mouth worked over a silent rebuttal, floundering to find the right words. His feet, on the other hand, obeyed immediately.

Sensing his hesitation, "I don't bite." She sliced through his doubts with an authoritative tone, eliciting a shudder from the blonde before he took his assigned place. Sitting stiffly beside her, he shifted his eyes uneasily, searching for distractions as the glowing tanned skin of her cleavage enticed his hazel orbs.

"So, what are we watching?" He asked, trying to find a safe topic he could busy his mind with and hopefully quell the fire burning between his thighs before Regina noticed his prepubescent stare. 

"That's entirely up to you." She stated, handing him a couple of Tylenol. 

"Thanks." He hadn't realized the growing headache but was thankful for Regina's spot-on intuition. Tossing back the pills, he absently reached out for the glass of water she held in front of him only to be met with a warning glance from the brunette as she moved the glass away. 'What game is she playing?' he pondered, giving her a quizzical look.

Regina placed the glass at his lips, "Humor me." She dropped the mask for a moment, "please." 

Toying with Regina's suggestion, Em's imagination painted his face red. Dryly swallowing the pills, "You can't be serious. I'm not a child." His voice cracked betraying him.

"You're not a child, and that's not what I am implying." 

"Then what are you implying?"

"Just do as I ask. Tomorrow, we will talk about it. I promise this is only meant to benefit you." 

Regina suffered from resting-bitch-face on any given day, making it hard for Emil to decide if her orders meant he had overstepped earlier or that she genuinely wanted him to listen. He suspected she handled her playthings this way.

He pursed his lips, contemplating. 'Why am I getting the feeling this has to do with her lifestyle?' He relented, "I'm only playing along because I am thirsty." Although he hides his doubts, instead, he snarked the words. 

Had he been any other potential submissive, she would have kicked him out from his tone alone. She didn't deal with brats. Swan was an exceptional case, and Regina wanted this to work. She planned everything out. She accounted for his stubbornness, his body issues, and his low self-esteem. Explaining the process would require his full attention, considering his exhaustion and fluctuating level of arousal, now was not the time. Staying the course was in his best interest. 

Ticking the glass forward, allowed the liquid to slide down his parched throat. She measured a sizable drink for him without wasting a drop. It wasn't as intimate as she had anticipated or wanted, but it was a start. "Good boy." She praised him and caressed his cheek. She expected pushback but was pleasantly surprised when he curled into her hand. The pads of her fingers traced along the curve of his jaw, soaking in the smoothness of his skin. 

An angry clanking of her phone vibrating on the coffee table interrupted the peaceful mood and caused the blonde to jerk back from her touch. Instantly she locked her gaze upon the infernal device, "Who the hell is calling me at this hour?" muttering her distaste, she focused on the unknown number occupying the lit screen. "You can go to straight to voicemail." Declining the call and quickly powered down her cell, she ensured no further interruptions for their evening. 

Regina turned her attention back to the blonde. He sat hunched over his thighs, concealing his face between his hands. "Maybe I should just go. It's not too late for me to grab an Uber." His voice wavered with his words, pink embarrassment rushing to the tips of his ears.

"No." She sharply corrected it. Weaving her fingers through the short strands of his hair. "I am sorry that I didn't turn my phone off sooner." Gently teasing her nails along his scalp, she leaned closer, "I want my night to be with you." She soothingly whispered, guiding him to her shoulder. 

Resting his cheek against the smooth silk of her blouse, Emil remained tense, his face still burning with unbridled shame. Shutting his eyes, he wished away the thoughts that tormented him and drank in Regina's warmth. After a few pounding beats of his heart, her scent involuntarily relaxed him as she eased his chin into the dip of her neck.

"Good boy." Breathing her praise, she brushed her palm down his back, feeling the tension release dissipate beneath her fingers. Feeling confident that his trepidation had retreated, "We've never had a night to ourselves without the odd interruption or awkward excuse to end it. What I want is to have you all to myself and vice versa." She continued to paint loving strokes along his back, anticipating apprehension, but thankfully he remained pliable. "I want you to rest your head in my lap while we watch whatever you wish." The statement drew a shudder from her blonde companion. "Please." She added.

His mind began to spin with the implication as heat kissed his cheeks for the nth time tonight. "Reg, I can't get a pulse on you. Just tell me, is this because you like me, or is it because you like playing with me?" His words escaped faster than he could think. He stammered to correct his meaning but stopped when her hand clasped his chin.

Delicately, she guided him up. Meeting his bewildered gaze, "Both." Regina's admission surprised them both. "I suspected that you felt the same way. I've been worried about speaking my suspicions--"

"I've been dancing around the not-so-subtle hints forever!" He squeaked out, frustrated with his throat's inability to land a solid tone. 

The brunette chuckled, "Sorry. This is a first for me. Admitting my feelings." She clarified. "You've been with me longer than any friend I've ever had. I didn't want to scare you off. Especially since you've started your transition, I was worried I would be burdening you with undue stress and believed it best to let you sort it all out."

He narrowed his gaze, "I've suffered. I can't tell if you're fucking with me or being sincere. Either way, I get a goddamn stiffy. I fucking told you that I am the most oblivious person. Now I am oblivious and horny!" Trying to convey his aggravation in a tangible thought, Em ignored the shrill pinging in his voice. "I don't have an 'on or off' switch. Just an inappropriate level of horniness all the fucking time."

"I know. It's been fun to exploit." Regina shameless chimed in.

Emil cleared his throat in an attempt to reign in the brunette. "That being said; If you like me the way I believe you do, then kiss me again." Emil's mind caught up with his words, faltering his confidence suffocated in the absence of breath, and choked out the demand.

Surging forward, Regina pulled him into a tender kiss. Concern curved the taste of affection to a minimal sampling as if to whet the blonde's appetite, but not inundate him with unnecessary stimulation. In a calculated retreat, she met his shocked features with a sly grin. "Am I too much for you to handle?"

"Y'all are too much for me to handle." Sheathing, he fizzled into embarrassment.

Raising a perfectly sculpted brow, "Y'all?"

"Focus."

"Fine, but if there is one more lady on your list, I'll kill her."

"No. Don't. Back to me, please."

"Lap, or we stay on the topic."

"Fuck. Fine." Ending the whiplash of dialog, he crumpled into place. Finding a comfortable purchase with his head nestled on top of the silky fabric of her thigh, he twisted onto his side. Holding out his hand expectantly. "Remote." 

"No LetterKenny." Regina flatly stated before placing the controller on his palm.

Grumbling his thoughts, he flicked through the list of streaming apps. "I'm assuming a show at this point because it is too late."

Burying her fingers into his short locks, "Worried you'll fall asleep?"

"Stating facts." He cooly said. Selecting Netflix, he entered the search feature and entered a title. "Might as well have you watch this." The screen faded to black before blinding them both with the Netflix title screen. 

"Altered Carbon?" She scoffed her question.

"Yep. Kinda fits me in a way." He dropped the remote onto the coffee table, far from her reach, and settled in. 

"Let me guess; the brooding protagonist is who you identify with?"

"No, the idea of the setting. The ability to switch 'sleeves' does. Granted, in a perfect world, there wouldn't be a cost." Pushing back into her touch, "The story is good, though." Tiredly speaking, he barely managed to keep his lead-filled eyelids open.

"I'll keep an open mind." Sweeping the short strands of hair from his forehead, she indulged him with a gentle kiss against his temple. "Sleep well, my handsome swan."

  
  
  


Awoken by the sounds of a fist pounding against the door, Emil instantly jerked up to a sitting position. Scanning the dimly lit room for trouble, his eyes landed on Regina's shadow, moving towards the hallway. "What's up, Reg?" He sluggishly asked, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

She shushed him with a wave of her hand as she stalked into the hallway. A few seconds ticked by as the thumping continued. Light swept into the room with the sound of the door's hinges creaking open. Moments later, she returned, "I'm sorry, Em, can you please go to my room and sleep? I need to deal with this." Regina's voice was sincere in her request, but her demeanor reflected her tense apprehension.

Drowsily he nodded his understanding and collected himself from the couch. Staggering to the bedroom, he noted the feminine silhouette that darkened the doorway, barely making out the frowning features of her face as he passed by. Stopping at her bedroom door, he turned back to Regina, "Door, closed?" Hardly managing the words in his exhausted state, he received a sharp nod from the brunette in response.

The door closed with a click, alerting the uninvited party's attention. "Is that her?!" The shrill tone was hardly muffled by the wooden barrier. His curiosity piqued, Em lingered in place.

"Him." Regina sternly corrected, "You will keep your voice down, or I will kick your ass out the door faster than you can blink."

"I'm sorry, mistress. I'm just jealous and worried you've abandoned me."

"I haven't abandoned you--" Hearing Regina's response drove him away in disgust. He didn't dare listen to another word as his feelings began to stir in his sluggish thoughts.

Collapsing onto the plush mattress of Regina's bed, he made peace with the dire thoughts swirling in his head and breathed in the warm apple spice of her scent to lull himself into a false sense of security. "She wanted to make a point. She wouldn't have asked me to sleep in her room otherwise." He clung to the thought as he buried his face between the pillows. 'She wants me as more than a friend, even if I won't be the only one. I can't expect her to give up her playthings for a freak like me.' Dragging the pillows over his head, he drowned out the conversation playing in the other room and drifted back into sleep. 

  
  



	5. Chapter 4: Reluctant Swan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> R & E get closer. Ruby is annoying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I have said many times before, thank you, everyone, for your support. Anyone who feels like helping Xevn along in his transitioning process this is his gofundme page. https://www.gofundme.com/f/ypfak9-top-surgery?utm_source=customer&utm_medium=copy_link&utm_campaign=p_cp+share-sheet
> 
> He has made some amazing strides emotionally since we met several years ago. What most of you don't realize is that when we began writing together he suffered from severe depression because he was trans and had not accepted it yet. He nearly killed himself...not joking...but we are now several years down the road. He and his wife have found him some great doctors and life is improving. I hope that thisstory that is semi-inspired from his own personal experience can help us all understand the struggle the transgendered people have. Until next time, much love...the Capn.

"Is that her?" The crimson streaks in Ruby's hair danced in time with the furious motions of her hands. "Is that who you abandoned me for?"

Using her body to block the sub from entering her apartment, Regina leaned against the door frame. Her red nails glowed against the black enamel of the door. "Lower your voice now," the fiery executive commanded. "I believe I have told you on more than one occasion that I like my life to remain private. What did you hope to accomplish banging on my door and screaming at 2 in the morning?"

Rocking back on her heels, Ruby's eyes timidly sought Regina's. Rejecting the silent demand to back down, Ruby lunged forward trying to get a glimpse of who the shorter woman entertained. "Is that her?" Her voice grew louder with each word.

"Him." Regina sternly corrected, "You will keep your voice down, or I will kick your ass out the door faster than you can blink." She retrieved her cell phone from the pocket of her robe. "Do I need to call security, or will you close your mouth, gain some self-respect, and leave us alone as I told you to do in the first place."

"I'm sorry, mistress. I'm just jealous and worried you have abandoned me."

The dom sighed. "I haven't abandoned you--" She stepped further into the hallway, and in the younger woman's space. "We play together, but there is no us. There never has been. And, there never will be," her angry speech left no room for doubt. "You knew the deal before we started." Unrelenting caramel eyes pierced through the younger woman's jealousy. "If you remember, I told you I would arrange for us to meet at the club next week. Would I make that appointment if I were abandoning you?"

Ruby chewed her lower lip and shook her head. "I'm just afraid that you are getting too attached to someone. You have had less and less time for me over the last few months."

"That's true. And, the moment he realizes how good we are together, I would become exclusive. But, you should relax because that is a long time off if it ever happens at all." Having said more than she intended, Regina inhaled deeply and wiped a hand across tired eyes. "You, my dear, are uncomplicated and fun. That makes you special. Don't ruin it for us. Okay?"

The younger woman, teary-eyed and pensive, nodded her head. "Yes, mistress. I will see you, Wednesday."

"Yes, and since you deemed it necessary to come to my residence without an invitation, I will be removing you from the visitor's list downstairs. You won't be coming up here again without me. Understood?"

"Yes, mistress."

The sneer gracing the petite woman's lips worried Ruby. "I'm sorry."

"Not nearly as sorry as you are going to be. See you Wednesday. Goodnight, Miss Lucas," Regina closed the door shutting out her latest nuisance. She leaned back against the hardwood surface and listened until she could hear the click of the woman's shoes retreating.

She sighed again and hoped Emil had not heard their conversation. His self-esteem did not need any challenges tonight, or any other day for that matter. She flipped off the lights as she went back to her room. She found him face down in the middle of the bed." I guess my boy wants to snuggle."

Fingers traced through the short blonde hair, "Can you scoot over a little for me?"

Sluggishly nodding his head, he rolled half of his body over, making enough space for the woman. "Any chance you can let me have some of those sheets you've claimed dominion over?" With his back facing her, he reached over and lifted the corner of the sheets. "Thanks, but you are still laying on three-fourths of the covers." He shrugged his response with the cloth still clasped in his hand. "This is not a personal problem, Emil, but I am about to make it a 'you' problem if you don't wake up and scoot your butt."

In a clumsy mess of flailing, the blonde managed to yank the cover out from under himself, "anything else I can do for you, Queenie?" Emil grumbled, his pleasant filter drained by sleep deprivation.

Though he intended on belittling her with the nickname, Regina couldn't help but giggle. "No, that's all peasant." She shot back, slipping into the warm sheet. She barely settled in before she felt his arm wrapping around her waist. "Emil--"

"I am not playing little spoon." Mumbling his thoughts he silenced her retort. "Besides, if you cuddle me, I will die. I am too tired to deal with my horniness and way too tired to escape the scorching heat generated by your body."

"My feet are cold."

"Don't you dare." He felt the vibration of her chuckle run up his arm, longing to feel it against his chest. 'I don't want her to wake up covered in my sweat.' He reminded himself.

"I'm sorry."

'Great now, I am making her feel guilty.' Though he liked the idea of her caring about his feelings, Emil didn't want to be a burden. "Don't be. I've enjoyed tonight, bumps and all. I like what we have. I don't want you to feel obligated to place your lifestyle in a closet. Just do you like you always have." As exhausted as he was, he tactfully dodged the subject.

"Okay." Regina forced out in an even tone. "You should be thankful I chose to wear pajamas tonight. Get some sleep. We've got a lot of talking to do in the morning."

"Afternoon." He corrected. One eye peered open, trying to discern if she meant she slept in the nude. His brain teased over the knowledge weighing her meaning.

The brunette shook away her thoughts, "Noon."

"Suit yourself. I make no promises."

*****

A devious grin played across Regina's lips; her thigh felt the delicious heat and a hard nub grinding into her muscles. Fear raced down her spine as she realized Emil's body rubbed against her unconsciously. 'Should I wake him?'

She considered her course of action. No matter how this went, he would be mortified. But, if she woke him, would he think…' No matter what he thinks, it won't be good.'

He shifted, pinning her beneath his leg. His knee pushed into her apex, eliciting a pornographic moan she did not realize had been building.

Red-faced, eyes wide, Emil's blonde head shot up. His panicked sea-green met flustered yet amused coffee.

"Sorry," Emil huffed as he shuffled back.

"Don't be." Regina grabbed his wrist before he left the bed, halting his progress. "I wouldn't mind going there with you, be it today, tomorrow, or whenever you are ready."

She fought and lost against the cruel imp in her head that put the pieces together and realized she had met the turtle. A faint rose leaped to her cheeks and flushed deeper as her eyes grew a will of their own--his boxers had a distinct point and damp spot.

Realizing her rude behavior, she pointed to her en suite door. "Forgive me, Em." She cleared her throat. "I hung a robe for you in the bathroom. If you could be so kind as to grab yours and bring me mine, I would love to cook breakfast so that we can talk."

The blonde struggled. Tears welled but did not fall. Slowly, he shuffled to the bathroom. He gulped at seeing Regina's beautiful red silk robe hanging next to one meant for a man. He encased his torso in a fluffy, burgundy terry-cloth robe that fit perfectly.

Her amazing consideration and her attention to detail overwhelmed him even if her eyes made him want to disappear.

*****

They sat together at the table eating brunch Regina threw together with an ease that astounded her friend.

He shoved another calorie-laden forkful in his mouth. "How is it that you cook like a goddess?"

"How is it that you are still impressed by something I have done for you many times?"

His eyes narrowed at her. "Is there something else I should be complimenting?"

Regina tossed her napkin onto the table and set her fork on her plate. She was done with this meal and done with pretending that this worked for her. "You could start with a thank you."

He gulped and then stammered. "I don't know what I would do without you. You ground me. You remind me that I don't have to apologize for not feeling like I belong in my skin." His eyes traced over the graceful arc of her hands and up her arms appreciating the self-control and poise she had. "Thank you for understanding that I can't settle for a name that isn't mine. Thank you for not allowing me to hide behind every obstacle that appears." Now teary-eyed, and feeling more than a little naked, he clutched her fingers with his. "And, thanks for the best body soap I have ever used. That stuff is amazing."

She rolled her eyes at his inability to stay open and on topic. "I guess that will do for now." She sipped her cooling coffee and appraised him. His shoulders appear less weighted and stooped today. "Did our playtime last night help you beyond finding your name?"

He shifted in his seat as he felt his turtle pulse uncomfortably. "Maybe." Although he wanted to focus on the conversation, his hormones made him think about how she felt pressed flush against him. How her leg felt adding friction…

"Are you okay?" She stared at Emil, who appeared to have ceased to breathe.

"Huh?" He blinked owlishly at her. His skin flushed angrily along his neck into his cheeks.

Regina put her elbow on the table and used her hand to support her head as she fought to hide her amusement. "What may I ask, has you blushing so profusely?"

Death had paid a visit, claimed his soul, and left behind the hollowed-out body.

"Could it be that you liked how I touched you? Did you like being restrained? Teased? Do you enjoy the pain?"

His face resembled a gagging goldfish. "What? No, I don't like pain. Much. But…"

He shifted nervously. "I don't like knowing."

"Knowing?"

He nodded. "Knowing. I know that I'm a toy, a plaything. You have a lot of those. And, I can be dropped on the shelf for another as fast as lightning. The others don't have body issues and hang-ups. They are just fun."

Regina nodded. "They are fun. But, they are also simple, dull, and, more often than not, I find them lacking." Throwing a sideways glance at her blonde counterpart, "What are you always saying about me and my love for work?"

"That you're a workaholic?"

"Right. I am meticulous about work. I enjoy the effort I put in and am proud of the results. Trust me when I say this; simple enjoyments have an expiration date, and you aren't simple."

"How very convoluted of you to say I am a real piece of work." He eyed her conspicuously.

"I am married to it." She winked. "Isn't that a thought to toy with?" Regina playfully contemplated aloud.

'Did she just say something about marriage and me? Or am I overthinking this?' Panicking ever so slightly, he mulled over her intention. "So, about the pain part…" He trailed off, hoping the change in the topic would give him time to recoup.

"What about it?"

"My tolerance is all over the place. I used to be able to handle a lot more, and lately, it's been-- well embarrassing."

"Oh? Tell me, are men babies?"

"NO." Em pointedly deflected. "Just that it's different. I would say, it hurts more, but I notice it less. Or, maybe it hurts less and I notice it more. It's like the volume knob is wonky, and one second it's blaring in my ears, and the next, I have to lean in to hear it.

Her brow furrowed. "That's interesting and a bit unfortunate."

"You are telling me. Instead, my turtle gets excited over every single whiff of perfume even if its those stupid samples from a magazine. My senses are out of whack, and I don't know how to find the balance."

"That's got to be annoying."

"Oh, it is! Especially if I can't will it away! Then it's pestering me for hours, and all I can think about is a relief."

"So terrible."

"Is that sarcasm?" He sucked in a breath before letting out a frustrated huff. "See! I can't fucking tell what's what anymore!"

"Must be hard." She scooted out from the table and stalked around him.

"Why do I think you might be teasing me instead of listening?"

Tracing a finger along the nape of his neck, "I can do both." She purred into his ear.

He shuddered. "Can you not?" He twisted out from under her.

"I am a woman. It's impossible for me not to multitask."

*****

They spent the afternoon tip-toeing around the one thing on their minds, but not without the occasional teasing from the brunette. Em dragged his feet up the pathway to his apartment, feeling Regina's studious gaze burning a hole in the back of his head. He clenched a fist, aggravated over all his second-guessing. The closer he got to the door, the more frustrated he became. 'She never waits for me to get inside. Is she hoping I'll turn around?' Nearly stomping his foot on the step, the blonde slipped the key into the lock and fought to open the door.

Trapped inside his head, he didn't hear the purposeful clicks of a wide gait bounding off the concrete behind him. "Mr. Swan." The stern inflection in her tone didn't bode well.

Steeling his nerves, Em shook away the vexing thoughts. "Hey."

"Don't hey me. You forgot this." She held out the bag of bathroom amenities. "Worried I would kiss you again?" The question solicited a glare from the blonde. "Upset that I didn't?"

"Are you intentionally fucking with me?"

"It's safe to assume that I am always fucking with you…" Smiling, she trailed off into a devious thought.

"What are —" Before he could finish his question, Regina pulled him into a gentle kiss. She indulged his timid exploration, relishing the soft caresses of his lips.

She allowed him to break the kiss, meeting his hopeful eyes. "Now, you may go inside."

"Thanks?"

"You're welcome." She waved him inside before backtracking her way to the car, "So that you know, I'd rather be fucking you than fucking with you. But, a woman takes what she can get." She tossed the statement over her shoulder, not bothering to look back when she heard the inevitable sound of his face smacking into the door. "I'll text you when I am home."

"Okay." His voice came across as defeated, borderline annoyed.

"Goodnight, Mr. Swan."

"Yeah, you too."

'Someone seems snippy; I am definitely going to have to work on his behavior.'


	6. Confused Swan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Em meets Ruby and then he responds to that...

He raked his nails on the ribbed fabric of his pants. He fought his inner desire to grab on to the woman tempting him. She had given the command. He chose to be here. Regina pulled the rope tighter before tying the end. 

"That's better." The velvety rasp of her voice quickened his pulse. She spoke to herself, ignoring the pleading look in the blonde's eyes. 

Emil almost swallowed his tongue when Regina stepped so close to where he sat tied to the chair. The leather vest she used for a top left very little to the imagination. She leaned in to whisper in his ear, allowing him a glimpse of the bare flesh beneath.

"Did I give you permission to look?"

"No, ma'am." he squeaked helplessly, already hyper-aware of how tender the skin of his backside felt.

"Do I have to put you over my knee again?" 

He gulped. Her words left his mouth parched, his body wanting. "Please?"

Her evil smirk appeared. "Have you been a naughty man?" 

Their eyes met. The warm chocolate pools soothed his soul until suddenly they vanished into a blinding light. Piercing pain. He threw his hand in front of his face.

The fabric encased his legs dissolved. "What the actual fuck?" he said.

Regina raised an eyebrow, then reached forward, grabbing the back of his neck. Her lips opened. An ear-piercing screech--It repeated then mutated into a persistent beeping noise.

Tossing the pillow off his head, Emil sat up and glared at his alarm clock. "Oh, God, it's Monday again?" Sadness and disbelief seeped from his tired voice as he fought to drag himself out of bed. Slipping on his flip-flops, he staggered to the bathroom, blinding himself by the lights in the process. 

Rubbing clarity into his eyes, his mind chewed on the fragments from his dream. 'Did I give you permission to look.' Regina's seductively stern tone echoed in his ears. Staring down the black fabric blanketing the mirror, "Definitely not, but I'd rather ask for forgiveness." He retorted with confidence he wished he had in her presence. 

Washing away the sleep with a splash of cold water, Emil went about his morning routine, keeping track of the minutes ticking away at the back of his mind. If he sped through brushing his teeth and ditched prepping lunch for work, he could afford enough time to resolve the increasingly irritating issue in his pants. 

Torn from his contemplation by his phone ringing from the nightstand, "I swear--" Grumbling, he jaunted back to the bed, catching the green glow of an incoming call. He hardly took a second to see the name, before answering it.

"Tell me you aren't outside waiting."

She laughed. "Good morning to you too. No, I am not. That's why I called." He heard the silent apology.

"What's up?"

"Where are your manners? Have you forgotten about our arrangement?" Feeling generous, Regina allowed him a chance to correct himself.

Warmth pooled in his gut. "It's too early for this." He muttered more to himself than to the brunette.

"Pardon me?"

"Sorry, Reg, I am dealing with an issue, and you aren't helping. Can we skip the verbal foreplay, please?" He sighed heavily. "If it makes any difference, I promise to do better later when I have more brain cells functioning."

"We're going to have to sort out that issue of yours. We'll revisit this floundering of etiquette tonight. I've requested an actual Uber for you. Unfortunately, I am already walking into work to black mark an agent that went AWOL last night."

"Oh. That's not good." He paused his movements to focus on her words.

"Definitely not. They might have fudged some accounts too since they didn't intend on coming back."

"Holy --." He almost dropped his phone in shock.

"Mr. Swan, don't you even dare utter that word." She sharply cut him off. "Anyways, it gets better. Apparently, there are a lot of inconsistencies with previous accounts they serviced. Of course, I can't go into too many details as you have worked alongside them at one point, and most likely, your department manager is going to be assigning the accounts to you for review."

"Reg, I don't do account reviews."

"Congratulations Emil, we selected you for a special project that will look good on your resume."

"What did you do?" He balanced the phone on his shoulder as he scurried around the bathroom, preparing to shower.

"I only suggested they enlist a detail-oriented agent that knows documented procedures verbatim. Having more than 600 calls a month and 11 months worth to review is going to take some time. The company can't afford to spare QA members."

"Why are you doing this?" Shell shocked by this fantastic chance at promotion, he could not fathom why she chose him.

"Don't waste this opportunity. Networking goes a long way. Remember this day; you too will eventually have an underdog come your way that needs a hand."

"Thanks, Reggie." A small cramp began to pulse in his cheek; he couldn't stop himself from smiling regardless of the fact. "Thank you, Mistress."

"Good boy. And, we will have to deal with your other issue later.." Regina purred her appeasement through the phone. "Tina will be driving a baby blue Toyota Prius."

"What?" He dropped his phone. Quickly, imitating a ninja, he caught the device on its descent. He brought it back to his ear. "Sorry. You were saying."

"You're Uber driver. She's outside. Don't keep her waiting."

"Fuck!" He needed a shower, but Uber drivers were not known for waiting.

"Language!" She shouted back before ending the call.

Barely managing to get his attire on correctly, he stumbled out the front door with a partially tied bowtie twisted between his fingers. Practically jogging down the path to the loitering car, he greeted the driver with an apologetic smile.

"Thank you for your patience."

"No worries, I was told you'd be late. Got a nice tip in advance. Well, my roommate did, at least. I'm Red; Tina's got the flu. I am filling in for her. Please don't report us?" 

"Oh-kay." Emil suspiciously eyed the brunette.

"I know what you are thinking, 'Why don't you have your own account?'Good question. I am not responsible enough to have a bank account, keeping it under Tina's helps in more ways than one."

"Uh-huh. I didn't need to know that, but thanks, I guess?"

"Look, do you want a ride or not?"

"Yeah. Though, don't kidnap me." He said half-jokingly.

"If I were a kidnapper, that wouldn't really work to avoid being kidnapped." Somehow the look she gave him terrified him, not in a pleasant way.

"That didn't ease my mind one bit."

"Get in the car, before I actually kidnap you. I need more fairs to cover the rent. And my Queen pays well." Red's lips pursed as her eyes flicked up and down the nervous man's attire. "I suggest you sort yourself before I drop you off. You aren't even close to her standard."

"What are you talking about?" Pretending ignorance, Emil slipped his phone from his pocket and pretended to respond to a new text.

"See, I could help you if you still haven't figured out how to please her. Lucky for you that Belle drank too much last night."

The little blonde hairs on the back of his neck stand to attention as the woman prattles on and seems to be too familiar with Regina. He tunes out as she begins to talk about what she thinks about his clothing choices.

"I thought you said she had the flu."

Her eyes appeared to flash yellow as she eased them into traffic. "Feverish and throwing up, what's the difference? It may or may not be self-inflicted. I am still trying to help her out. And, as a bonus, I can help you too." She winked knowingly at him.

He straightened his tie and adjusted the front of his shirt, flattening the material with his hands. The way her eyes followed his movements made him uncomfortable. Carefully, he placed his phone in his lap. He pretended to use the camera to check his hair but instead snapped a quick shot of his driver. 

"Jesus, where did she find you?" Her face had mutated to a disapproving sneer. "I thought she wanted someone with class and style, but you...well…"

Using all of his acting skills, he feigned getting a text, then sent a quick one to Regina.

Emil: Hey. I know you are very busy. I hate to bother you, but if you find my dead body somewhere, this one is the cause. She keeps mentioning the Queen. Check the attached photo.

"Are you even listening to me?" Red sighed dramatically and elbowed Em in the ribs, regaining his full attention. Although she should have noticed the worried scowl, she focussed on trying to pry information from him.

"I'm sorry. I was thinking about the meeting that starts in an hour. What were you saying?" Em gave her his most charming smile and hoped she did not notice the nervous sweat breaking out on his forehead. 

Although she should have noticed the worried scowl, she focussed on trying to dissuade him away from Regina. "I can't believe someone as amazing as she is dropping her playthings for someone like you. Like what the fuck are you supposed to be anyway? You look less like a man but hardly close to being a woman. It's people like you that make it hard for actual women to be taken seriously…"

Hurt washed over him first, but anger quickly supplanted it. 

He set his jaw, thinking how best to shut her up.

"Most pubescent boys have more facial hair than you and moobs. Really? Who finds that attractive?"

He cleared his throat and growled lowly. "The last time I checked Uber was an LGBT supporter. Can I emphasize that T enough for you? I know people like you who like to claim they are a supporter. Since one of the letters listed represents their lifestyle like a lesbian, for example, but then they turn around and tell bi people that they can't play for both teams. Or tell someone who is non-binary that biology doesn't work that way. You can't pick and choose. Either you are Family and an ALLY, or you aren't."

The car skidded to a stop in front of the sleek dark windows of the office tower. He threw open the door and stepped out. "Don't expect me to leave a pleasant review. The service was great until you opened that vile mouth. Good day." He slammed the door feeling the skin on the back of his neck, burning with rage. Without another glance in the direction of the car, he powered toward the building, swiped his card through the security booth, and charged toward the nearest visitor's bathroom. He checked to make sure all the stalls were empty before he continuously punched the towel dispenser until the evil energy dissipated. Leaving him with a sore hand, swelling knuckles, and a severely dented dispenser.

"Ah, fuck. She's not going to like this either." He said, looking at his abused hand.

  
  


*****

Thirty minutes into the meeting, Regina began to worry. Her Swan tended to be proactive. He did not waste her time with useless text messages unless something happened. He had sent 3 in quick succession. She wanted to open them and read, but she couldn't risk it in the current circumstances. 

"I don't understand how no one noticed what Robin was doing." How does someone falsify data?" Spencer rubbed his chin as if it helped his thinking process. 

"It's my understanding that he created dummy accounts and fake transactions." Mortimer Midas supplied helpfully.

"That's my point. We should have software and people that routinely check. Spot checking should have caught this." Spencer retorted, getting angry at the incompetence of the man next to him. 

After observing the two men putting on a show for everyone to see their importance, Regina tired of the farce. She decided to put all six members of this committee out of their misery. She leaned forward. "See. I thought that as well, but then I looked a little further. We do have people in place to verify transactions and prevent someone from creating essentially fake credit that is usable. He had to have helpers inside. So far, I have been able to locate two. But, that is why I think we need to have someone search all his transactions to ferret out the others."

She pretended to check the time on her watch before addressing them again. "I believe I suggest this earlier, but I think we need a detail-oriented specialist to look through his transactions. Someone familiar with what we do. An expert. Someone that could speed us through the process."

"I'm all ears, Miss Mills. Who would you suggest?" She ignored Whale's overly enthusiastic response. She knew he wanted to promote one of his incompetent sycophantic assistants.

"Why don't we take a quick break and I will bring you the files of 3 individuals capable of doing it. One of them, I think, is superior to the other two, but I would rather we choose together than everyone following my lead blindly." The narrowing of her eyes at Whale threatened him into keeping his mouth shut.

"I agree. Let's take a quick recess, and you can present your suggestions." George Spencer stood and clapped his hands together, dismissing the lot. 

Regina picked up her cellphone and trotted toward her office to retrieve Emil, August, and Lisa's files. All three employees had their merits, but Emil's record spoke for itself. She knew who they would pick. The choice would be easy, obvious even.

Ignoring her secretary trying to garner her attention, she entered her spacious office and closed the door. Keying in her passcode on her phone, his texts appeared — each one raising her blood pressure higher.

The first worried her.

The photograph stopped her heart for a moment. 'Is Red dangerously obsessed with me enough to hurt him?'

She picked up her office phone. "Teresa, can you see if Emil has checked in through security? Is he on his floor working? Find him, please."

Then, she pushed play on the audio recording he sent. She recognized Red's voice instantly. "I can't believe someone as amazing as she is dropping her playthings for someone like you. Like what the fuck are you supposed to be anyway? You look less like a man but hardly close to being a woman. It's people like you that make it hard for actual women to be taken seriously…"

She stopped the recording and dropped her phone to her desk's surface.

"Teresa, clear my afternoon. I have a personal matter that needs attention."

The rattling of her phone against the desk caused her to flip it over.

ES: Help!. I've done something stupid. I'm in Elias's office, trying to convince him that I can go to the ER after our meeting. 

Her eyes widened. "What has Em gotten himself into now?"

  
  



	7. Impressed Swan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Regina deals with Em and his hand, among other issues.

"Mr. Swan, call the elevator." Regina snapped at the man as they walked away from their meeting. "You did wonderfully talking to the board. Color me pleased, but as far as what you did to your hand earlier, well, that is going to cost you."

He pushed the button and waited while she used her phone. He knew better. He had known to explode on that towel dispenser was foolish. He knew she would be angry. He knew he didn't deserve her attention.

The ding of the elevator kicked him out of his spiraling thoughts. As soon as the door closed, a gentle hand turned his chin towards her. "Whatever your thinking now, stop it."

He swallowed thickly. "Yes, my Queen." The words fell soullessly from his lips as the elevator lurched downward.

She used her executive key to override anyone waiting.

"Look at me." His eyes traveled from the floor at her feet up to meet the warmest eyes he had ever witnessed.

"Sorry." He sheepishly stated, feeling the elevator lurch again.

"I'm waiting. What are you sorry for?" Her eyebrow raised in a silent challenge. "Would it be for the destruction of company property or for doing something harmful to yourself?"

He sighed and nodded. "I should have waited until I was somewhere else to fall apart. I know that isn't acceptable. If you want to rat me out and take away this new job, I will understand."

She caressed his face with the back of her hand. "How is it that you have known me this long and you still don't understand?"

His shoulders dipped further under the weight of his failure. 

"No. Don't do that." 

He flinched. "I don't understand."

She laughed lightly. "That is an understatement, dear. You don't comprehend a lot of things. And, the ridiculous towel dispenser is not my problem. I am concerned about you breaking your hand and then having to sit through a meeting. That hand needs to be seen to sooner rather than later."

Not for the first time that day, Emil felt thankful this woman cared. He cleared his throat before speaking. "Yeah. I should definitely go to the ER unless you have a better idea."  
Regina wrapped her fingers around his wrist, pulling his hand up where she could see the swelling and bruising. "As a matter of fact, one of my good friends has agreed to see us as soon as we can get over there." She carefully let go of his hand. "We also have someone else we need to visit while we are out. As we are leaving for the day, you need to sign out and gather your things."

"Yes, ma'am," He said, smiling at her.

Minutes later, Emil found himself seated in Regina's car. 

"So why did you want to beat up a metal towel dispenser?"

"Really? That's the conversation you want to have?"

"I am genuinely curious about how your mind works. I can't be mad at you, but I can try to understand what is going on in that head of yours. Better than pushing the wrong buttons and making it worse. Unless you would prefer me to torment you until we get there."

He knew what kind of torment she was suggesting, "No. Let's not do that." He breathed frustratingly through his teeth. "Well, did you get my texts? The picture?"

"Yes. I understand the reason and will be dealing with that accordingly. I want to know why you waited to beat up an inanimate object and not the person."

"Because I didn't want to beat up anything or anyone." Letting out an irritated sigh, Emil collected his thoughts. "I said what I had to say, but the words didn't soothe the anger. It was annoying me, building up inside like the noise of nails scratching across a chalkboard." He clenched his jaw and worked it loose until finding the right metaphor for his situation. "Have you ever gotten a splinter you couldn't dig out of your finger?"

She raised a brow, "Maybe once upon a time ago when I was a child. I certainly don't do carpentry as a hobby. Knot tying, now that's more my style." Her plump red lips parted into a mischievous grin.

Emil's heart lodged itself in his throat. "Focus, please?"

"You're no fun." Regina pouted, "Fine, but after we are done with this side adventure, we're going to do something I want. Continue."

He could only imagine what she had in mind, but the blonde quickly directed his attention back to the subject before he found himself inside an endless loop of arousal. "Imagine a splinter in your finger; it's not incredibly painful. Because it's in your finger, you are suddenly aware of how much you use your hands for everything little thing you do. Grabbing a cup or opening a door, it throbs as a reminder it's still there festering." He flexed his uninjured fingers, grateful he didn't wreck both of his hands.

"I am starting to get the imagery." Without taking her eyes off of the road she found his hand and gave it a gentle pat. "I didn't think to ask you this first; Is talking about this going to help you or hurt you?"

Startled from his train of thought, he grabbed her hand and kissed it. "I'm good, thanks for asking."

"Alright, but if those unwanted feelings start popping up, please tell me."

He nodded, "I got into the bathroom to take a moment to collect myself; every time I closed my eyes, her smug face would flash brightly in the darkness. My chest would throb, my stomach twisted, and my hands would clench. Just symptoms of anger, but no connection to the actual emotion. I wanted it to stop. Much like tearing open the skin around the splinter to retrieve it, I threw my fist. Actual pain. With the splinter gone, it's still sore, but it's healing — same thing with the situation. My hand hurts, but it's healing. My emotions aren't tangible, but the pain is, and I can handle that better."

"Was it always like that for you?"

"No. I used to be able to embrace what I was feeling and stop it. Now, it's like I know I am feeling something, but it's based on memory." Furrowing his brow, Em struggled to find the right context. "The testosterone severed my emotions. They exist but aren't connected like they were. Does that make sense?" 

"It does. I've never known you to have a temper, so I can imagine that's changed."

Looking sheepish yet introspective, he studied his swelling fingers. "Changed yes, but it is not more. I don't get angry like other people. I get more annoyed, frustrated, but not rage-filled. I can't give the feeling justice with words. Imagine impotent anger with no direction, and you will have a vague idea."

The car stopped in a parking garage. "We are here. Now, let me do most of the talking. Once you have been seen to, I will need you to talk a bit more personally. You will understand when we get to the discussion." She squeezed his uninjured hand. "I can't promise that this will go your way as far as the damage to your hand, but we will be fixing part of your day."

The two left the car and entered a professional medical building. Regina led him into a quiet office where she bypassed the waiting room with only a nod from the front desk as soon as they stepped in the back. They were met by a petite little man who looked over his glasses at them. "Dr. Jekyll requested that you wait for him for the x-rays. Let me escort you."

Emil relaxed as the proficient staff put the two of them in the most comfortable waiting room in a radiology suite had ever witnessed. Regina sat in a plush loveseat where he could not manage to force himself into a chair. The large window in the corner caught his attention. He watched people walk around in the garden below while his mind wandered over what he had to say.

"Who is this doctor again?"

Regina smirked. "Jekyll. I'm afraid he does not see just anybody. In fact, if you had looked at the waiting room you would have noticed very few chairs. Most of us that use his services are rather shy about who we allow treating our significant others."

The blonde nearly swallowed his tongue whole on her last sentence. Then, he turned his eyes away from the sun and toward the brightest thing in his life. "About that, your friend...well, she said something I found kind of interesting."

A soft smile played across her lips. "Oh, and what would that be?" She pats the fabric beside her.

Slowly, he made his way over and dropped into the seat without letting his eyes fall from hers. "She mentioned your other playthings. Well, she implied." He paused, breaking eye contact. 

"Don't worry about the things she said."

He blurted out the first thought that came to mind. "What if I want it to be true?"

Her eyes squint as she examines him closer. "I guess you aren't referring to her ridiculously transgender phobic rant. What could she have possibly said that you wish confirmed?"

He shrugged.

"Use your words," she commanded.

His voice cracked as he forced his greatest desire out of his mouth. "She said you dropped your other playthings. Lost interest. Or some such. I don't know. But, she implied I was more important than any of them." The swath of red skin sweeping across his cheeks and igniting his ears brought a beaming smile to Regina's face.

"I'm afraid that is very true, which means I may have instigated the scenario for your bad morning." A doctor rushing through the door interrupted her thoughtful words.

Dapper to the point of gentility, his grey woven trousers and fitted dress shirt spoke of greater attention to his clothes than Emil expected from a doctor. "Regina. It's so good to see you, no matter the circumstances."

She shook his hand while her left squeezed the knee next to her. The blonde in question locked eyes on the newcomer.

"I don't believe you have ever brought any of your subs to me before."

She shook her head. "No, I've never had the occasion, but this one is special. Emil, this is Dr. Jekyll."

"Special indeed." Appraising the blonde with scrutinous jet eyes, he didn't offer his hand. "Let's head back, and we can see to that hand of 'his'?" He cautiously weighed the pronoun.

"Yes, his hand rudely greeted a metal towel dispenser. Repeatedly. I'm not sure if it's just tender or if he broke a bone or two. I also need to discuss placing someone on the blacklist."

Dr. Jekyll froze; his face became stoic. Then, he looked over her pet one more time and back to Regina.

"Now that's even more curious than you bringing in a pet. However, I would wager that part A of this situation may have led to part B. I'll call my sister." He immediately pulled out his phone and thumbed in the digits of his passcode. "Follow me." 

Jekyll led them back to one of the small rooms, his conversation short, and the point with the person on the other end of the call. Pocketing the device, he opened the door, "I need to borrow him for a few to get some X-rays." He stated matter of factly.

"Of course." She placed a hand on Emil's shoulder, "You can trust him." 

"I'll need your permission to touch him if I am to examine the hand." 

"You have it, but you'll need to get Emil's permission too."

"Intriguing. If you continue this odd behavior I may ask my sister to do an eval on you before she leaves. I feel like I have seen a vampiric unicorn that is dating Nessie. Never seen you so considerate of your playthings before."

Emil loved seeing the bashful grin appearing on Regina's face. "He's not just a plaything to me. So treat him as an extension of me." Regina raised a perfectly sculpted brow. 

"Very well." He reached out his hand to the blonde, "Dr. Theodore Jekyll."

Timidly he shook the man's hand, "Emil Swan." He allowed a worried glance to connect with Regina but found himself following the doctor regardless.

Guided next door into a dimly lit room, he pointed to a stool by the exam table. "Have a seat." He did as instructed, his eyes following the doctor as he grabbed a small slab. "What's the dose they've got you on?"

"Point five every two weeks."

"Small. Just started the hormone therapy. The emotions can get a little screwy as they move you up on the doses. My recommendation for avoiding nasty scraps with bathroom fixtures; expel the excess energy on rigorous exercise. Usually, they encourage five days a week, but in reality, if you've been exercising before the testosterone, you'll need to double your routine. Add more weight; push the extra mile." He placed the slab on the table and carefully moved Emil's hand into position. "You need to be completely exhausted when you finish your workout. Once your body finds it's balance, you won't need to drain yourself."

"Thanks, I'll keep that in mind."

"Good. Hold that position." Moving the machine into position, he centered the illuminated crosshairs on the back of the blonde's hand. "I'll need two more shots after this one, bear with me." He said, exiting the room. The machine whirled and clicked while the glowing image flickered. A moment later, he returned and set back to the task.

"What's with the whole permission bit?"

"Christ, is Regina your first Dom?" The shocked tone of voice did not slow his movements as he worked. "Submissives are the property of their Dom. Basically, Regina isn't treating you as property." 

Blonde eyebrows shot skyward. "To be honest, I haven't done anything like this before. We've been friends for years, and I finally agree to try it out."

"Does it interest you?"

"Sorta, but I find myself embarrassed by it."

"It doesn't demasculinize you." Holding on to Emil's wrist, he gently twisted it into position. "Make a fist, as best you can." 

"I'm not worried about that. Or at least that's what I want to believe."

"Perfect, hold it there." Again the doctor left and returned once the next shot was finished. "If you want a relationship with her, just ask. She's not gonna get mad at you for wanting something normal."

"Normal is overrated." He scuffed the thought.

"Try to fan out your fingers." Pressing down on the blonde's hand ignited a bolt of pain. Emil subconsciously jerk back, but Dr. Jekyll kept him in place. "Normal is overrated for a lot of people, but you are a different story. You need to give yourself permission to explore your vulnerable side. Now that you are aware of your gender identity, it's okay to drop your guard and be vulnerable. You don't have to pretend to be someone that you are not anymore." He stood up and made to leave, but stopped himself. "It must be exhausting to pretend to be someone else continuously. Faking a satisfied existence gains you nothing. You don't have to please everyone. You are allowed to be happy." 

Much of the conversation had bounced off of him, but at that moment, Em felt the cracks of his mask expand enough to feel the words strike him. Silently he waited for the doctor's return. His hand throbbing as he fought to keep the position until the last click of the machine sounded.

"I've got to look these over, go back to Regina, I'll be along shortly."

Walking back to the room with his head down, Emil replayed the conversation partly to torture himself. 

"Who are you?" A woman with fiery red hair met him in the hallway. Immediately Emil's mouth snapped shut. "You're not Teddy's usual treat. Is he dabbling in non-binary now?" 

Confused, he shook his head, "Who's Teddy?"

"Dr. Jekyll, this is his office. If you aren't his, then you must be--"

"He's mine." Popping her head out into the hallway she waved Emil into the room, but blocked the redhead with a pointed look. "Take all those salacious thoughts stirring around in your head and cast them into the void of never-ever-gonna-happen."

"Ah, Regina." Her lips curled into a pleased smile. "Of course, this one's yours."

"Hello Amelia, it's been a while." Emil marveled at the professionally courteous tone offered between the two women. He had suspected friendship, but the distant attitude Regina had made him question it.

"That it has. So who are we black marking, and why?" She entered the room and closed the door. 

"Straight to the point. Got someplace to be?"

"Unless you plan to share your tasty little treat with me... I've got a room lined up at the club. Looking to break in one of the boys I picked up a couple of nights ago. This little detour better not ruin those plans."

"I promise to be quick about it. Ruby Lucas."

"Now that is a name I didn't expect. What did she do that deserves a complete removal from our community?"

"Stalking Emil and me. She pretended to be an Uber driver to pick him up and verbally attacked him. I am concerned she might try something more drastic if I give her the chance. Emil, your phone."

She held out her hand for the device. Without question, he dropped the device in her palm.

"Would you like to see the evidence?" With the click of a few keys, the video footage of Ruby's inexcusable behavior captivated the room.

Giving a lopsided grin, "That is distressing, but no physical altercation took place." She held up her hand to silence Regina's impending argument. "However, I'm not going to discount the severity of Miss Lucas's infraction." Amelia weighed her thoughts, "I can't remove her from the community, but I can place her on probation."

Regina sucked in a steadying breath, "Is that the best that you can do?" 

"Them's the breaks." The redhead shrugged. "I know it's not what you were hoping for, but we have rules, and those rules have rules. I can't just toss someone out because of a rant. The stalking is enough to warrant the probation."

Respecting Amelia's point of view, Regina shifted her attention to her silent companion. "It's the first of many steps we can take to ensure she won't be a problem."

Puzzlement twisted Em's features, "So is this some sort of restraining order?"

"Cute and clueless." Amelia chuckled. "No. She's gonna be on notice about the behavior. If Miss Lucas strikes out again, she'll be banished from the community. If she gets blacklisted it will hurt her chances with other smaller communities too. We may be a bunch of elitists, but at the end of the day, we give second chances. Can you imagine being in her shoes for a moment? She's losing a Mistress she trusted with her life. That's gotta hurt."

"Yeah, I can see how that would lead to her lashing out at me. It wasn't the right way to handle it, but if there was one thing I have learned about my own emotions, it's that sometimes they control me."   
"Never-the-less, she's in no position to be making another scene like that. She'll lose a lot more than Regina if she steps out of line again. Which brings me to my next question." Turning towards the brunette, "Have you dissolved your contract with Miss Lucas?"

Regina straightened her posture once again, becoming the imposing Queen that Emil found fascinating. "Not yet, but I will be doing so shortly. I have eased her into the idea by hinting this would be happening. The last three or four times she and I spoke, I made it no secret that our playtime was winding down."

Amelia's amused smirk spoke volumes. "I recommend doing it delicately. Don't let that temper of yours get out of control." 

"I haven't lost my temper in years," Regina scoffed. "Besides, I kept my cool when she showed up at my door uninvited at 2 a.m. She knows she's crossed me twice now. She has already breached the contract. But we must formally dissolve it."

"You haven't had anything worth losing it over. Until now." Amelia's eyes danced back and forth between the couple. "I don't know that I have ever seen you this attached to anything."

A gentle rap at the door tore their attention from the topic. "Sorry to interrupt." Dr. Jekyll entered with a set of films in his hand. 

"Hello, Teddy." Amelia reveled in the shudder it drew from the man.

"You know I hate being called that." Muttering, Jekyll squeezed between the group and stuck the images onto the lightbox. 

"Can't help it, you'll always be my first teddy bear. I'll leave y'all to it. Regina if you need to get ahold of me next time DM me. If I see it's from you, I will always respond." 

"Thank you, Amelia. I will if the need arises." Emil stood amazed at the deferential behavior from Regina. He needed to understand the pecking order of this world because he could not help wondering why the Queen would 'bow' to anyone.

Jekyll cleared his throat and turned on the backlights for the x-rays. "I'm afraid your swan has a broken wing. He needs to have a cast for the next 6 to 8 weeks on his right hand."

Emil's eyes widened. "I didn't know I hit it that hard." Regret filled eyes turned toward his Queen. He gulped dramatically. "Will I be punished for this?" 

Regina considered her answer carefully, watching the man shiver slightly. Her lips curled. She leaned forward and whispered in his ear. "Why do I think you will enjoy every minute of it? It isn't a punishment if it causes you pleasure, now is it?


	8. Silenced Swan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Regina deals with Em and his poor decision making. It doesn't take long for them to get on the same page more or less.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This may be the last of the updates for a week or two. For continuity sake, I hate to publish the next one or two until we progress again. I will say when you get to "Willing Swan" you will know that has an awesome sex scene. So, we are getting to the fun part, even though this story is much more about the journey than most. I hope all of you are well.

Boredom quickly fell upon the blonde after Regina went inside the pharmacy to retrieve his prescriptions. Fishing his phone from his pocket, he noticed a new message banner on the lock screen. 

Aleksander: Hey, buddy! Haven’t heard from you in a while. Just checking in and wondering if you wanted to meet up. 

Reading over the message drew a thin line across his lips. Em hadn’t texted Aleksander back since their initial conversation. Guilt bubbled in his stomach, ‘The guy shared his life’s story, and I left him hanging.’

Sitting in the stagnant silence, Emil contemplated his reply. “Sorry for disappearing on you the other night. I am excited about getting together. Considering we both work; I know finding a time that lines up with our schedules will be tricky. When are you off? I work mornings Monday through Friday.” Utilizing the voice to text feature wasn’t exactly easier as it had some issues deciphering the words. After making minor corrections, he sent the text.

A few moments trickled by, his attention turned to YouTube as he caught up on some of the latest videos from his subscriptions. 

Aleksander: No worries! I have Wednesdays and Thursdays off. Or we could meet up for breakfast or something on the weekend.

“I think I can do Wednesday. Let me get back to you tomorrow. I gotta make ride arrangements.” He cringed midway through the last sentence, fretting over the possible implications the man could arrive at. Em hated the idea of being incapable. He had a perfectly nice car to drive sitting in his parent’s garage--the thought drove a chill up his back.

Holding down the backspace, he cleared the text and started again. “Thursday works for me. Would you like to meet up for something edible?” 

Barely a minute ticked by before his phone alerted him to a response.

Aleksander: Dude! I am super ecstatic! YES! Where and when? 

Reading the text brought a smile to his lips. “Are you a beer and wings guy, or anything goes kinda guy?”

Aleksander: Anything goes. Don’t hate me, but I make poor decisions on drinks. I’m assuming there will be liquor involved? 

“Only if you want to. I like sipping on a beer and talking, but adult beverages don’t have to be involved.”

Aleksander: Let’s see how you feel after work before making that statement. I sometimes down a thing of vodka after a tough day. 

“Trust me after the day I had. Vodka would be a blessing. Have you ever been to BobbyQ’s?”

Aleksander: I had to google it. Seems kinda like a classy barbecue joint. The food looks good. Kinda pricey though.

He shamefully grimaced. For once, Emil realized he was a little better off financially. Taking a moment to look over his bank account balance, he mentally calculated his bills and rounded down on the flexible balance he allowed himself. It wasn’t a great deal but figured there was enough to afford a fun night out. “Dude, let me treat you. It’s the least I can do for going MIA.”

Aleksander: I’ll cover my meal. If we drink, then I suppose you can cover those.

“Very tactful. Okay, let’s meet around 6 pm.”

Aleksander: Sounds like a plan! I’ll see you there.

“See you then!”

The car rocked with the forceful slam of Regina’s door, causing his eyes to dart from his phone to the beauty beside him.

“I take it; you had to wait?” he asked, unsure of the woman’s mood. Her eyes had blackened to midnight in the few minutes she had been away. That didn’t bode well.

Regine leaned over the console toward him. “You should know that I do not wait for anyone.”

“Right.” His voice cracked nervously.

She started the car and headed toward his apartment. “I texted you a list. When we get to your place, I need you to show me where you keep your suitcase, and then we are going to gather clothes for the remainder of the week. If need be, we can retrieve more clothing later if necessary.” 

The derisive sniff that punctuated the end of the statement caused Emil’s eyebrows to rise. “Okay.” He withheld the neverending questions bubbling up into his mind. Regina’s attitude told him this was not the time to question her choices. He thumbed through the list she sent. “Ah. I need to add my hormones and needles. And, my pillow. If I am staying for more than a day or two, I will need it.”

“Mr. Swan, I have lots of pillows.”

He shrank in the chair, chewing on his lower lip. “But, I need my pillow. If I don’t feel well, it makes everything better.” He whined.

His eyes shot to the knowing smirk beside him. 

“You just rolled your eyes at me, didn’t you?”

Part of his soul ached because the beautiful creature next to him might be laughing at his expense, but her mood had softened, which was worth all the poking fun in the world.

“If you are nice to me I might let you borrow it sometime.” His ears pinked knowing she would soon see one of his biggest secrets. He sighed. ‘She knows everything else, why not this too?’

Emil’s leg pumped up down in time with his heartbeat dreading her knowing this, yet a smile played across his lips, imagining Regina lying between its antlers. 

“We’re here.” Regina poked his ribs, rousing him from his internal quandary.

“Right.” He got out of the car and began walking to the front door until he realized she wasn’t following. Perplexed he began to trudge toward the car, then thought better of it. He unlocked the door and went inside. He sprinted to his bedroom grabbed the suitcase from the closet, and began to fill it with the listed items. Knowing how much Regina appreciated efficiency, he wasted no time on selecting entertainment. Whatever he needed, she would supply. He didn’t doubt it. After zipping up the sturdy bag, he rolled it to the kitchen, where he pulled his sharps and hormones from their designated drawer. He slid them in the side zip before returning for his pillow.

He sprinted into his bedroom and moved aside his comforter and decorative pillows to pull out his fluffy oversized moose pillow. For a moment, he considered hiding it in another case, but he didn’t think his hand could deal with pulling a bag. He flopped it over his arm so that Marty’s head and antlers stood out proudly.

He used his good hand to pull his bag behind him and stepped over the threshold. He half expected her to be leaning against the rail tapping a foot in frustration, but instead, he could see her in the car arguing with someone over the phone--his exit had not garnered her attention. He locked the door and proceeded down the steps, carefully dropping the case each time from step to step in a steady rhythm. His eyes never left the car waiting for the moment her eyes landed on his cargo. 

“I don’t care. Get it taken care of now!” Her aggravated voice pierced through the car’s exterior. Suddenly, her eyes zoomed in on her companion. Using one hand, to lower her sunglasses, her eyes widened comically. 

Regina leaned forward and fiddled with the car’s controls. The trunk released. As he lowered the luggage into the car, peels of her laughter rang out. 

He eyed the trunk and looked at Marty. He could squeeze his buddy in but decided not to do it. Standing a little straighter, Emil opened the passenger door and slid in, cuddling the moose to his chest. He closed the door and reconnected the seatbelt causing brown fur to be compressed against his body.

Slowly, he turned his earnest green eyes to shining chocolate. “Did I take too long?”

Regina’s eyes danced. She bit her bottom lip trying to force a straight face. “Are you sure that’s necessary?” She almost managed to ask the question without a snort of laughter erupting. Almost.

“Admit it. He’s the cutest thing you’ve ever seen, isn’t he?” Emil turned the big fluff head so that it looked at her. 

Making the sappiest deep voice he could create, he moved Marty’s head in time with the words. “Hello, your majesty. I am so glad to meet you.”

She laughed again. “Swan, if you are this goofy before the meds, I can’t wait to talk to you in an hour.”

Regina led Emil into her apartment only to have their conversation interrupted by another call.

She peered at her cell, seeing the name Ruby in bright lettering. She could not avoid this confrontation much longer.

“Em, why don’t you go settle in your things? I need to take this.” 

Emil tried to ignore the bitter edge in her voice as he carried his things down the hallway. He hesitated at the master suite, debating if she intended him to share her quarters, but catching a glimpse of his still too feminine face in the mirror made him rethink the idea. His shoulders slumped as he trudged down to the guest room. He dropped Marty onto the end of the bed before propping the case on the chair next to the closet.

“What are you doing?”

The snapin Regina’s voice told him that he had chosen wrong.

“I’m unpacking.” His words came out more of a question than an answer.

She stalked over the bed and grabbed the moose by an antler. “This is not where either of you will be staying. I thought I made myself clear. I like to keep my things  _ close. _ You, dear, will stay in my room with me  _ where you belong. _

Em swallowed thickly. “Yes, mistress.” Warm static sparked in his gut and spread across his body. Instantly his brain plunged into the gutter and rolled in the murky water. Images, along with the faintest scents and sinfully soft textures, swirled from memory teasing his senses with tantalizing promises. He felt the painful surge of blood pump into his sex, causing him to stumble forward to catch himself from falling over.

Regina curiously watched the blonde’s reaction with a bemused smirk propping up the corner of her lips. “I believe we need to set some boundaries for bedtime. I wouldn’t want to force you into anything that makes you uncomfortable-- I do enjoy certain liberties when I have a bedmate.” Leaving the implication hanging in the air, she exited the room, followed by Em’s stifled groan. 

Quickly composing herself, she took Ruby off of mute. “Thank you for holding.”

“Of course, Mistress. When can I see you?” Ruby wasted no time to get to the point. No sense of worry carried in her tone as if the whole exchange with Emil never happened. Ruby’s arrogance astounded Regina, but anger boiled the blood in her veins. ‘She’s delusional if she thinks Emil wouldn’t tell me about the incident.’

“I was hoping Wednesday night.”

“My place or yours?”

“Dinner at the clubhouse.”

“You’ve never taken me to the clubhouse before. What’s the special occasion?” The sweetness in her voice soured Regina’s mood. 

“I’ll send instructions and the address. Be there at 6pm. And, make sure you are dressed appropriately this time.”

“Yes Mistress.”

Letting a relieved breath roll off her lips, she ended the call and tossed the device into her purse, hopeful it would be forever lost in the fabric folds. Quickly her thoughts turned to Emil, ‘I’ve left him unsupervised too long in my room. He’s a creature of comfort… he hasn’t had a bath.’ Regina’s concern flew to her clean Egyptian cotton.

She reentered her bedroom to discover the room empty. However, the grunts and curses coming through the ajar ensuite door told her where he went.

“Fucking hell!”

Regina stared in amused astonishment as Em hopped around her tile floor, dragging his pants behind one leg. His button-down dangled from the cast while his good arm tried to rip his undershirt over his head. Instead, he had created a tangled pretzel of clothes unwilling to cross the now thicker appendage.

“Stop!”

The pale skin of his upper back flushed red above his binder. She suspected his face fared no better.

“Hold still.” First, she unbuttoned the wrist of his long-sleeved shirt and eased it over the cast; then, she tugged the undershirt so that it sat across his chest. Warm coffee caught befuddled emerald. Regina traced her fingers down his side and then knelt on the floor. “Balance on your other leg.” He shifted then lifted his left foot. She carefully slipped his pants and sock off and then gathered all the garments into a neat pile. Then, she deposited them all in her dirty laundry bin.

“Now, I suspect you aren’t ready for me to see the full package yet. Am I correct?”

He nodded and gulped, afraid that he understood where this led.

Her loving smirk gave little away. “I’ll be right back.” She returned a moment later with a pair of black board shorts. She bent down and held them open. “Step in, please.” 

He did quickly. He never ceased being surprised that she knew his size and taste so well. She stepped behind him and whispered in his ear. “Drop the shirt.”

“What?” Then, his instincts kicked in, and he followed directions. 

“Cast up.” She threaded the arm of the wife-beater over his cast. “Now, raise it over your head and slip your other arm in, I will pull it down from behind you. I can’t see anything other than this gorgeous back.” She kissed him between the shoulder blades to emphasize her point.

“I’ve got it from here,” he said with a slight tremor in his voice, but as he slipped his arm through, he realized he could not slide the shirt down with only one hand.

Plump lips brushed the skin of his back again. “Dearest, you have a lot to learn. Listen carefully because I am not repeating myself. I am taking care of you. That means I will help you dress and undress when necessary.” As she tugged the shirt down to his waist, removed the binder, then she guided him to spin around to face her.

“Now, go turn on the shower to the temp you prefer. Leave the cast outside. I need to make a few adjustments; then, I will help you wash.”

Nodding his head vigorously, he realized he had stepped out his depth a long time ago. He turned on the water and fiddled with the knob until it landed between soothingly warm and fry your ass off hot. He stepped under the spray leaving his one arm sticking out of the curtain.

First, Regina lowered the lights, a move Emil much appreciated. Next, she wrapped his cast in plastic so that he did not have to hold it out much longer. His arm had begun shaking five minutes ago-- this was not a little thing. Soon, two hands scraped through his wet hair.

“Tilt your head. It isn’t wet enough.” Following her lead, nails raked along with his calp cleaning and electrifying his skin. He loved and hated the pampering. Relaxing a little more than he should have, he stepped backward and used his good arm to steady himself. His mind went blank as it registered rubbing against wet, warm skin behind him.

Regina felt his body go rigid. She had triggered something within the man that she hadn’t intended. “Emil, baby? Talk to me. What’s going on?”

He squeezed his eyes closed. His voice cracked as he sobbed out. “Why are you naked?”

Exasperated, “Really? I thought that would be obvious as to why.”

“No, not really.” He grabbed the bar of soap from the tray.

She sighed dramatically, “It’s not like I haven’t been naked around you before.” She squeezed the bridge of her nose. “Em, I need you to explain this to me. I don’t understand.”

“That was before,” he whined.

She popped in on the ass. “Get over it. You need to bathe, and I don’t want to make a mess. You’ve seen me naked a half a dozen times. I had hoped you enjoyed the show then. I hope you like it even more now.”

Regina heard a strangled sound come out of the man in front of her. He spluttered and stuttered out, “It’s just that-- Somethings aren’t the same. Like....”

“Like what Mr. Swan? Again not a mind reader.” A dangerous edge crept into her voice.

“Nope. Never mind. Just hurry it up.”

The brunette felt his walls coming up and refused to live with the result. She pushed her body flush with his back. The peaks over breasts brushed against the soft fabric encasing his back.

“Oh no, tell me. You are mine. You owe me the truth, my sexy little man.”

He dropped the soap. “Sexy?” She turned his head so that their eyes met again.

“You heard me,” she purred into his ear. “Sexy. You were lovely before with golden curls and leather jackets, but you always felt like you faked it. Now, short hair, and slowly coming into your own, you are one of the sweetest, sexiest men I know.”

“But, my body’s still not right.”

She pulled him tighter against her body, bringing them nose to nose. “It isn’t your body that makes me want you. This is only packaging. Have you ever got a Christmas gift that had birthday wrapping paper on it?”

“No. But, I think I might have given you one a few years ago.”

“I have. It might have been you. I don’t remember anymore because I loved the gift. The paper didn’t change what was inside. The present was special.”

“I bet you don’t even remember what it was. It couldn’t be that great.”

She turned the water off since she had managed to get him clean while they talked. She stepped out of the shower, wrapped her body in a towel then tossed one over his head.

“It might surprise you that I know exactly what present it was. It was an autographed concert poster from one of my favorite bands, Blue October.”

“It took forever for the framer to matte and frame that thing.” She helped him dry his hair as he spoke.

“Did I ever pick on you for it being birthday paper?”

“No.”

“Then, don’t expect me to give you a hard time in the transitioning process, either.”

He sounded annoyed as he gritted out, “But, I can’t help how the turtle reacts.”

She shivered at his words. His eyes widened as he realized what he had seen. “I’m glad I turn you on; you’ve had that effect on me for years.”


	9. Shaken & Stirred Swan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As you can see, we have not abandoned the story....we have 4 more chapters written and are working on the one after that....so enjoy. Stay healthy and safe.

Emerging from the bathroom with a towel draped around his shoulders, cold ambient air of the bedroom pleasantly greeted his warm damp skin. Regina afforded him time to compose his rampant libido, instructing him to dress only in his boxers and binder. It was a difficult order for Emil to follow. But after the brunette's generous show of affection and vulnerability; it was the least he could do to repay her. 

His vision slowly adjusted to the dimly lit room; the faint silhouette of the brunette sitting on the foot of the bed drew his attention. Keen emerald eyes detected the subtle glow of olive skin peering out from the loosely tied robe. He followed the nude path down the valley of her breasts, curious how far it went only to settle on the strange dark material clutched in her hand.

"Thank you for following my instructions." Her tone was not of the proud Mistress; it was instead Reggie's, the kind and thoughtful friend he grew to love over the years. He swore even in the poor lighting; he could see a grateful smile tucked between her lips. 

"Now we are at the penalty phase of today's offenses. And you've racked up quite the tally." A seductively sinister purr poured from the Mistress's lips. Leaving her place of purchase in one fluid motion, "I've concocted a beneficial punishment that will not further injure your hand."

"Oh-kay?" He was skeptical of the punishment but unconcerned for his hand. 

"Raise your arms clear of your chest." The order left no room for questions. 

Worry sprouted in his mind causing him to cross his arms over his chest unconsciously. It was a habit that started shortly after puberty, even when Emma wore a training bra she felt exposed. She tried eradicating the feeling over the years, by wearing different styles. At first, she tried what she believed was expected, taking from the pages of magazine ads and TV shows. Sexy stylish laces and dark colors; the kind that would invite attention as if she was proud of what she was given. Then bright, playful colors she thought she would enjoy more. When she started working out, her mother introduced her to sports bras that were a bit tighter, but breathable. 

It was by accident that she purchased the first wrong sized bra, and while two sizes too small, she wore it. Restrictive and on the side of painful, she almost ripped it off immediately but caught the image of herself in the mirror. Her chest was nearly flat without a shirt on. She tested out her wardrobe, pleased by the curveless look her tops now had. She decided to keep the bra, rotating it in when she is feeling more self-conscious. However, it didn't altogether remove her awareness. 

Crossing her arms became a habit whenever she was around other people. She learned early on that people of both sexes had an odd obsession with breasts in general. Vanity or envy, sexualized or fetishized; whatever it was, she wanted none of the interest they attracted.

"Emil, focus." Regina's sharp tone sliced through his rumination. "I left the lights dim for a reason; once this is on, I promise you will feel more secure and less exposed when I turn them on." She waived the dark shackle like device in front of his face. 

Reluctantly he raised his arms, drawing his elbows parallel with his shoulders. "Good boy." She pressed a kiss to his cheek and wrapped the thick padded leather around his chest. She pulled the strap tight, looping the belt into the place she drew back to meet his gaze, "Are you comfortable, or do I need to loosen it a little?"

"Can you tighten it another notch?"

She nodded and adjusted it as requested. "Better?"

"Yes, thank you." Even though he wasn't correctly addressing her, she remained flexible and considerate. She knew better than to push while she hedged on a sensitive boundary of his.

She guided the left arm down and into position. Looping a cuff around his bicep, she fastened it and proceeded to raise his forearm up to his chest. Barely touching his chest while she worked, elicited a shaky breath from her pet, "You're doing great, my sweet boy. Almost done." Paying him for his effort with a chaste kiss, her deft fingers made fast work to tether his wrist to the chest restraint. She repeated the process, only this time leaving the cuff around his cast snug enough to keep it in place.

Satisfied he was adequately secure, Regina left him to flick on the lights. "What would you like your safeword to be?" 

*****

"Ouch! Thank you, my Queen," he breathed out, gritting his teeth. 

"Stop. I need to put William back on your head." 

Emil squeezed his eyes shut and tried once again to hold his chin high. Regina assured him that exercise would correct his poise and possibly his attitude in general. 

"Open your eyes, dearest," she rasped into his ear. "Do you know where you went wrong?"

He shook his head, solemnly. "I failed again. I let the book fall."

Regina tipped his chin up from his chest. "No, that isn't it at all. I asked you what kind of man you wanted to be when you started transitioning. Instead, you started listing everything that was wrong with the most wonderful person I ever met. Emma was/is as darling and special to me as you are. As soon as you began listing what was wrong with her, the book fell. Why do you think that is?"

His eyes flittered up to meet hers as she insistently held his chin in place. "I only looked at the negatives."

She smiled. "That's right. You keep looking at yourself and seeing what is wrong. Let's try something different. Try again. This time, tell me what kind of man you want to be."

He squared his shoulders. She tipped his head further, then placed the book to rest on his crown. "OkayOkay, you may walk, my pet, but you must start talking about what kind of many you want to be."  
He took one step forward, then another. 

"I don't hear anything."

"Sorry, my queen." He huffed out some air then paused his steps and his words. "Um. Confident, I should be confident and strong. I won't let everyone push me around like I'm insignificant."

"Good. Keep going." Her fingers brushed his back as he continued to walk.

"Um. I want to be sensitive to others and how they feel. I don't want to be one of those self-absorbed guys that don't see the people he cares about and what they need. You know, Emma was actually good at that."

Pop. Regina swatted his already tender ass cheek.

"Emma was great at a lot of things. I won't have you running her down because you feel you need to do it. Stop looking backward and stop looking inward all the time. How can you learn what I need from you if you turn inward, hmm?" She used her right hand to soothe the sting in his buttcheek. 

He could still feel the outline of her hand burning from the previous impact. He gulped and chewed on his lower lip, sifting through the lessons of the last half an hour or so. "I can't, my majesty. I have to be attuned to you to serve properly."

She sat the massive tome back on his head. But, this time, she stepped in front of him. Then, she grabbed each of his elbows where she had strapped his arms to his chest. "If you can keep master William's silly little plays on your head for a full five minutes without falling, I will untie your arms." She kissed the tip of his nose and stepped back. "You see, I can't be seen in public with a man who shrinks behind everyone else. You must be self-assured, know your self-worth. How is anyone ever going to take you seriously if you don't do it for yourself? Emil Swan is a survivor. He has heart and strength that few do, so why can't you accept how awesome you are?" 

Her heels clicked as she led him around her apartment with his head held rigidly. "You know, Queen's love to be pampered."

*****

"So, are you going to tell me where we are going?" Emil smiled as he shifted in his seat, trying to relieve some of the sting from his backside.

Regina smirked at him from the driver's seat. "What would be the fun in that?" She turned on the indicator and changed lanes. "Besides, we are almost there. Why tell you when I can show you? I have so very many things I want to show you." She pursed her lips teasingly. 

With a bump, she pulled the car into the parking lot of a strip mall. Emil's eyes searched the many shops for an idea of what was in store for him, but nothing stood out. 

She rolled the car into a spot and threw it into park. "We're here." She stated with the glee of a child on Christmas morning.

Shifting in his seat to remove the seatbelt, his tender ass reminded him of the lesson from earlier, "I'll come around to get your door." His statement widened her smile.

Strolling up to a store with blacked-out windows, a sign on the door caught his attention, 'Must be at least 18, please have ID ready.' He shot a quizzical look to the brunette.

"It'll be fun." She assured him. 

He remained skeptical but chose to humor her. Opening the door, he waited for her to enter before he followed. Hardly a second after crossing the threshold, he took his position at her side—more for his comfort and less about the rules she set for their outing.

"Relax, they only sell the toys. Nothing explicit takes place here."

"That's not what I am worried about." He mumbled.

"Well, well, look what the cat dragged in." Walking from the checkout counter to greet them was an older woman with ebony skin. Her southern drawl carried a playful hint of sarcasm while her eyes held a flicker of surprise. 

"Unfortunately, there is only one store I know of that handles special requests."

"How unfortunate." A small frown formed on the woman's dark lips. 

Emil tightened his hold on the brunette's arm, confused by the tension between the two women. "The owner is a real bitch too."

"Shamefully true."

"Good thing, I am friends with the owner, right?" A small grin crept across her lips.

"It's been way too long, baby girl! Don't be rude; give me a proper greeting!" 

Em peeled himself from Regina's side and gave her room to move. He stood there awkwardly, feeling way beyond his comfortable depth. "No worries, child, you'll get 'er back." 

Unhindered by her velcro-like companion, Regina melted into the taller woman's embrace. "It's so nice to see you, Mama." Delight rolled from her lips with a tender breath. "I'm so sorry I haven't dropped by sooner."

"Don't be bothered by such thoughts." Mama assured the brunette with a gentle squeeze before letting her go. "Seems to me you've got your hands full." She tilted her head towards Em.

"That I do. Mama, this is Em…" Regina paused and gave a subtle nod allowing her time to connect the dots. 

"Oh my, oh my! It's finally happened!" Jubilation flowed through the older woman's body. Elated onyx swept over the timid blonde, appraising him like a treasured prize. "He is adorable. Far more adorable than you described." Her kind words warmed his soul and tinted his cheeks pink.

"I thought sharing this news in person would be better than over the phone. Emil, this is my oldest and dearest friend. The woman that raised me after my own mother disowned me. As you can tell, I trust her with my closely guarded secrets."

His mind imploded by the revelation, he fought to draw breath. In their long history of friendship, the topic remained off-limits. 

"I think ya shocked the poor boy. Might have ta call an ambulance."

"Oh no, you would enjoy that way too much."

"Sexy men in uniform; what's not to like?" She chuckled. 

"Calm yourself. I don't need you having a heart attack before we've been rung up."

"You're no fun. I'm assuming you know your way around and don't want me messing in your business?"

"I would like to keep him breathing."

"Alright. If ya need me, shout." She waved them off and gave a friendly wink to Emil before heading back to the counter.

Grabbing his hand, Regina lead him off the tiled path and into an aisle filled with an assortment of colorful phallic-shaped devices. The deeper she pulled him, the shallower his breaths became as he retreated into his thoughts. Trying to connect the emotion transuding from the depths of his chest, Em's head dipped, concealing the unidentifiable expression taking residence on his face. 

'Why is this bothering me so much?' Frustrated, he demanded an answer his mind didn't possess. 

Her stride slowed as she found the section of flesh tones, "See anything that catches your eye?"

"See what?" Shuttering his internal inquisition, Em played aloof. 

Stopping, she turned to him, "Emil, I want you to pick out your dick."

"WHAT?" Trepidation flitted into his system, clogging the gears turning in his head. 'She certainly knows how to use that bluntness of hers.'

"I doubt the reality where you haven't imagined a dick dangling between your legs." She delivered the statement in a deadpan tone. Reframing from irritation, encase it wasn't evident enough the purpose of their trip, "We are here to find something that fits you and -- well pleasures me. I can't expect you having much fun if it's all one-sided. Unless you prefer fingering me and receiving absolutely nothing in return." Devoid of emotion, she fully contextualized her expectations of their relationship. His reward came with the cost of her indulgence.

Processing this new data, he erred on the side of caution. Speaking through the chaotic storm of thoughts, the whisper from the back of his mind pleaded with him to at least try. Regina deserved more. He owed her a mounting debt that she would never demand he paid as she wasn't that kind of person. Her generosity towards him was the epitome of angelic. 

"Mr. Swan, the absence of your input is discomforting." Tracing her thumb over the back of his knuckles, Regina tentatively coaxed his attention.

"I'm-- I'm good, just pick out what you want." Mustering the minimal response, further frayed his fragile nerves. 

Prepared for the inevitability of hitting his limitations, Regina deferred to her intuition versus tendering to enjoyment. If it were anyone else, she would have retracted the reward and punished them. "That's not how this works, love." The words were as much for her as they were for him. "I can't make a choice for something that's a part of you. It wouldn't be yours, and you'll resent it. Nothing enjoyable can be cultivated from resentment."

Internally his eyes were rolling, he wasn't latching onto the concept she was selling. At the expense of a moment more, he slinked away from her and collected the nearest offensively hot pink phallus. "OkayOkay, I picked. Let's go." He pushed the toy into her hands, and hastily attempted to leave.

"No, you don't." The Mistress inside her drove her arm forward and twisted her fingers through Emil's short blonde locks. She relished the small gasp that escaped his lips more than she should have, but successfully stopped him. Wrenching him around on his feet, she spun him to face her. "You've made extraordinary strides to reach an understanding of who you are at the cost of friends, family, pain, and sanity. This trip is a smaller part to the overarching journey requiring currency in the form of time. Please, for your benefit, don't waste another second diminishing yourself behind the mask of a man. Embrace being one. See the man in you and allow yourself to be him. You aren't a prude, you've had girlfriends and boyfriends. We've talked at length about sex. You shared far more intimate details as if reading the newspaper out loud. So whatever is going on in your head, you need to sort that now and allow yourself to explore all of the path ahead." She retracted her nails and released his head.   
Emil was astonished by the array of emotions coloring Regina's words. Envying how truly connected she was to herself. She spoke like a goddess blessed with boundless knowledge of the universe, pouring the secrets of life's meaning and purpose. He was unworthy to be graced by her time and patience.

Desperate to capture her grace before it could evade, Emil, wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into a hug. "Please." He whispered, settling any attempts from her to protest. Letting out a gentle sigh, she rested against his chest.

"I'm at war with what disturbs me about this aisle. The femininity or inadequate masculinity." It was in that moment he realized his height, he believed himself shorter, no smaller than her. Yet, here he was delicately pouring his words and soul into her ear. "I see this aisle through the view of two gender identities. Don't dredge the subtext of my words, I speak plainly on my perception of the entangled hormones. I spent years weeding out the masculinity to adhere to what a woman was supposed to be as either heterosexual or homosexual. When looking at this aisle; I see what was intended for a lesbian or a straight woman. There isn't an image that suits the trans man that I am. I am struggling with how I should interpret this experience, but have no context of my new situation." His jaw slipped forward as a growl crawled up his throat." I'm frustrated because I believe the poison I've been fed. A real man doesn't have to wear one to be complete or to satisfy his woman. I'm afraid that no matter what I choose, I'll resent it." Ending on a vulnerable whimper, Em held her tighter. "I don't want to drag any more pain into this new life."

Tilting her head, she pressed a kiss into his jawline, "Pain is always changing, new pain and old is part of living. How else could we be grounded to the mortality of our experience? It's a teacher, not an enemy. Focus on what can be learned." Paying him with another kiss, she withdrew and met his watery gaze. "You may not have been gifted with the right parts, but you aren't burdened by them like others are. We can explore greater than conventional means with an infinitive amount of happiness to be found. You aren't alone on this journey; we are in this together." Her dedication to him was sincerely joyous and resolute. Though his doubts churned deep in his chest, the confidence she wore, bled into his consciousness.

Burying his nose into her brunette locks, he pressed his lips to her crown. "OkayOkay." He breathed his acceptance.

"About this particular selection of yours." She scooted back and held the pink phallus object in front of his face. "If you ever desire to test the limitations of my patience with novelty-sized dicks, I'll test the size of your anal cavity with them." 

While staring squarely at the bold neon pink numbers plastered across the box, a sheepish grin parted his lips. "Subway can't be wrong about footlongs satisfying the hunger in you."

"Wrong type of hunger, and even then, I find more satisfaction in portion control." She eyed him dangerously.

"What is that supposed to mean?"  
"Do you really want this shoved up your ass?" She dropped it into his hands.

Grounded by the weight of the object, he finally connected the dots of what kind of damage could be wrought with such a selection. "NOPE." Instinctually clenching his cheeks, he drew back giving her a wide berth. "There is probably a better choice to be made. Let me look a little more."

"Good boy." She chuckled, "Take your time. There is no rush to explore." His Queen watched in fascination as he walked slowly down the aisle, determination, and contemplation tightening his features. 

He moved a little further to the less girthy toys. "Can I defer to you on size? I don't really know the difference between enjoyable and uncomfortable." Inspecting a box titled "Black Mamba," he cringed at the unpleasant imagery his mind concocted.

Regina fought to stifle a laugh at the mortified scowl on his face. "For right now, I will advise staying between 6 to 7 inches."

"Mmmm." His hand snaked behind him and intertwined their fingers. "I do not see anything that looks like my type of realistic, so I'll settle for prosthetic with potential ideas." Grabbing "Adam's Choice," he gave it a decent inspection. "I think this will do." He handed over the plastic-encased silicone. "What do you think?"

She eyed it scrupulously, "A solid first choice. The subtext isn't lost on me either."

"Subtext?"

"Adam and Eve. The supposed first human dick on earth." 

"Do you always read that deeply into things?"

"It's impossible for me not to. Now for an accessory to make it more stimulating for you and just a little bit more for me." She handed it back, giving a quick peck on his cheek. "We are almost done." Guiding him towards the back end of the aisle, she plucked up a box without inspecting it and handed it to him. "There we got the makings of an enjoyable night. Mama will have the other stuff at the counter."

"Other stuff?" He didn't have time to think before he was being pulled back to the tiled pathway. 

"Think of it as enhancements," Regina clarified little, dragging him to a different, less used spot in the store.

"Uh. okay, okay." The discomfort in his own skin came back full force as she stopped in front of a small display of lubes, oils, and something listed as 'intriguing investments.' In the depths of his soul, he hoped to god he wasn't about to discover what that meant.

Regina barely examined her choices before snagging two separate bottles so quickly that he had no idea what they were. "Time to pay mama her dues and escape with our goodies." The wicked smirk on the woman's face made his heart race, his palms sweat and his feet go numb.

"Am I going to die today?" He wondered out loud behind the wild beauty dragging him to the front of the store.

"Regina! What did you do to that poor boy?!" Mama's pleasantly amused laughter rang out of the office open office behind the counter. "I've got them, go ahead and take an extra break." Excusing the employee stationed at the register, she returned her attention to couple. "Anymore tense, and his spine is going to snap like a twig."

"Nothing that he didn't want me to do." She winked. 

"Am I going to have to send someone to clean up that aisle?"

It was Regina's turn to tense, "Hey, that happened one time. Obviously, he doesn't have a dick stuck up his ass." She pointed out with a flourish of her hand.

"Woah, I thought you were joking about anal stuff." Em surprised them both with his added commentary. "Is there something I should know?" 

"Oh, I've got loads of stories, that one, in particular, happens to be the best."

"Mama." Regina warned with a stern tone.

"Fine, another time then." Ringing the items up, "I've put that special order in the bag, along with the website's info. I planned to add their product line to store once they start taking on bulk orders. They have all kinds of stuff that you might be interested in."

"Glad it was mutually beneficial. Thank you so much."

"My pleasure, I hope to see you both again soon. Em, Good luck with your journey until I see you next."

"Thanks." He smiled. "It was a pleasure meeting you."

"Likewise. Regina behave yourself."

"I behave." She haughtily responded. "Time to head home and test this naughty boy out." The implications weren't lost on the group, though Emil's butt cheeks clenched with one he preferred not to test right away.

*****

The drive to Regina's apartment seemed shorter than the trip to collect his--Emil couldn't begin to name what they retrieved--is it a dildo, an appliance or possibly an artificial limb? He gulped at the thought and then flashed over what Jonesy had said about being fitted for his prosthesis. Deep down, he rejoiced to have missed that humiliating experience. The sleek black Mercedes stopped in Regina's private space.

"Let me get your door." She had not turned off the engine before he sped to the other side to assist her out of the car.

"Thank you," she smiled and kissed his cheek lightly. Her eyes glowed with anticipation, and something dark and dangerous Emil was too afraid to name.


	10. Willing Swan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NSFW--Does that count since everyone is working from home these days? Swan gets to try out his present...lots of feels...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We have managed to write another one this week. We are currently on Chapter 13...
> 
> My other story is misbehaving. I can't seem to get the plot functioning so I am letting it stew a little until it straightens itself out. I bet my hurting my back and pain meds might have a little to do with it....who knows. Xevn wrote the bulk of this as usual on this story. It is very personal to him so please keep that in mind in your comments. Thank you to everyone who has been supportive. His journey has been less than easy. When we get to the chapter about his family you will get it. So, until next time...keep safe...wash your hands.

"Em, darling, is everything okay in there? Do you need any help getting it on?"

"No. I managed already." His eyes tracked down the length of his front and stared at the odd protrusion sticking out from his body, taunting him. He squeezed his eyes shut; he pictured how a man should look before he went to spend his first time with a woman he loved. Then, he transposed his face on it. His body fell far short of the image in his head. In comparison, he found himself lacking in too many ways to count. His hairless chest with soft fleshy mounds instead of the pectoral muscles he fought hard to gain. One hand traced his washboard abs wishing the rest of him had that male harness he longed for, then his eyes fell to the rigid piece of plastic masquerading as a real penis.

"God, I'm so pathetic." The words fell from his lips. "At least, I don't have to worry about you getting stiff, do I?"

Em rolled his eyes. "God, now I am talking to it." In an attempt to rub his eyes, he smacked himself in the face with his cast. "Such an idiot," he huffed.

He heard Regina's sigh through the door. "Sweetheart, you are anything but pathetic--step back from the door. I am coming in to help."

The protest died on his lips because the door moved before he could vocalize. The wood creaked on its hinges. His eyes caught how the bright bathroom light punched into the darkness of the bedroom. As his eyes adjusted, he realized that Regina had lit a few candles around the room to provide them the light they needed for the evening. Feeling more at ease, ocean green eyes fell on the woman standing in front of him. 

"Hey," Regina said softly, tipping his chin up so their eyes could meet. "I've known you for a very long time. There has never been an occasion when I didn't see your inner strength. You are amazing. Don't you ever doubt that." His eyes welled with unshed tears. She entwined their fingers, pulling him out of the brightly lit room. She flicked the light off as she passed it.

"Now, where were we?" Regina tugged at the strap, closing her robe before allowing the midnight blue silk to drop to the floor.

Em gulped while his eyes drank in her nakedness.

The brunette watched panic cross his face before she tipped his chin in her direction again.

"What's the issue, dearest?"

"You've never seen me naked," he explained sheepishly.

She smiled sweetly at him. "Oh, my dear, how very wrong you are. I have seen you naked on many occasions. And, I must say your body was always beautiful. Emma was gorgeous, all pale planes and curves. But, you are correct. I have never had the pleasure of seeing Emil's body. It is something I have dreamed of for a while now, but it is a gift that you must choose to offer. I won't take it by force."

She sighed. "You know, for tonight, I would love to feel your skin against mine. I want you to penetrate me and connect with me, but you don't have to be bare for that."

She stepped forward and traced his tie with her fingertips. "If you were to remove your pants, I think we could work around the rest. But, it is your choice. We will only do what makes you comfortable."

His breath came out in small bursts as his panic slid deeper under his skin. "Maybe, we could try blindfolding you?"

She smiled at him. "I think we could do that. I have just the thing." She left him standing at the edge of the bed to open her toy cabinet. "Here it is." She came back offering him the same blindfold she had used on him. "Cover my eyes for me, and then the rest is up to you." She pecked his cheek and waited.

Velvety softness wrapped her eyes. Emil pressed a kiss to the back of her neck, sending a shiver down her spine. 

"Thank you for trusting me," she whispered, sounding awed. Then, she turned and crawled across the bed until she shifted in his direction, propped on one elbow. She pat the sheet next to her and held out her hand, offering for him to join her.

"Come along, darling. Take off what you are comfortable with, and we will work from there."

He kicked off his shoes and socks. Then, he paused to look at her on the bed, waiting patiently. He thought about this long road that Regina had been on with him since the beginning.

_ Regina flew into the room, having received Emma's 911 text to find her favorite blonde balled up on her bed sobbing and heart-broken after another failed relationship. Having used her emergency key, the brunette curled herself around the Em's broken form on the bed but didn't say a word. She rubbed soothing circles on her friend's back while the blonde cried.  _

_ "Why doesn't anyone want me?" _

_ Regina offered, "Maybe because you allow yourself to be their stepping stone since you don't know what you want." _

_ "Cryptic, as always. What the hell do you mean?" _

_ "You may be fooling yourself, but I see right through you. Chasing after relationships to find the acceptance you so desperately seek. The people you pick don't love you; they like the idea of you. You don't love yourself enough to pick people who would put you first. So how can anyone love you when you don't look for the right things or the right people?" Regina's matter of fact explanation caused pain to race through the blonde's system. "To fix this, you have to learn to love you." _

_ "This is not helping." _

_ Agitated, Emma pushed away, leaving the comfort of the bed red in the face, fury, and pain stalking every step. She slid on her boyshorts underneath her robe before dropping the still damp cloth to the ground. Her damp hair leaving wet lines down her back as pale fingers furiously search through drawers for what she sought.  _

_ Sensing her friend's mental state diving into a downward spiral, Regina opened the top drawer where the woman kept her special selection of clothes not meant to be seen by anyone. Collecting a simple black bra--she knew it was several sizes too tight--before handing it over to her friend without comment. _

_ Emma clasped the back and adjusted the fit for as much comfort she could manage with the restrictive material before walking towards the mirror on the wall. She turned to the side, silently inspecting her femininely shaped chest, a small frown tugging at her lips. Reaching behind with one hand, she pulled the strap lower. Her fingertips turned white against the strain and slipped from their hold without gaining an inch.  _

_ Regina's brow creased with a thought popping into her head. "Brassieres are intended to lift and enhance. That isn't what you want, is it?" _

_ The blonde stopped her movements and then let her jaw drop open as she turned toward her friend. Seeming a little embarrassed, Emma ran her hands across the fabric on her chest, removing all wrinkles and stares at the brunette. _

_ "No. I definitely could do with less boob in my life." _

_ "Have you considered getting a binder?" _

_ Emma froze. She took a deep breath and held it. _

_ Regina's eyes glowed with warmth and love for her friend as she eased closer and turned the woman to face the mirror, using her own hands to flatten the other woman's chest and pull her hair back and away. _

_ "Have you ever wished you had been born a boy?" _

_ "Yes.," Em whispered. Horrified fear swept her system, waiting for Regina to run for the door. _

"Emil, where are you?" 

He kicked shoes off, then pulled at his belt. He dropped his pants but decided everything else should stay on, for now: shirt, tie, binder, and boxers.

Crawling on top of the bed, he indignantly shifted the bulge between his legs into a less awkward position. 

"May I touch you?" Em's voice flickered on a fragile note, awe-stricken by the fantastic creature lying beside him; obviously, she granted him permission. Using only a few fingers, he tickled the bottom of her nearest foot, earning a girlish giggle for his effort. Tracing the wiggling tendons, he ran his soft digits lightly along the skin on display. He enjoyed watching the goosebumps erupt as his fingers skim along the olive-toned flesh.

"Is it crazy that I am still in awe of how beautiful you are?" He paused his movements and rested his hand on her hip.

Regina's hand sought his on her hip, then lifted it off and brought it to her face. She kissed his palm then, placed it on her cheek. "We move at your pace, darling."

"Okay." Trying to be brave, he pushed forward brushing their lips together. "Hi."

A smile crept onto Regina's face as she leaned into his brushing their noses and awkwardly bumping their foreheads. "Hi, yourself."

He breathed in her skin and let the smell entice him. "You know, I have always had more than a little crush on you." He eased her down onto her back, aligning his body with hers. 

A warm breathy chuckle painted his face, "That much is known, Mr. Swan." 

Oddly, he like her chocolate depths stared back at him, as though she saw through the fabric darkness covering them and peered back into his soul. 'How does she always do the impossible? Blinded, yet she sees everything so clearly. Am I really that transparent?'

"Then, you know how intimidated I feel having this dream become a reality."

"Absolutely. I am terrified too. I have never been so close to achieving my goal, but yet it feels like it could slip right through my fingers," Regina's admission stunned him.

Emil kissed her forehead, then the tip of her nose, moving tantalizingly slow; he memorized every inch as he moved. "What goal would that be, my majesty?"

"Describing it won't do my vision for this moment any justice." She hummed her thoughts. She ran her fingers through his short blonde strains and tickled his scalp with the tips of her nails. He pressed into the pleasant sensation, chasing after her hand as it left his head. "But, if you will allow me to show you a piece of the tapestry, I am sure you'll find it inspirational." Her words remained airy and light, merely an offer and not the typical demand she was used to making.

Finding his hands in the darkness, she drew her legs back and sat on her knees, leveling her height with his. "Follow my hands; if they make you uncomfortable, remove them." Giving him a reassuring squeeze, "I won't be hurt if you stop me." 

"Promise?" His voice broke with a nervous tremble.

She leaned into his whisper, finding his lips with hers. "Promise." Stealing another kiss she decided to keep his attention trained on her movements rather than divide them. Judging their positions, Regina lowered her hands to the bedding and slid them towards the blonde's legs. Meeting the taut skin of his bent knees, she traced the pads of her fingers up the smooth terrain of his thighs and stopped at the hem of his boxers. Resting her palms against his legs she waited for him to adapt to their position. "Do you want me to say what I intend to do?" 

He shook his head and let out an indecisive breath. "Just do you. I haven't a clue what my mind is thinking." 

"Oh, honey, I'm going to do you. Not myself." She chuckled dryly. "I think I am going to start by making one of my recent fantasies come true. You might like this one." Regina's hands crept slowly up his thighs, her left hand palming the erection through the fabric. She let out a small moan at the feel in her palm. 

Emil stared at the woman in disbelief. Her skin around her neck looked flushed and her breath came in rapid pants. When she licked her lips, he jumped because her sneaky left hand had slipped through the hole and wrapped around his phallus.

"Oh, God."

"I'd prefer Goddess."

He could hear the teasing in her voice as she bent her head down.

"You know you don't have to" His concern for the situation evaporated as her lips sealed around his member. Unable to breath, he watched her devour all six and a half inches, driving the base of the prosthetic to firmly press against his apex. She let out a throaty purr, the vibration stimulating his hardening sex. Clenching his jaw, he bawled the duvet in his fists to anchor himself. A lower note thrummed from her cavernous chest, ricochetting off his sensitive numb, blinding his sight in a cosmetic white, "FUCK." He rolled forward, his torso barely touching the top of Regina's head, it took everything inside him to hold his hips steady. 

Affording him a chance to catch his breath, she counted a few beats before searching for his fists. Shaking the unscathed hand free from its steely grip, she placed it on her head and encouraged him to thread his fingers through her hair. A small gesture of her trust, she wanted him connected to her actions and receive his feedback beyond his verbal praises. Releasing his length, she stopped at the phallus's tip and traced the synthetic fleshy rim with her lips. 

Easing himself upright, he peered down at the seductress worshipping his counterfeit cock. A powerful urge to plant himself deep formed from the simple vision. His hips stuttered forward as his hand guided her head down to meet his thrust. Stopping shy of the last inch, Regina took over and swallowed him whole. "Fuck, Reggie." The profanity slipped from his lips, carrying with it a complexity of emotions he couldn't grasp. 

Hardly an hour ago, he stared at the fleshy object feeling detached by an insurmountable distance. But now, there was an undeniable bond feeding him sensations he never imagined possible. "What are you doing to me?" 

His question went unanswered as they fell into a rhythm they could keep. Her head bobbed expertly in time with his thrusts. Pressure slapped on and off with each passing motion, morphing his breaths into erratic pants for air. 

His groans stirred a fire deep in her core, igniting a primal need she hadn't felt since college. Mercilessly, she hooked both sets of nails into his firmly crafted ass and dragged his hips forward to jam his thrust into her throat. She stole the last of his resistance with a possessively loud growl.

Trapped between the brunette's brutally clenched grip and dangerously depraved hunger, Emil's body surrendered to the searing bliss funneling from his core. Pleasure crawled up his back like fire climbing out of a building, flames spiraled throughout his limbs and licked up his toes and digits. His fingers twitched and clenched as his voice snapped against the strained chords of his throat.

The world morphed into a warm, velvety soft blanket that he lost his desire to escape.

*****

"Ten minutes, Mr. Swan, enough with the theatrics. You're beyond recovered and heading straight for a nap." A slap landed on his thigh, stinging him out of his fuzzy warm haze.

"Ouch!" His eyes focussed on the clock across the room. He growled to himself. 'I will not be  _ that _ guy.'

Springing upright, he met the smoldering dark coals of his temptress. "When did you take the blindfold off?" Bewilderment filled the space abandoned by his distracted nervousness. 

Silently, Regina reached for his wrist and raised his hand. Fiddling with the silky fabric between his fingers, he found his answer. "I assumed you were ready for me to remove it." She shamelessly shrugged.

"Of course you did." Even though he could feel the turtle hardening, he chose to voice his thanks. "That was incredible." Quickly, his attention fell on the burning topic in his head.

Teasing scrutiny narrowed the brunette's gaze, "That-- was only three minutes. Quite the contrary of incredible."

"No, shit?" A mix of surprise and mortification flooded the blonde's features.

"When was the last time someone fucked you?" Regina carefully raised the question.

On instinct, Em shrugged, but the sternly raised eyebrow loosened his tongue. "The night I left Graham," he mumbled.

"Emil, that was four years ago." A touch of sadness seeped into the brunette's frame. "You haven't let anyone touch you for four  _ years."  _ Regina repeated the words in a way that hinted she wanted to make sense of them.

"I know. I just wasn't enjoying it anymore. I got more pleasure out of fucking women, for a time. Then, I quit wanting anyone to be that close. I guess." He answered indecisively.

"I'm glad you liked to fuck women. But, I want to change that to just one." Emma's past was a topic she barely knew about beyond the growing friendship the two shared back then. Tempted to pry further into the secrets Em kept locked away, Regina refrained her attention to the fantasy she so desperately needed to finish. "This woman needs to be fucked.Now." Reaching for a small red vial resting on the nightstand, "And you, Mr. Swan, don't know how to handle the pleasure it will give you from doing so." With a scoff, she tossed the bottled liquid into his lap. 

"What does that even mean?"

"It means I don't have any more patience for a horny teenage boy. Put a drop on your finger and apply it to your-- turtle."

"Ew, don't call it that when we are doing stuff."

"Then what should I call it?"

"Prick?" He grimaced into a shrug. "It has a small opinion of itself."

"Yeah, that's not gonna work for me in the long term--I don't have time to train him right now. Lubricate your junk, but don't get any of that on the toy or in your eyes." He thumbed the lid open with a snap. "Sparingly, Swan, you don't want to regret disobeying this order." She warned, but her tone wavered on a tempting challenge.

'Is she baiting me?' Emil chased away the thought and complied with her instructions. Barely touching the tip of his finger to his sex sparked a pulse of pleasure. Clamping his jaw shut, he lurched forward only to be stopped by a wicked slap across his face. The sensation crushed the rebelling nerves and captured his attention. He didn't dare a glance at the woman staring daggers through his soul.

Finished, he offered the bottle back to the brunette. "Get off your ass and put it on the nightstand." The Queen's regal tone rang threateningly low, immediately sending his feet to the floor. It took him a step and a half to reach the nightstand, an arms-length for Regina to grab his tie and a sharp yank to bring him to her side. "Set the bottle down and hold out your right hand." Keeping a firm hold on the tie, she twisted around and snaked her free hand between pillows and the headboard. Fishing out a leather paddle cuff, she turned back to find his casted wrist hanging within reach as ordered. "Glad there is a head that listens, but which one is still up for debate." 

Dropping the tie, she clamped the shackle around his cast and tightened the strap, leaving no slack for the plastered material to slip. Satisfied, the Queen stood from her place of purchase and guided him back onto the bed. "Lay flat. I'll allow you to keep the other hand free with the caveat that it stays on the bed." Tethered to the headboard, he had to pivot into position, but managed to follow her guidance with little resistance. "No, that's too high up." 

"Reggie--" An annoyed breath rolled from his mouth, but the protest died in his throat. He scooted forward, stopping when his tethered arm tugged against his effort.

"Next time, try adding enthusiasm." Regina sarcastically stated. Rounding the end of the bed, she grabbed his ankles and snapped him taut. The action garnered the blonde's temper with a careless flail of his foot. "If you don't want me man-handling you, do it right the first time." 

"Or, you could just say exactly what you…"

"Mr. Swan, need I remind you that this scene is an nth of what I am capable of?"

"Need I remind you how much I hate the way, 'Mr. Swan' sounds?"

"METOO."

"Me too?"

"It's my safeword; I'm calling a timeout." She sat beside him. "I am trying to learn more about you in the form of your responses, Emil. I know the story version of your romantic endeavors, but not who you are in them. Apart of me wants to give you every ounce of my being and the other wants to protect myself from the possibility of being hurt. Seriously, you are the one person who gets under my skin. I need to be in control of these moments, and I need to know if you are okay with that." A trickle of sorrow bled into her voice. 

"Regina, there isn't a promise I can make, but with who I am now, I am fine with giving you complete control. You don't have to dance around the pretenses, say what you mean and do what you need. I am on board with this." Stretching against the restraint, he gained enough length to trace a finger along her elbow. "Have I once uttered Charley Horse?"

"I don't know why I even let you pick those words." She crisply spoke her thoughts. "Didn't I tell you to lay flat?" Instantly his best friend evaporated, leaving a sexually starved succubus in her place.

"That was fast." He gulped.

Standing, she shoved his head back to the mattress. "I've waited far too long for this moment; It would take a natural disaster, other than yourself, to quell my libido." Collecting a hand-sized bottle from the drawer, popped the top, and poured a generous amount of the oily liquid onto her palm. She proceeded to wrap her fist around the erect prosthetic, giving it a few purposeful pumps.

Surprised, Emil didn't feel much of anything. Just a faint tingle followed by pressure indicated the brunette's movements. "I can't feel my junk." Panic crept into his eyes.

"Good, the topical is doing its job." She swung her legs onto the bed and straddled his lap. Planting a hand at the center of his chest, she raised her hips and lined his synthetic cock up with her slit. Sliding the tip past the swollen entrance, she steadied her balance and slowly slinked her body down. 

A tinge of pain sparked from the welcomed intrusion eliciting a soft hiss from the brunette. "Are you okay?" Instinctively, Emil reached for her, but she waved him away.

"I'm alright. It's just been a minute since I've done this." She explained. "Just stay put." Gradually the pain subsided as her body adjusted to the size. A pleasant warming sensation filtered into her pulsing channel, teasing her with a taste of pleasure she forgot existed. Carefully she rotated her hips and explored her limitations with minimal discomfort, soliciting an unanticipated gasp from her companion. "Wanna share your thoughts?"

"Fuck, Reg, I am not sure what's going on down there, but the sight of you from this angle--it does things to me."

Chuckling, "I was hoping that would be the case." She rolled her hips backwards, driving the phallus deeper into her core. Heat thrummed against the point of contact, sending small waves of static bliss up her spine. "You feel amazing inside me." Purring her delight, she drew herself into her desired position with both hands braced on the flat perch above his chest. 

Consuming his vision, she studied his captivated gaze for any inkling of agitation. Carnal darkness greeted her with intrigue. "I'll walk you through the next steps. Don't thrust; just arch your ass when I come down. Follow my lead and use your safewords if it starts to feel strange or discomforting mentally. If something starts to hurt use your judgement if you can endure it or not. Nothing will disappoint more than you forcing yourself to continue when you shouldn't." She raised a brow, curious if her words were resonating in the blonde. "Do you understand?" She earned a subtle nod in response. "Good boy." A tantalizing smile poured into her features. 

Leaving him with a chaste kiss, Regina gracefully rose and shifted her weight onto his chest. Dragging her nails into a fist, she bunched the fabric of his shirt and solidified her hold. Grinding a deliberately small pattern around his pelvis, she massaged her throbbing core and stretched the clenching muscles. Satisfied she was well attuned to his size, the brunette lifted her hips, allowing all but an inch to escape her pulsing center. Almost immediately, she reversed the action and slammed back on the device to be greeted by Emil's twist.

Blistering pleasure surged through her body, taking her breath with it. "God, Emil, that's perfect." Repeating her movements, Regina rapidly found her tempo and conducted her partner to a wicked beat. Threading his delicious length in and out of her salivating slit, she tapered her oscillation and directed his strikes, focusing on a particularly sensitive stretch of flesh. 

Feeding off the salacious expressions cast his direction, Emil's attention waned from her instructions as his hips took on a life of their own. Punctuated by an intoxicating moan, he drove his cock deeper into her clenching slick. 

"Yes, just like that." Hissing her delight, she lingered on the feeling as she rolled against the fleshy rod. 

Throwing himself into the motions, he canted his thrusts in time with hers, chasing after a feeling he didn't know existed. 

White-hot ecstasy exploded behind her eyes, toppling over her body moved on its own. Rocking into his steady friction, she captured his lips with a heady kiss, allowing him to taste her pleasure as she came unraveled by a second climax. Electricity surged through her being in a violent storm, wreaking havoc on her senses. Clinging to him, she waited out the last of the intense waves, feeling his body melt into hers as both drew breathlessly silent.

*****

What felt like hours later, Emil enjoyed having a still glistening with sweat Regina snoring on his chest. Using his good hand top push an errant curl out of her face, he watched her mouth twitch into a tender smile.

"Five more minutes, please," she huffed.

He chuckled lightly. "No problem, my Queen, but it would be nice if you could free my legs. My ankles are going numb."

She shuffled off him in a decidedly unregal manner and released his one arm and both his legs before curling back into his side. Burying her nose into the space next to his ear, staccato puffs of air tickled his short hairs.

"Other than the obscenities and other drivel falling from my mouth as I road you cowgirl, when was the last time someone told you they loved you?"

Feeling secure in the warmth of her bed and the cover of darkness since the candles had guttered, he considered his answer. "I guess it's been a minute. You know about Graham, and well, I haven't been particularly welcome at home much in the last few years with all of my 'sinful proclivities' and such. At some point I am going to have to go retrieve the last of my stuff from storage in their garage. I know that should be where someone tells me they love me, but you swearing your undying love for my new appendage will have to suffice instead."

Regina laughed next to him and swatted his chest at the joke. "

They won't be saying those words. I will be lucky if I can avoid running into any or even all of them." His words hung heavy.

"Em, you will be loved. If not by them, by others." She turned his chin so she could see his eyes flashing in the darkness. "You are worthy whether you believe it or not."

"Even if your friend Ruby and my family all think I am a freak?"

Regina sat up and looked down at the man she held with such fondness. "Yes, you are worthy. However, I do believe I now understand your idiotic tendencies. They must be genetic."


	11. Spiraling Swan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First, off TRIGGER WARNING...for anyone who has had issues dealing with their parents and seeing your true self....this one may hurt. 
> 
> Emil goes home to rescue his car and all the fallout that entails.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please understand that as this story is drawn from Xevn's own experiences some of it is more autobiographical than others. This chapter is more real than not. For anyone who has had to go through the same sort of craptastic homecoming experiences I wish to offer you a virtual hug and to tell you that you shouldn't let them get in your head. You are beautiful/handsome. You are lovable. There is some one out there that can see what you think no one can. Please don't give up hope if your family are like Emil's. Sometimes family are the people you are born to...other times they are the ones you choose. I hope all of you have one that loves you as you are...I promise you are worth knowing and loving because you exist. I don't know which one of you needed to hear this today, but it has been weighing on my mind since I crawled out of bed this morning. So...God told me to pass it on...so know this somehow some way you are loved. 
> 
> I will step off my soap box now.
> 
> Capn.

Swallowing down the lump lodged in his throat, "Can you drop me off at the rents? After work?" What started out as confident ended on a quivering note. It was one thing to ask Regina for a favor; asking her to suffer through an excursion into the DMZ was an entirely different matter altogether.

The brunette's fingers twisted around the steering wheel, eliciting a pained whine from the leather casing. A simmering breath funneled between her pursed lips, leaving an eerily static silence in its wake.

"You're always asking me for my thoughts, can you please share yours?" He kept his voice quiet but turned to face the woman's profile. His eyes translated his plea into a beg.

"I am contemplating throwing you in an insane asylum." Regina deigned in a flustered breath.

"Seriously." He chuckled nervously. 

"I am not joking." The brunette shot a sideways glance at Emil. "Do you want to commit emotional suicide? To make matters worse, you are asking me to be your accomplice."

He sat up in his seat, looking offended. "I just need to grab Shelby. She told me in a dream that she felt abandoned." 

The stiff set of her jaw screamed the words that came out in a staccato that reminded him of a Tommy gun. "Even better! You have a frickin plan to kill yourself in that death machine."

He sank lower in the chair, looking small and not unlike the broken child he felt inside.

"Shelby isn't a death machine; she's my girl," he whined.

"You mean a rusty mustang past her prime and headed straight to the glue factory."

He cut his eyes over toward her, "Hey, don't talk like that around her. You might hurt her feelings."

Regina sighed dramatically. "She's a car. She doesn't have feelings. She should have been sold to the scrap yard years ago."

"Maybe like 4 years ago before the engine overhaul, but now she's just caged up. I need to break her out of the rents garage."

"No. I know what this is about--you want to look cool in front of your new guy friend. So let's focus on that for a moment."

"No, I do not want to show off, I just want to have my car. It would be easier if I had my own transportation, so I don't…"

"So you don't, what?" Parking, she shifted gears and killed the engine. Scrutiny-laced chocolate narrowed in the blonde's direction. She allowed him three stammering pauses, "You don't want to burden me, impose, or interrupt my plans." Her astute assessment earned a bashful nod. "I am not sure I am thrilled with you driving around town in a death machine with a broken hand, but I would rather not argue against a better option other than Lyft or Uber."

Thinking back to the creepy redhead, he nodded vehemently. "So, you're okay with dropping me off?"

"I am not okay with the idea of you going anywhere near the two self-absorbed, homophobic, transphobic, disingenuous, idiotic, asshats that call themselves your parents. But, it would be nice to have some flexibility. I'll stay and make sure you leave before you're drawn into a shouting match with one of them." She sucked her teeth and side-eyed him. "Of course, you could save both of us the trouble and put a down payment on a real car. One that we know for certain won't need a wrecker or an exorcist before the day is over."

He shook his head with a shy smile.

"No, Reggie. I need to do it on my own." He silenced her rebuttal with a severe gaze. "I can't have you fighting this battle. I need you to support me, be there for me if or when I need the pieces glued back together. I want to be heard and seen, and I don't mean just my words. They are my parents, my responsibility, and they need to hear what I have to say if I am to grow with or apart from them."

"I can't argue with that. You certainly are growing into a strong man." She said squeezing his bicep. "Just be cautious, and don't get discouraged if your voice isn't ready to speak." She lovingly rubbed the growing muscles under the shirt.

"Yeah, I completely feel that, but of course, I don't trust my temporary confidence to carry through this attempt. I really want it to, I want things to change, but I am fucking terrified." He sighed and thrust his head back into the headrest of her car. He turned his head and clenched his jaw. "I'm already regretting thinking about it. That wall of guilt isn't easy to chisel away at."

Her warm smile dimmed the fear growing in his belly. "We'll find some dynamite eventually; just focus on getting the car, and if the words strike you, say them." She grabbed him by his tie and reeled him into a blistering kiss, burning away the gloomy thoughts circling in his mind. 

"That kiss was dy-na-mite."

"Oh, God, really?" She rolled her eyes at him. "Never again, Emil."

"Fine, it was explosive."

"I am positive that I can amend the company's policies on gagging employees."

"I'll stop talking now."

*****

Cracking the car door open, his sinuses were assaulted by the smell of freshly cut grass and rich exhaust. Cold air enveloped him while the dying sun's rays provided traces of warmth. The sound of a basketball smacking against a distant driveway competed with the wailing of a table saw two houses down. The sickly sweet feeling of nostalgia infected his mind like a dangerously addictive drug.

He waved at Regina and tried to quell her fears by smiling brightly. Walking up the concrete driveway, he recalled all the nights he tiredly carried his body along this path. 

Hardly opening the door, he heard the chatter of his parents. "Speaking of the devil, Emmie's walking through the door now." The rough bass of his father's tone vibrated down his spine, raising the tiny hairs along his nape in a warning.

Reflexively, his fingers curled into his palms, nails scraped into position as tiny chunks of skin peeled against the abrasive surface of his cast. Sickness squeezed at his gut, and sweat beaded up his back. 

"Sorry to intrude." Cracking from the strained vocal cords, his voice fluctuated uncomfortably to his dismay.

His father, James, the man he spent his life trying to impress, stood in the walkway between the kitchen and the utility room. He was in his casual clothes, an unbuttoned long sleeve flannel with a v-neck white undershirt and holy denim jeans that were not long for this world. Looking like he had just spent the entire day in his workshop, he dried his hands with a muted red shop cloth.

"It's my wayward girl!" Brilliant white teeth sliced through the weathered unshaven features of his father's face. Life exploded behind the dulling gray eyes. The aging man nearly skipped down the short walkway to meet him. "I've missed you, Princess Emmie." Paralyzed, Emil couldn't avoid the incoming hug.

A storm brewed under his skin, memories of his last visit home, and the explosive chain reaction to explaining his true gender. His father's rage has turned into obliviousness. His mother awkwardly disassociated herself with her child rather than deal with the fallout.

'That's not my name.' The words lodged on his tongue, refusing to escape, only a frustrated breath passed between his twisted chapped lips. 'Just grab the car and go. Don't go in and sit down.' He could hear Regina's orders ringing in his ears. 

"Come in! Your mom's in the living room. She would love to see you." Before he could protest, his father pulled him further into the house. 

'Okay, just don't sit. Say hello and go.' He revised their plan on the fly but wondered how long until he regretted the extra moment.

Sitting on the couch with her computer across her lap, his mother, Mary Margaret, appeared to have climbed out of bed moments ago. Her blackish-gray hair lay flat on one side while the rest rioted in an unruly and mass of tangles. Dressed in the same oversized purple and black T-shirt she wore throughout his teens, relief flooded his veins once it grew evident she had remembered to put on shorts before leaving her bedroom--that was new.

"Oh, there's my pretty g-boy!" His mother's sweet tone filtered deep into his heart. Longing and sadness washed over him like a bad dream. 

'At least one of them is trying to accept the change.'

Clambering up from the love seat, his mother met him with open arms and a happy smile beaming from ear to ear. He melted into the hug, tears barely squeezed out from behind his eyes, and his throat tightened with a rogue sob. "Hey, mom." He buried his nose into her shirt and breathed in the familiar scent of warm vanilla, her favorite lotion. Again nostalgia tickled his mind. 

"How are you, honey?" She pulled away from him, baby blue eyes inspecting him with slightly manic wonder.

"Good. Just been busy." 

"You never write or call. How am I supposed to know you are okay?"

Some mother's rule through threats; some use possessions to control their children; Mary Margaret guilted hers into behaving the way she wanted. "Enough with the guilt, ma." He clenched his sore hand.

Spotting the cast, she immediately latched onto it. "What happened?"

"Nothing, Ma." He pulled away from her, "Can't stay to talk, mom. Regina's waiting on me."

"Great, you're gay again." His teen-aged brother mundanely announced as he entered the living room. "And, still playing dress-up, I see."

"Fuck off, Neal." He spoke bitterly. 

"Both of you knock it off." His father sternly warned. "Neal, don't make me change the wifi password. I will if you can't control yourself." Emil waited for his turn to be threatened. Instead, his father faced him and said: "Puberty was way easier with you." 

"Funny, I remember it being a nightmare." Neal sarcastically laughed. "She cried constantly."

Anger sparked, "You were barely old enough to walk, let alone remember it." Emil tried to remain calm.

"Mood swings, tears, screaming, crying, and lots of shouting matches between you and mom. Oh, I remember it vividly." Neal crossed his arms. "So, are you fucking Regina, or is she still available?" 

Em chewed his lip, speechless.

"When she's ready to stop playing pretend--when she is ready for a real man with a real dick, send her my way."

Rage flared wildly, rolling through his bloodstream, "Eat shit and fucking die." His fist flew faster than his words. Landing squarely on the pockmarked skin of Neal's jaw, he felt the cast crack along his knuckles, and pain exploded in his hand. Neal's body tumbled backward into the wall, the drywall panel caving around the point of impact.

"Emma!" Both his parents shouted. 

"That's not my fucking name." Growling, Emil kept his eyes locked on Neal as he scrambled to his feet. "I am only here to get my car."

"Emma, apologize to your brother." His mother grabbed him by the arm, her voice an ear-piercing shrill.

"For what? He doesn't get to disrespect my girlfriend or me that way." The blonde yanked his casted arm away from her and placed a healthy distance between them "He deserved it. He's needed a good beating for most of his teen years. Lucky for him, he won't know what a belt feels like across his ass." Turning his attention back on his brother, "I was nothing but a fucking trial-run kid, so you're fucking welcome, all their screwed up parenting was tested on me."

"Oh yeah, it shows. No wonder you're trying to change your gender. You are so desperate for their attention you will do anything. You will even try to grow a dick. You're just jealous. You wish you were me. Maybe if you were actually a boy, they would love you instead of pretending to. Take your stupid car and get out of our lives!"

"Gladly!"

"Enough, God damn it!" His mother shouted, tears running down her burning face. "It's not fair! Don't any of you care about what you are doing to me? I could kill myself." She rushed off to the bedroom, slamming the door behind her.

When he was younger, he would have chased after her. Emma would have pounded on the door and screaming demands for her mother to open it. She spent hours bruising her hands and crying her lungs out, terrified that her mother would kill herself. It was the same episode on re-run every couple of months. When Emma was six, she found her mother unconscious with an open bottle of pills beside her. Never again had the woman come close to achieving what she threatened. She wouldn't go through with it. Instead, she would spend the entire time doing whatever the fuck she did behind the door and emerge hours later for her guilt trip tour to begin.

"Leave Emma. You know your mother can't handle this kind of stress." His father picked the keys off the rack on the wall and tossed them at the blonde. "Neal, go to your room. I'll deal with you later." Emil knew whatever his father meant it wouldn't be the ass-beating Emma took. DFACS had cured him of that.

Frustrated and hurting, the blonde barely managed to keep the car under 60 as he drove back to Regina's apartment. His mind played over the event, twisting the details into a horrific nightmare. Circling back to the second he punched Neal. 'Ruby gets a pass, but Neal doesn't? Why couldn't I stop myself?' He meant the words but didn't anticipate his fist smashing in his brother's face. Ruby pushed all his buttons, and yet he had restraint. At the moment, with Neal, he didn't even know he was moving. It was like his foot was flooring the gas pedal, and everything blurred. 

He pulled into the guest parking and slumped over the wheel. His mind flashing the tear-stained images of his mother only added to his spiraling emotions. He lingered on the sweet moments of their relationship, fondly remembering laying in her lap as she tickled his back. Their many nights awake watching late-nite murder mysteries into the early mornings before his father would wake up. 

Emil hated seeing his mother cry. He hated himself more for making her. Normally he would be bawling his eyes out, but not a single tear formed. He found a new level of hate. Loathing. An enmity churning at a slow boil like magma under a volcano. He couldn't cry over the emotional pain he knew was there. A vile numbness replaced it. Lost in the confusing maelstrom of emotions, he didn't know how to process. His entire being resonated with anger, rage, and the knowledge that his mother, the master manipulator, had not lost her touch.

Muscles and tendons itched to move under his skin. His brain fired off violent blasts of destructive imagery. A broken plate glass window from their house, the shredded bushes in the yard, casualties from a lifetime ago bled into his desire to begin with smashing out the driver's side window, to beating his hands bloody against the steering wheel, all suggestions sounded good.

Closing his eyes, he let out a steadying breath and sought to center his thoughts. No matter how much he fought to box up the discord swirling inside him, he couldn't. 

Wound tightly, his body exaggerated every command. Roughly yanking at the metal door handle, his fingers, slippery from sweat, failed in their task. Because he had already pushed against the door, the klutzy move smashed his nose into the window. The jerking motion created tears and sent him back into his seat. In a flurry of frustration, he punched and kicked at the door, before forcing it open. 

Throwing the door closed with both hands, he took a few steps and kicked the tire, peeling his toenail that snagged in his sock as his shoe slid back on his foot. He cursed loudly and kicked again, not understanding why he chose to intentionally hurt himself again. 

Emil limped his way through the lobby, avoiding making eye contact with any of the staff and disappeared into a waiting elevator. The pain throbbing in his foot dulled as the elevator climbed to the 16th floor, but his rage remained fresh and undying. 

** _'If you want to ruin the body that I spent nine months making, then go ahead. Everything I ever did was to make you happy. Apparently, I failed.'_ **

He stared down the blurred image of himself in the semi-reflective metal doors. 

** _'No one is going to love a freak. No guy wants to fuck a chick that looks like a dude and seriously, no chick is gonna want to fuck a dickless guy.'_ **

The doors slid open with a ding, his reflection splitting in two before being replaced by the beige interior of the apartment complex hallway. 

** _'I already have a son. You're my princess. Don't mess up your life chasing after a crazy phase. It's temporary.'_ **

Em stomped down the hallway and stopped at Regina's door. He let out a pained sob, an echo of emotion carrying through the action. His head thumped against the wooden frame as he choked on his breath and screwed his eyes closed. 

** _'Regina's the one that put this stupid idea in your head. If she hadn't mentioned it, you wouldn't care. You are only changing yourself because she wants you to do it. She's sick and needs some serious help. No one should make you do this just to keep a friendship. If you're a lesbian-- that's something that we can deal with.'_ **

He was starting to doubt himself, wondering if maybe his mother was right. Had Regina not said something, he wouldn't be in this fucked up mess. He felt like he traded one bad situation for another, far worse situation. 

'Am I hurting all because of her?' His stomach dropped at the thought. Thinking about her sent a nauseating wave through his body, leaving a confusing feeling of embarrassment in its wake. It was the same feeling he got when a new friend got too close. He would throw up his walls and distance himself, sometimes having to be cruel to push the person out of his life. 

Opening the door, Regina stepped into the hallway and cautiously placed a hand on his sagging shoulder, "Are you okay?" Her voice barely broke over a whisper.

"Fuck, no, I'm not okay." Emil's response came heatedly and without thought. 

"Hey." The brunette shook him by the shoulder, "Snap out of it." 

He pulled himself from the frame and ducked into the apartment, brushing by the brunette in the process. He didn't stop walking. 

Concerned, Regina followed the blonde to the guest bedroom. She paused at the doorway, shocked to see him tearing the bed apart in a desperate search for something. "Emil, what are you looking for?"

"Marty." Anguish crawled from his mouth, turning his face red.

"He's in my room, remember?" 

"Right." He immediately abandoned his search and headed that direction, but before he could squeeze by this time the brunette stopped him. "Get out of my way."

"Just stop." Her words caught his attention, glossy red-stained emeralds stared absently through her. "Whatever fucked up shit they said, isn't worth this pain."

"I just want Marty." His voice quivered. "Please. I just want him." Drawing in a ragged breath, he curled into her arms and buried his face in the crook of her neck. 

Enveloping him in her arms, she shushed him until choking sobs bubbled to the surface. He let go of the pain he held in letting himself fall apart in the safety of her. She smelled like home.

What may have been hours later, he came back to himself curled in the center of her bed, snuggling Marty. Although Regina's scent lingered in the air, he could not see or hear her. But, he felt her presence just the same.


	12. Unsteady Swan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Swan has an evening out with Aleks and things get goofy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope all of you are healthy and safe. Please know that Xevn and I are hoping that you continue to keep yourself sane. If you need to chat feel free to drop a line. I will be glad to talk if you need a distractor. I know sheltering in place has worn people down. Take care of yourself and know you have friends...

Emerging from Regina's bedroom, with his pillow-pet moose clutched to his chest, Emil navigated the darkened hallway towards the warmly-lit kitchen. He was drawn in by the pleasant aroma of cheese and butter caramelizing in a sizzling hot iron skillet. Though sore and puffy, his eyes briefly locked onto the beautiful brunette stationed in front of the stove, wrapped in her plush dark blue robe with her hair done up in a loose bun. With a Blake Crouch novel in the left hand and a metal spatula in the right, Regina idly flipped the crispy stack of bread and cheese over before turning to the next page.

Trapped within his mind, he couldn't find the words to express what he needed but knew the distance between them was suffocating him. He quietly shuffled his bare feet across the cold tile and rounded the island to position himself behind her. Peering over her shoulder, he caught the mouth-watering sight of Regina's signature grilled cheese. A delightfully gooey mess of parmesan, swiss, provolone, mozzarella, and cheddar cheese melted between thick sourdough slices entirely coated in whipped garlic butter. His stomach growled, eliciting a gentle sigh that escaped his lips.

"How are you feeling?" Without skipping a beat, Regina turned the sandwich over again and scraped the oozing cheese on top of the bread.

Emil snaked his arm around the brunette's waist and rested his chin on her shoulder. "Hungry." He breathed the simplest thought he could find. 

Surprisingly, Regina accepted the answer with a nod, but the firmly pressed line between her lips said more questions plagued her mind--she would be asking sooner rather than later. 

Instead, she continued her task and gave him a quick peck on his cheek, "Your midnight snack is almost done. Go sit down." 

"A midnight snack?" He cringed.

"Well, more like eleven pm and a handful of minutes, but it's close enough to qualify for midnight." She shrugged. "I thought it best to let you sleep, but then I got hungry and knew if I started cooking myself something to eat, you would smell it and be hungry too." He was touched by the amount of thought she carried for him. She could have easily made herself a small meal and headed back to bed. There was no way he would have woken up over a bowl of salad or a cold cup of yogurt and fruit. Yet here she stood, spending her precious time making sure he had something to eat.

Grief formed a fist-sized lump in Emil's throat. He felt so undeserving of her time. Nothing about today went the way he planned. Yes, he got his car, but at what cost?. Neither of them should be up this late on a work night. All he could think about was how tired she was going to be tomorrow. 

"Thanks." He squeezed the word from his guilt clenched chest and painfully retreated to the table where, hopefully, he could compose himself before she saw the twisted mess he was.

Pain welled in his heart, while hunger burned in his stomach. He hated the conflicting feelings. Emil felt foolish to be hungry when he should be feeling guilty for causing all this trouble for Regina. He wanted to beat on himself for being so selfish, but couldn't crush the famished cries in his gut. With a huff, he buried his face into Marty's softly plush fur, stifling a string of groans.

"Emil, no moose on the table. Marty can sit in the chair next to you." Regina's teasing tone interrupted his animated brooding, causing him to gag himself with a mouth full of faux fur momentarily. "Emil, I will take him away." Her warning remained light-hearted, but he didn't want to test her patience this late into the night. 

With Marty safely in his assigned seat, Regina placed a steaming mug along with the sandwich in front of him. Emil's focus waned with his exhaustion. He stared absently at the wafting steam, his fingers pulling apart the greasy bread into smaller, dip-able pieces. He knew exactly what was in the coffee cup, the perfect companion, tomato soup. He dipped a piece and stirred it around until all but the bits under his fingers were coated. Transfixed on the red liquid swirling, he felt so numb and empty. 

However, after one bite, a symphony of flavor coated his tongue, the crispy crunch and melty center exploded in his mouth with tantalizing textures. The warm gooey mess easily slid down his throat, leaving a savory aftertaste of childhood comfort. Another bite provoked a sniffle, causing him to sit up as sadness clawed its way up to his esophagus and choked him. Even though he struggled to swallow, he fought past the pain and continued to eat, finding solace at the end of each bite. 

'Is this what it's like to eat your feelings?' He wondered.

Warm caramel peered up from her book, connecting with Emil's the second he looked her way. His red-rimmed eyes caused her to worry that his impatience got the best of him. 

"Is it too hot?" She asked.

He shook his head and parted his trembling lips, "It's perfect." Emil's voice broke into a sob. 

"Good." Witnessing her companion's cathartic unraveling, brought a gentle smile to her lips. She continued to read, allowing him a sense of privacy, but remained acutely aware of Emil's temperament. He needed to work through his emotions to an extent. Actual choking would require her immediate intervention. 

Emil gulped down the last of the soup, feeling the warm liquid seep into his contently full stomach. 

"The adage 'the way to a man's heart is through his stomach' isn't just a reference on romantic advice, but the context in which most men associate feelings. A full stomach means less room for hurt." 

"I don't deserve you."

"Oh, but you do, Emil." She spoke matter of factly. "I am not easy to be with. I am demanding and selfish just as much as I am caring and thoughtful. I didn't stop dating because I was bored. I have more failed relationships than I care to admit." She stood up and collected the dishes. "You put up with my flaws. The very least I can do is comfort you with some old-fashioned TLC." She tossed the comment over her shoulder as she dropped off the dishes at the sink. 

"I just don't understand how you know these things or do what you do. It's like everything about you is perfect, and I'm just--me. And I am a huge mess."

"You're forgetting an important part of that statement. You're my mess." His face warmed with her words. "I may be your perfect woman, but you are my perfect mess. And, one day you'll be my perfect Emil with less mess." She walked back to the table and plucked Marty up by an antler. "Tomorrow is already today, and the shit that happened was yesterday. I don't expect you to forget about the garbage you went through completely, but I hope you'll never give up trying." She offered him a hand. 

"I promise I won't." He stood with her help and hugged her.

"Glad to hear it. Now let's get back to bed, we have a very long day ahead of us." She raised his cracked cast up to chin height. "And, don't think I didn't see this earlier. We will address it later. This brand new cast will have to be replaced."

He gulped, nodded profusely, and followed her to bed like an obedient puppy.

*****

Entering work an hour late with yet another cast on his hand, Emil could not help the broad smile on his face when he parked Shelby in his designated space--a fete he had not accomplished ever.

"Dude, Swan, that'd be a sweet ride if you gave her a paint job." Steve, one of Regina's team members, slapped him on the back and looked appreciatively at his rusted baby.

"Yeah. She deserves a little more TLC, but she's worth it. I already replaced the tranny and the engine is rebuilt. Maybe I can get it over to the paint and body shop soon and let them finish the job." He nodded and rubbed his chin, hoping the man continued to focus on the car rather than his now bright green fist. 

"Come on inside. You know how it is when we are late." The goofy yet sincere man pulled a velvet box out of his pocket. "I had a special errand this morning." He looked at Emil as he flashed his badge at the security checkpoint. "What about you?"

"Cast malfunction. I just had it put on two days ago, but it cracked by last night."

He pushed the button for the elevator and waited for it to open. "It's unfortunate. We can't even get good medical care these days."

"Right." Emil refused to elaborate. If the man wanted to assume incompetence were the issue, who was he to correct him?

The door dinged open on the blonde's floor. "Have a great day, Steve." He waved faking a friendliness that did not exist. He peered nervously around the corner to make sure the rest of the team worked so that he could slip into his cubicle without disruptive interference. Hell, when was the last time he had a good day at work?

He sat down at his terminal, logged in, and opened his email. He paled as 98 flagged items appeared.

"Oh, God. What now?"

Eight hours and two beers later, Emil sat in a booth reading and responding to his texts from Regina. Occasionally he would receive an update from Aleksander, who was stuck in downtown gridlock.

** Reggie: Don't drink too much. You still have to drive.  **

** I'm two pints in. Aleks is stuck somewhere in traffic. I am starting to regret choosing this location. **

** Reggie: Emil, stop drinking your feelings. He'll be there when he can. Jefferson said he was super excited to meet with you. **

** Yeah, but I am feeling stupid for picking this place.  **

** Reggie: You'll feel worse if you're drunk when he gets there. **

** Reggie: Ruby is here. Pray for me. **

His stomach dropped.

** Uh, I am actually going to pray for her. Please don't murder her. I can't come up with an alibi on the fly. **

** Reggie: Thanks for having so little faith in me, babe. Love ya. **

** Love ya too. **

As he tucked his phone away, a completely shaved bald tall middle-aged man with a slight beer gut and biceps the size of Dwayne The Rock Johnson's, dropped into the booth across from him. The man eyed the second half drained pint, "That bad of a day?" Surprised by the flamboyant flare in the man's tone, Emil did a double-take. "Not what you were expecting?" 

"No, just…" He was at a loss for words. Emil didn't want to offend the man, but he hadn't a clue what to expect. Sure he had thought about the guy adding some of himself into the mix, but this wasn't anywhere close to what he had envisioned.

"It's cool. I'm very much gay and have been my entire life. All that's changed is the outward appearance."

"Don't you mean straight, and now you're gay."

"Oh, honey, you are so young. It's adorable. I guess we can start with the basics and work our way through to the really tough stuff. I'm definitely gonna need some vodka." He flagged down a passing server. "Sweetie, can you bring me vodka and Redbull and whatever this cutie is drinking?" 

The server tossed a glance at the blonde, "Michelob." Emil sheepishly answered.

"So cute." Aleksander paid a small smile to his new friend. "Can you also throw on some nachos; the pictures online were to die for." 

"Absolutely. I'll have the drinks out in a few, and I'll get the nachos started. Anything else?"

"No, that's perfect. Thank you, love." He politely dismissed the woman and turned his attention back on Emil's beet red features. "That shyness is cute, but if you are uncomfortable, I can dial it back."

"No, it's not that at all. I am just ashamed that I don't have your level of confidence."

"Everyone has their humble beginnings. It took me years to get comfortable in my skin. You'll get here eventually." Aleks's eye grew piercing as he seemed to read the man across from him from soul to skin. "I'm willing to bet when you get further in the process; it will help immensely."

Trading stories on the horrors of coming out to their families, Emil finally started to loosen up after the third beer worked its magic on his nerves. "So, you said you've been gay your entire life."

"Yep. I love men. Always have. Though recently, I've seen this beautiful trans-woman, and she's opening my eyes to more than just men. I am gay at my core, but with her I would gladly call myself gay with bi-sexual tendencies. She's happy keeping her extra parts and utilizing them, which is why it works. If she were a cisgender woman, I wouldn't be interested. I hardly know what to do with…" He leaned forward, "a vagina." The flamboyant hiss hardly counted as a whisper.

"But…"

"Nope, I don't even masturbate. It's terrifying that one exists down there. I have dated a trans-man and found that as long as there is a dick, real or fake, I am fine."

"Did you ever have a relationship with a woman?"

"In high school, yes, but it was all over the clothes fun. Sex didn't really happen until my girlfriends dragged me to a gay bar during spring break my junior year of college. I was passable for a fem-boy at the time, and the guy I hooked up with was too drunk to care." He shrugged and tossed back the last of his drink. "People think sex is black and white. It ain't. It's a sliding spectrum, with most people hanging out on the polar ends. No one wants to admit they wake feeling a little more gay than the day before, or more hetero. Just because my gender is finally lining up doesn't mean what I was before was straight." 

"I think I understand. I always felt weird being called a lesbian. The label always tasted bad in my mouth."

"Exactly." He stood up. "I've got to hit the can."

"The bathroom? Are you serious?"

"Yep. It's just a bathroom. Wanna come?"

Trepidation weaved through his spine, "Uh, sure."

"Aw, baby boy, have you actually used a public restroom before? And-- before you even bother saying it; the ladies room doesn't count." The blonde gave a nervous shake of his head. "Get up. We're popping that cherry tonight."

Emil slipped out of the booth onto trembling legs looking at the gargantuan bear of a man towering next to him. Aleksander had a good 6 inches above him, making the blonde feel like a gnome in the man's presence. "Dude, did you have a growth spurt on T or what?"

"All the women in my family are giants. I got the premature balding from my dad. Thank God I am a man because male-patterned baldness on a woman creates all sorts of issues. One of my poor sisters..." He casually stroked his reflective dome. "Thankfully, I ended up with the perfect amount of intimidating features to be left alone. No worries, papa bear will scare off any assholes looking for trouble. I may look butch, but darling, my acting chops have brought a lot of cute cubs my way." 

Both walked into the restroom, Emil following Aleksander like a little boy visiting the men's room for the first time. Gratefully, he let out a sigh of relief when he found the small room to be empty. He picked the stall towards the back, noticing his friend lining up at the urinal. Curiosity sparked, but now was not the time for questions. He ducked inside the stall and closed the door just in time for another guy to enter the bathroom. 

'Fuck.' He grimaced. Frozen behind the shiny chrome door, he listened intently for the inevitable argument to unfurl. Silence. Only the rapid pounding of his heart filled the insufferable void. This was not how he imagined tonight going. 

Feeling the cold sweat rolling down the back of his neck, it felt like minutes were ticking by. However, after the long pause of inactivity, the sound of two streams striking porcelain bowls sliced through the silence. A moment later, he heard a flush followed by the sink faucet running. A handful of paper towels ripped from the dispenser and then the thudding of the restroom door slamming into place. 

"It's clear. Would you like me to run the tap?" He could almost hear the smile beaming in Aleksander's voice.

"I'm good, thanks." Emil sighed. Pissing almost a day's worth of urine, he emerged from the stall to the concerned expression of his friend.

"That's definitely not healthy. How long have you been holding it?"

"There was someone in the gender-neutral bathroom, so I guess since this morning?"

"Yeah, your kidneys are gonna be fucked. I'll help you work on that. Some awesome devices can help you pass in the bathroom, but they require skill to use."

"My kidneys will thank you for it." He smirked. 

*****

Regina jerked from her sleep to sound of something heavy knocking into things. Throwing off the covers she slipped on her slippers and bolted towards the noise. She flicked on the hallway lights, revealing a very disheveled and drunk Swan giggling in a heap on the floor.

"Dear God, please tell me you didn't drive home like this?!"

"NOPE. Aleksander towed Shelby behind his UNICORN! THE GUY drives a WHITE 2017 F250 SUPER DUTY CREW CAB. The interior looks like a unicorn actually threw up in it! Jefferson's office is gonna be so jealous when it finds out there is a gayer unicorn frolicking around on wheels." The words spluttered out between his lips with a spray of spit and infectious laughter. 

Regina had never seen the blonde so carelessly free before. Not even a hint of guilt echoed in his elated retelling. It was a sight she could lovingly get used to. "THAT'S not even the best part. I PEED IN THE MEN'S BATHROOM! Twice." He bashfully hid his face behind his curled fingers, only the tips of a naughtily pleased smile peeked out.

Regina knew scolding him while he was drunk would be useless. If anything, she was more relieved than irritated by this rudely interruptive intrusion. Though part of her was still mad, he didn't text her back after she attempted to check in with him around 10. She deferred to her heart for guidance and got swept up in his blissful laughter.

"Very impressive. I'm proud of you." A small smile tugged at her lips, but like a switch the wickedly cruel Queen demanded a tally on his offenses. "How many drinks did you have?" Instantly, her features hardened into an intensely demanding facade. Calculating coal orbs narrowed in on the errant pet, ready to render a guilty verdict and usher into the penalty phase of the trial.

Emil's hardly near sober consciousness latched onto the brunette's demeanor and forced the intoxicated fun train to pause. The blonde searched through his spotty memory in hopes of finding the correct answer. "I lost count, but Aleks-- Who says 'Tell that ByAtch HR Lady; Hey Gurl. Love ya, babe. Don't fire me; I'll sue for wrongful termination and/or expose this diabetes-inducing relationship ya got hurr. KISS KISS GurlFrieeend.' I am not sure if he was being sarcastic or cute, but there were a lot of these sassy hand gestures… I am still learning how to speak/translate flamboyantly gay." With a sharp intake of air, he composed himself. "Aleks started feeding me water somewhere after midnight." He spoke stoically up until the sudden awareness took hold of him. "GOD, I HAVE TO PEE." Panic registered in his eyes, giving him a burst of clarity. 

Sticking his tongue out as if it helped him focus, he rolled up onto his feet with a slightly surprised expression. The blonde took a moment to calculate his steps, "I am not moving fast enough." The seriousness of his revelation seemed to be trying to explain to his mind what his body wanted. Too much alcohol, an over induced amount of testosterone, and an uncooperative body-- utter disaster ruled in the control room. 

Pleading eyes looked Regina's way, but the second he saw her pleasantly amused smile, he was drawn into another giggle fit. "Why am I laughing?! It's making this whole situation worse." Losing his balance, he flung headfirst into the opposing wall, his entire being smacking flat against its surface. At this point, it was safe to assume the amnesiac hamster managing the controls had a concussion.

Although the whole sight was amusing, as the seconds ticked by and Emil failed to right himself, Regina's fear for her carpet grew exponentially. "Okay, let's not test the elasticity of your bladder any further." Swooping under his left shoulder, Regina wrapped an arm around his waist. Satisfied she had a sturdy hold on him, the brunette helped him back to his feet. 

Regina managed to keep him steady long enough to get the blonde to the bathroom. Alarm bells only started sounding when she realized his pants were on backward. "How did you-- it's not important." Her lips sputtered closed. The Queen, in her lack of sleep, refused to waste another precious second on this ridiculous scenario. Nails firmly took hold on the blondes scalp, and she deftly guided him into the wall. 

"Hold still." Her voice rolled out in a velvety rasp. She was a little surprised that even in her tired state that the very act would stir any trace of arousal, but it did. Now she was annoyed. Emil was too drunk, and it was way too late to start something.

"God, you are so fucking hot when you do that shit." He groaned into the wall.

"It's too late, damnit." She growled her thoughts. In her haste to remove his pants, she let her grip slip and watched paralyzed as the blonde slanted.

Tumbling over, the blonde landed upside down in the tub with his legs bent over him. "Sorry." Uttering her apology, she captured a flailing leg and peeled off the tangled pants. "Alright, let's get you out of there."

"Nah, I'm gonna pee standing up. This is the best spot for it." 

"Excuse me? You are not peeing in the tub."

"I do it all the time. You can watch it if you want."

"Absolutely not!" She yanked him out of the shower and shoved him onto the toilet. "Oh god, your boxers are still on. Get up." Exasperated, she rolled her eyes and set back to work. Out of courtesy, she faced him away from her and pulled down the cotton material. 

"This is perfect." Before she could stop him, Emil was already straddling the toilet backward.

She facepalmed, "Close enough. I really hope you remember this when you wake up."


	13. Suffering Swan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Swan is in trouble with Regina. He knows it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Life has not been cooperating at all. Writing is coming slowly--glaciers form at such speeds. The story is not on hiatus. It is still being written but I am not going to say for sure when we will post next. But, with all the negativity in the world right now I thought this might help someone have a decent day.

Emil shot from the bed straight toward the bathroom. His stomach heaved violently. He let out a loud groan along with the full liquid content of his misguided evening. His stomach lurched again. A flood of acidic regret spewed from his mouth and nose. "God, this is so gross."

Glaring lights went on overhead. "You should have thought about that when you continued to order drinks."

He shivered. Her cold, regal tone reminded him that he was a guest. She deserved more than to deal with his sorry ass this early in the morning. Plaintively, he sat back on his knees and lifted his eyes to take in Regina's beauty.

His breath caught in his throat. The dark circles under her eyes and angry set of her jaw made it clear to him that even though he slept soundly in his pickled state, she had not. Leaning on her elbows, Regina washed her face in the sink, then began dabbing flesh-toned foundation to repair the damage his ill-advised behavior had caused.

"Mr. Swan, I suggest heading straight to the shower. You smell like a distillery. Don't give me any whining or excuses; we are leaving in an hour."

He pushed to his feet and swayed. "Can't I call in sick?"

"You are not ill." She snapped, sighed, and placed her hands on her hips. "As your superior, it irritates me to know that my employee did not let the inconvenience of responsibility to his employer slow his drinking. As your girlfriend, I am more than a little worried."

"Worried? Why?" He used one hand to hold on to the wall as he stepped toward her. However, Regina held up a hand. The angry set of her jaw and a steely glint in her eyes stopped his progress quicker than her hand motion. 

"This may be a news flash to you, but people die in drunk driving accidents. I know you didn't drive yourself home, but I find it unlikely that Aleksander would be under the legal limit when he arrived. What do you think?"

He blinked, trying to remember the state of inebriation of the flamboyant unicorn of a man. "Umm. Maybe. I don't know." 

"Right." She snapped once again and pointed toward the shower stall. "Sometimes, I wonder why I bother. If you aren't going to treat yourself as if you have value, why should I? Now, shower, you slept through breakfast. We will have to warm yours before we leave. Now, remove those filthy clothes. Shower, shave, etc. I should not need to tell a grown man how to handle himself in the morning. Ever. Do I make myself clear?"

He cleared his throat and nodded. He shuffled over to the shower, reached, turned on the stream, and then stood to wait outside. Regina, however, had continued her makeup routine. She leaned into the mirror and tensed the muscles of her face as she used a black pencil to outline her eyes. He watched her pluck up the container of mascara, pull the wand from the tube, and then her eyes met his in the mirror.

Regina shot him an impatient look. "Well, what are you waiting for?"

He motioned down his chest with his hands. 

"Oh, for God's sake. I have seen you naked before; if you wish to leave on your clothes until you are behind the curtain, fine. If you wish to wash while wearing your undergarments. Fine. Just get to washing. I can't be late today," she huffed and turned her back to him again.

Feeling foolish, he stepped into the stall and pulled the curtain. Tears burned in his ducts, wanting to break free, but he refused them. Fury lit his veins. Grabbing his shirt, he yanked shooting buttons into the wet tile. Unceremoniously, he yanked the soaked and ruined dress shirt from his arms and torso, tossing it to the floor. Water cascaded down his t-shirt and boxers. He felt ridiculous and realized he had failed to wrap his cast before stepping under the stream. Knowing it was already too late, he poured gel into his hand and lathered all the skin he could reach. He felt ridiculous. Drenched, but dirty. Lathered, but no cleaner. The knowledge pulsed under his skin. Biting his lower lip hard enough to rip a hole in it, he whipped his t-shirt over his head, then released the binder. She could not see him behind the thin veil of plastic. Squirting more body wash into his hand, he repeated the process with better results. Fatigue fell away as a begrudging truth made its way to the surface. Though anxiety spread through his mind like a fever, security slowly trickled into the mix.

Regina had already tested his hard limits. She exposed herself to lessen his discomfort, kept her attention to his body minimal while she helped him wash. Never had she strayed from her promise. She may not be in the shower with him, but it didn't change the fact that she wouldn't do anything other than focus her attention on her tasks. Right now, he wasn't part of her morning routine. He needed to worry about his own, as she was too busy getting ready to give him her attention.

That part of it left a sour taste in his mouth. He wasn't her task. Just a taste of fun. A distraction. A toy for when she was ready to come out and play. 

"It's going to be a long day if I continually think like this." He grimaced at the corrosive thoughts. 

*****

Frustrated, Emil plopped down at his desk. He immediately leaned down and put his head on the edge of the desk. "Emil is an asshole." He repeated his mantra over and over as he tapped his forehead against the desk. Willing himself to let stop pouting, he sat up and grabbed for his phone.

** _I forgot to tell you that you looked beautiful this morning. So, here goes. You looked gorgeous in that mini-skirt. I am sorry that I was the reason that we didn't share breakfast and have a cup of coffee together._ **

He expected a reprimand for texting at work, or possibly a thank you. However, no response came.

"Yo, Swan." August's voice captured the blonde's attention. He looked back towards the entrance of his bay to see the man carrying a thing of Pedialyte his way. "Your 'Fairy GodFather,'Aleksander, dropped this off for you." He rolled his eyes, reading the note. "I guess you two had a fun night?"

"A little too much fun," Emil muttered and took the bottle from his hands. "You and Nolan ever suffered this much?"

"Dude, we have this stuff on tap. Amature." He teased. "How're things going with the special project?"

"I wish I could say great, but it's not. Robin fucked the company over. It's possible that tons of accounts could be compromised, and maybe two or three other employees involved. No solid evidence, yet the bigwigs are freaking out on us."

"Shit. What do they expect? You can only screen so many calls a day."

"They have a short-list of accounts they know have been impacted, but they expected more. So now they are paranoid we aren't screening the calls right or worse -- that we are covering up our findings. I fucking hate people who haven't ever done my position telling me what to do. They haven't a fucking clue how any of it works, and then they put these ridiculous expectations on my shoulders and get mad when I can't meet them."

August sighed. "Maybe I should let you get back to it. You know, I'm always better when my brain is still a little pickled. Idiot savant and all that jazz. Crack one open and get to work, bud."

Laughing to himself, Emil knew August wasn't joking. The man's track record of amazing days coinciding with his post-binge drinking mornings was undeniable. "Well, here goes." He grabbed a bottle, peeled the plastic, and sucked down the childish elixir. "Still gross," he muttered to no one before starting on the day's files. 

*****

A twinge in his back screamed for attention. Emil hopped up from his chair and stretched. He scanned the area, noticing how many cubicles sat empty. He glanced at the time and whistled. How had the morning evaporated like that?

He rechecked his cell. Regina still had not responded.

** _Hey, babe, I know you are probably busy. I am going to head out and walk down to the food truck. Do you want anything? I would be glad to bring you something. Kale salad, maybe?_ **

He put his phone in his pocket before he headed to the elevator. When he stepped in, the lingering scent of Regina's perfume hit his senses. He pushed the button to take him to the bottom floor before going out through security.

As he exited, he sidled up to the guard, "Hey, has Director Mills been through?"

The man adjusted his gun belt and glared coldly at the blonde. "If she wanted you to know who she went to lunch with today-- don't you think she would tell you?"

"Right?" Emil prepared to leave, then stopped and turned. "So, she did leave for lunch?"

"Yes. She isn't here, quit asking about her." 

"Thanks." His voice threatened to break. Emil turned heel, embarrassment, and sadness, burning a red trail up his neck. Had he pushed too far? It killed him to know Regina was purposefully ignoring him, but he didn't understand what he actually did to warrant this level of avoidance. 

He traveled out through the turnstile, his thoughts following him like a sickness he couldn't shake. Halfway through his second taco, a revelation struck him. Last night Regina met with Ruby to dissolve their-- relationship. "Fuck. I completely forgot." He fished his phone from his pocket. "I got piss drunk, enjoying my evening while she was dismantling a hydrogen bomb. "Fuck." 

He hit her on speed dial and waited for her to ignore his call; it took one ring. 

** _ This is Regina. You know the drill. _ **

** _ "Hey, babe. It's me. I know I deserve you ghosting me, so don't think that I'm upset about that. But, I do want to apologize. You had a difficult night planned. I should have stayed sober if for no other reason than to be there for you when I got home." He breathed out slowly. "Instead, I acted like a self-absorbed child who doesn't care about the people around him. I'm sorry. Really, I am. If you want me to go for a few days and give you space, just say so. If the Queen wants to come out and play, she's more than welcome to put me in my place." He couldn't stop the thread of arousal spreading through his limbs. "Okay, you might not want to do that because although you would call it a punishment, my brain tried to short circuit with what you could do." He gulped. "Yeah, that...well, that sounds like a reward, not a punishment, so just tell me what you need. I'm here for you whenever you are ready." _ **

Half-heartedly, he ordered his street tacos and wolfed them down while walking. He stopped at the red light and waited for the crosswalk when the advertisement on the side of a truck caught his attention.' Hmm. Maybe,' he thought. He downloaded the app and scanned through the edible arrangements. Thumbing through the choices, he debated the chocolate-dipped bananas and thought about her reaction at the toy store. 'Nope." Then, he saw a box of chocolate-dipped pineapples and apples that came with a plush bear and smiled. He selected the item and tapped out his message.  ** _ This is my first sorry gift. Let's hope it's the last because I suck at this. Please forgive me. The bear was too cute to pass up. _ **

By the time he walked into the elevator, he regretted his gift choice. He regretted his stupidity more, but he had to deal with it anyway. He sighed, pushed the button, and allowed the other people wandering in from lunch to step on first. The metal doors closed on a full car; he wasn't on it.

'Fuck my life,' he muttered internally, slamming the button harder. 

*****

Regina took a corner table at her favorite bistro. Although she had walked out with many of the other department heads and directors, she chose to eat alone.

"Do you want your usual, Miss Mills?"

Without lifting her head from reading her phone messages, she answered, "Yes, kale salad, dressing on the side, fruit cup for dessert."

The name Emil Swan appeared in the center of her phone. She swiped to ignore him again; for the moment, she did not feel up to dealing with his insecurities. Guilt lodged in her stomach from the events of the night before.

** _ "Follow me, Mistress Mills. Your table is waiting." Regina checked out the club slave who served tonight. Clad in only a collar and leather mask that reminded her too much of Batman's Robin, she led her pet by the hand dreading the words she needed to say. _ **

** _ She pulled out the first chair for Ruby. "Sit." _ **

** _ "But, I am supposed to serve you, Mistress," the girl whined and batted her eyelids. _ **

** _ "Sit," she growled in response. "When I give an order, I expect it to be obeyed whether I am in the room or not, whether I will know if you disobey or not. That is part of the contract, or didn't you read the fine print?" Queenly, she stepped to her side of the table and allowed the slave to hold her chair. _ **

** _ "May I bring your drinks now?" _ **

** _ "Yes, I still want the wine for me, but she may need something else." Dark eyes scrutinized the woman before her--disdain, anger with a tinge of disappointment exuded from every pore. "Bring her something sugary and sweet, non-alcoholic. How about a Shirley Temple." _ **

** _ Ruby's questioning eyes flicked up to the face of her owner. "Have I done something to upset you?" _ **

** _ Relaxing, her shoulders dipped a little, her gaze softened. "Yes, but I think I should have solved this problem a long time ago. I made the mistake of believing you meant it when you said you would follow my orders. Because, if you were truly my creature, and adored me the way you claim, we wouldn't be having this conversation."  _ **

** _ Regina accepted the glass from the slave. She turned her eyes to take in the other diners around them. Her eyes landed on one seemingly happy couple after another, "But, I also should have realized that you are not the plaything I wanted." She sighed. "You never have been." Never will be." _ **

** _ She cleared her throat and began making pointed gestures to different tables. "Good subs listen to their master or mistress. They do not make demands or suggestions unless asked to do so."  _ **

** _ She pointed at several couples: one a male sat on the edge of his seat waiting with his eyes closed for a morsel of food to be placed on his plump lips; another table held a mistress hand-feeding a woman at her feet. "Have you ever given yourself that freely to another?" _ **

** _ She paused, waiting for an answer. Ruby's quiet loathing had the woman tightening her jaw and grinding her teeth. _ **

** _ Regina raised an eyebrow before her lips upturned in a sneer. "You only like to serve when it suits you. You do not want to wait until I decide when it is your turn or whether you receive praise or punishment."  _ **

** _ "Mistress., I-"  _ **

** _ Regina cut her off with the simple movement of a hand. "My expectations are only fair if I overlook my transgression. I did not pay enough attention to you." _ **

** _ She drew in a deep breath and blew it out slowly. "I always believed bratty subs came about from being pampered." Eyes the color of burnt toffee appraised the younger woman, "You need someone who can willingly devote all their attention to you. Although I told you honestly about my intentions from the beginning, you wanted more. My heart was not free. I couldn't give it to you then. I certainly can't now." _ **

** _ Her sub huffed quietly in place. Her cheeks pinked. Stern eyes took note of all the minute changes taking place as the woman fought to hide her growing rage. _ **

** _ "I forced you to share my attention. I told you from the beginning that you would be one of several playthings. I never lied to you about your position." _ **

** _ Ruby leaped to her feet and raised her voice. "Emil isn't a plaything. You brought him home. He means more. He gets more of you than any of us ever do." _ **

** _ Regina's eyes landed on the leader of their group. She sat tucked away at the bar. Her eyes focus on the two women preparing to sever a contract. "You said jealousy wouldn't be an issue, yet here we are," Regina's tone had not changed. She still spoke at an appropriate level for the two of them to hear and no further. "Now, sit down so we can finish this charade." _ **

** _ "I am not playing a child's game! I am your sub and deserve your respect." _ **

** _ Regal as ever, Regina stood up and dropped a contract in the middle of the table, "Find me one solitary clause that suggests that I owe you respect." _ **

** _ Knees weakening at the reality of her situation, Ruby sat down, noticing how few eyes had been drawn to her behavior. Most of the crowd had ignored her outburst. _ **

** _ "While you are looking for that particular word, why don't you also look for the stalking clause? I made sure you initialed that particular one when we went over it." _ **

** _ Ruby pushed back from the table and tossed the document across the center catching the candle centerpiece. The document began to burn from the outward edge. "Who reads a contract if it gets them the relationship they want?" _ **

** _ Regina used her fingers to extinguish the flame and pointed to bold type on the first page. "It explicitly states this was not a relationship. It was not going to become a relationship." As she paced around the edge of the table, all talking in the room stopped. _ **

** _ "This contract became null and void the moment you began to stalk me. In this life, we cannot have players who are not emotionally stable." She allowed the words to ring in the air.  _ **

** _ Ruby shook her head no, making her hair dance about her in a beautiful reddened arc. "I wasn't-" _ **

** _ "You came to my apartment late at night. You conned the doorman into allowing you entrance. You pounded on my door and DEMANDED I open my home to you. What part of this sounds healthy to you?" _ **

** _ Crying, Ruby dropped to her knees. "Pease, I only..." _ **

** _ "You picked up my love pretending to be his Uber driver--a fete I still don't know how you managed--and terrorized him."  _ **

** _ "Terrorized him?! I was opening her eyes to how ludicrous she was being. IF she was meant to be a man, then she would have been born one. It's just some stupid attention-grabbing fad." _ **

** _ Seething, the Queen rested her hands on the table, looking down at the wreck of a woman on the floor. "Based on your reckless behavior, and your transphobia, I declare our contract void. I ask our council to agree to my request that sanctions be rendered for her overstepping her bonds."  _ **

** _ "THIS is exactly why I hate 'transgenders'. The second they wave that stupid flag around, people stop caring about the real people in this world. You cared about me before she came out, and now you are throwing me away like yesterday's trash." Ruby could barely get the words out through her sobbing breaths.  _ **

** _ "No. I have cared about him even when he believed he was a her. I have been in love with Swan for as long as I have had the privilege to know them. Why do you think I said my heart wasn't mine to give?" Her lips twisted in disgust, "Had I known you were a transphobic ass, I wouldn't have gone anywhere near you in the first place." _ **

"Miss Mills, I have your order: kale salad, side of dressing, fruit cup. And, a slice of chocolate mousse cake with whipped cream."

Her brow furrowed as she glared at the decadent dessert expecting it to explain itself.

"We had a phone call. Mr. Swan said, 'Give her the largest piece of the sexiest dessert you have and make sure she eats it first. We wouldn't want to spoil her appetite with healthy food.'" 

She swallowed down the lump in her throat. "Did Mr. Swan say if he was joining me here?"

"No, he stated that he knows he will see you when you are ready, but he needs to know how much space is too much." The man blushed and leaned down in her space. "My girlfriend is an old friend of his. Cut the guy a little slack. He's been through a lot."


	14. Humiliated Swan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS NSFW--you have been warned. 
> 
> Emil pays dearly for not putting Regina's needs in consideration when he went out drinking with Aleks. It is time to pay the Queen for his misdeeds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In light of all the things going on in the world, we need to make sure that our trans friends are being supported in any way that we can. I came across this one recently. I am sharing it with you in hopes that you will start looking to your own community and find ways to support them however that you can.
> 
> https://www.gofundme.com/f/homeless-black-trans-women-fund?utm_source=customer&utm_medium=copy_link&utm_campaign=m_pd+share-sheet&fbclid=IwAR3JwMygk7dKlNKeR3E2lPJ5IXOPQjCba79Lvr1SAgnKuqT2iLRVtOd2_6M

** Reggie: Alright! Enough with trying to fatten me up. The treats were lovely, but if I get one more today, I will become diabetic. By now, you must realize forgiveness must be earned not bought; however, I am ready to negotiate the terms. Between 1 and 10, how upset do you think I am? **

Emil stared at his phone in disbelief. 'Oh god, that's a loaded question.'

** _ Did you get the bear? _ **

** Reggie: If it weren't for the bear, we would not be speaking, so yes. Now answer the question. **

'Of all the women in the world I could choose from, why did I fall for the one whose anger can be measured on the Richter scale?' A cold thrill rushed down his back, 'I am so fucked.'

** _ 7 maybe 8? _ **

He was regretting sending the message. Mentally, Emil began plotting his exit strategy. 'If I slip out now, I could get a good hour head start towards the Mexican Border.' A chime from his phone interrupted his thoughts. 'Dare I look?' He grimaced.

** Reggie: Close enough. So, Mr. Swan, buying me things isn't going to fix this mood I am in--what other ideas do you have percolating in that head of yours. The voicemail you left is the right place to start. **

Emil's knees buckled. He plopped down in his seat, feeling flushed. "Of course, the voicemail; the one suggesting a punishment. Great going, Emil." Heat flooded. "And, now I am talking to myself out loud in my office. Get it together, Swan, or she will eat you for dinner." 

He sat back in his chair for a moment, letting the idea sink in…' Nah, she knows I would like that way too much.'

He typed out several texts but deleted them all. "I haven't a real clue as to what would work in this situation. Hell, I don't know much at all when it comes to her lifestyle."

** Reggie, I haven't a clue what would be a good idea. I really don't know what qualifies as a punishment or what you are looking for as an answer. Imagine handing me a menu from an expensive French Restaurant and asking me to order. I know they don't supply pictures, so I could not guess what I was ordering. You are doing that same thing to me now. May I please defer to you? If I just said you can do what you want, would that be such a bad thing? **

After sending the message, he immediately placed the phone on his desk and pushed it as far away from him as possible. With his heart pounding in his chest and sweat rolling down his neck, he once again contemplated leaving work. 

The dreaded chime kept him in his chair. 

** Reggie: Do you trust me? **

His jaw tightened. 'It's a trap.' He gulped. 

** _ Yes? _ **

** Reggie: MR SWAN, YES OR NO. **

** _ Sorry, I meant "Yes" with a period. Fat thumbs. _ ** He cringed, knowing she saw through the lie.

** Reggie: I am not convinced **. 

Emil shook his head; he too felt doubtful about his feelings on this. Pursing his lips, he let out a breath and gathered his thoughts. 

** _ YOU! Me, not so much. I trust you, Reggie. I don't know the other side of you well enough to say yes to her, but I am willing to see this through. I have my safewords for a reason. I can use them, right? _ **

** Reggie: Absolutely! I want you to use them if I push too far. However, this isn't a punishment per se. It's going to be a lesson in humiliation—another form of punishment, but not precisely a physically painful punishment. I can elaborate more on the car ride, but I promise you that I would never hurt you. **

** _ Okay, I will keep an open mind. Thanks for talking to me. I needed it. _ **

** Reggie: I would have gone the whole day, but that damn teddy bear was adorable. Now, you know better than to be texting while on the clock. Get back to work. **

Emil breathed a sigh of relief, a smile slowly unfolding across his lips. 'Yeah yeah, I love you too.' He chuckled at the private sentiment and set back to work.

Invigorated by the tentative olive branch extended from Regina, the blonde managed to crank out the call reports faster and with precise detail. For the first time, he logged out of his systems feeling accomplished. 

Announcing her presence, Regina cleared her throat. Emil turned around with a delighted smile plastered on his face. "Hey, babe." 

Regina's muted expression greeted him, but the sight of the small purple teddy bear clutched to her chest had the opposite effect. "Aw. Freddy's so much cuter than the pictures."

"Freddy was his slave name. His new name is Charles." A small smirk played over her lips. "Come on, let's go. We've got a busy night ahead of us."

*****

The car ride home was polarizing from the trip to work. Thrumming hotly with arousal and trepidation, Emil felt like he was about to go skydiving for the first time. Several times he attempted to start the conversation, but his demons kept his tongue tied in knots.

Regina's eyes focused on the road, but her mind remained acutely aware of her blonde companion in the passenger seat. Discerning he needed her intervention, she finally broke the silence. "Quite riveting. I have managed to render you speechless, and we haven't even discussed my intentions for tonight." She teased.

Emil squeezed out an annoyed breath. "I wish I knew what to expect, but my damn anxiety is twisting everything around in my head. I want to know, but don't know how to ask."

Regina remembered that feeling, "Before I dive into that topic, I want you to know that I have been where you are. Nothing you say or ask is going to surprise me, and I won't be offended if you fumble your thoughts." She elicited a subtle nod from him. "Okay." Pausing, she composed herself and took on a more clinical demeanor. "Erotic humiliation is a physiological punishment meant to cultivate sexual arousal. It's a unique flavor. Some like it. Others hate it. I expect you to try it, but don't require you to like it. If, at any point, you feel distressed, you are to use your safewords immediately. Do not force yourself to continue. Not for my sake, there are other things we can explore, okay?"

"I might have to push myself though, how will I know for sure if I like it or not?"

"Great question. Compare your feelings towards something you absolutely dislike."

"Like eating sushi?"

"That's perfect. You spit that out faster than you put it. If it's tolerable, like eating cooked fish, you can keep going, but if you don't find yourself satisfied by it afterward, we don't have to try that particular recipe again. Does that make sense?" 

"I do like your lemon pepper salmon. Though I wouldn't have tried it if you hadn't lied to me about it being chicken."

"Yes, well, I can't lie about this stuff because it could harm your psyche, and I don't ever want to do that to you. Your trust is everything to me, and I don't want to damage that."

"Reggie, we've been friends forever. This other side of you; she's fascinating and sexy as hell, but I am not sure if it isn't the terror that excites me." He sighed. "I feel like such a freak sometimes. But, never with you. I know there might be things that I can't handle. If that happens, I promise to use my safewords."

"That pleases me beyond words. I need you to understand that your brain's chemistry is changing. This lifestyle, BDSM, manipulates your brain too. I have heard horror stories about the physiological damage inflicted with inexperienced individuals who did not take proper precautions. I am not taking any chances. My heart can't bear it. Not for you. Not ever."

His heart fluttered with her admission. Up to this point, he told himself she loved him. He always drank in the signs of affection, but this carefully candid conversation finally penetrated the miasmic fog blanketing his mind. 

The goopy complexity of his lifelong experiences receded, leaving behind the pieces of pure affection. 'What is going on here?' Emil earnestly pleaded to his mind for an answer while simultaneously understanding what was happening. Rapidly the puzzle pieces fell into place as a pleasant warmth, unlike any he had ever felt before, enveloped him. 

With absolute security and certainty, he understood what it was to find his person. Everything he ever imagined they would be sat less than a foot away from him. 

Though worry hung on the brunette's features, Regina knew Emil was processing his thoughts. A couple of minutes ticked by before she felt his fingers lace between hers. 

"Hey." Emil gave a comforting squeeze. "If you accidentally hurt me, I wouldn't fault you. No one is perfect, but it's a scientific fact that you wouldn't intentionally harm me in malice. Yeah, you practice sadism for pleasure, but you aren't a deranged psychopath. You...no...We are seeking mutual gratification, and that means you won't make me do things that I can't do. And yes, I did some more research into BDSM. I get the core ideas and what consensual power play is supposed to be. Considering I am new to it and as a sexual partner, we are only at the first stage: education and building trust. I am learning your likes and dislikes while you are helping me find mine. My rational fear is finding something that I don't like and disappointing you because it's your favorite thing to do. I replay old video games, and it's disappointing if I've lost the disk. But I can always find a replacement. You can't."

"It's a two-way street. You might research more and find something that you want to try that I don't like." She squeezed his hand while pointing out an important truth.

He contemplated her meaning before responding, "True, but it wouldn't be a deal-breaker for me. Not having the experience isn't a big deal. I'll forget it and move on. Having you in my life is worth missing out on things I don't need."

Regina parked and looked at Emil. She took in the sappy grin. "Let's head up to the apartment, and we'll discuss the scene on the elevator ride." She pressed a kiss on the back of his hand.

"Why do I feel like you intend to devour me in the elevator? Should I try to escape?"

"I can run in heels. Trust me. You don't want the embarrassment of me tackling you in the parking lot--unless that's something you want to try?"

"That's a hard NO." He chuckled. "When you do tackle me, I want it private and preferably on a surface that won't leave a road rash."

*****

"You can't expect me to want to try that!" The color drained from his face as the situation became real.

"Turn it down a notch. Only dogs can hear what you are saying." Regina tossed the statement over her shoulder as she walked into her apartment. He stumbled after her, slowly dragging his feet as a toddler worried about his impending spanking.

"Stop lingering in the doorway. AC is expensive to run, and I don't plan on footing the bill for the whole floor." She added.

Emil hesitantly crossed the threshold and closed the door. He couldn't collect himself, or will himself to move any further. 

"People do this?" His mind tried to compute the information she had delivered on the ride up to her floor.

"Emil, come here." Regina sternly beckoned him from deeper into the apartment.

He looked around, stunned to realize she had left him standing at the front door alone.

"FINE." He exasperatedly responded and peeled himself from the door. "Where are you?"

"Where do you think?" All traces of patience left her voice.

"Of course." He rolled his eyes. "You've been plotting against me all day, haven't you?" 

Regina took a step closer to him, tilted her head to the side like she was thinking, then waved her hand in the air like she had dismissed a meeting.

"No, first, I thought about murdering you. Then, I realized I would miss you. I am not into necrophilia, so this was the lesser of two evils that popped in my head somewhere in between lunch and my last meeting of the day."

Standing watching Emil shift from one foot to the other in quick succession, she wondered what a little Emil would have been like. She smiled when she envisioned a dirty-faced little boy wearing muddy coveralls and a pout.

"Can't you just spank me or something?" His eyes traced down her form, appreciating how Regina's pencil skirt shifted as she leaned on the doorjamb smirking at him.

The image in her head grew worse with his question. "That would be too easy. Too quick. And, whatever happened to leave it to my discretion?"

Her words hung in the air taunting. The raised eyebrow taunting him didn't help.

"You had your chance to pick out your punishment. Now you just have to deal with the consequences of your actions." Ducking into the bathroom, only an evil laugh lingered behind her. She spent several minutes collecting the items she needed from the sink cabinet. She heard him shuffling closer to watch, so she took longer than strictly necessary to watch him squirm. "Suck it up, buttercup, and get your lily-white ass in here."

Dragging his feet, he entered the bathroom, keeping a healthy distance from the brunette. Emerald eyes flickered over the objects she pulled from the cupboard, his brain screaming from him to turn heel and run. 

"I recommend removing your pants and anything you don't want ruined." She said casually and snapped a black latex glove over her wrist.

His buttcheeks clenched. "Can't we re-negotiate?" 

"No. You had your chance, but you ruined the evening with alcohol. You could have been a man and powered through the hangover and spent time with me this morning, but you didn't. Now, I get to leave a lasting impression so that you never forget about me again."

He gulped. "Right."

"Don't test my patience. Please remember I am the one who decides when we are finished."

"Noted." His hands shook as he released his belt and dropped his pants. She did not have to direct him to pick them up and place them in the laundry hamper.

"Boxers too."

He nodded. "Right. I was getting to that."

"You were stalling." 

He pulled his boxers off and pointed at his shirt, "Should I leave it or will this be a problem?"

Regina laughed a little. "Leave it for now. Alright, now step over to the sink, grab the ledge and bend over."

"What about your clothes? Don't you need to change too?" He squeezed his eyes closed as her hand rested on his lower back. 

She glanced at her clothes. "I think I am willing to sacrifice these to the cause. I might even appreciate a tiny reminder of this afternoon. 

"Relax. You might enjoy this."

"What's so enjoyable about having a piece of rubber shoved up your ass?" he asked between clenched teeth.

"If you will just relax, I promise to answer that question."

"Promise?"

Tantalizing fingers caressed his lower back, unwillingly his muscles unknotted. One of her hands explored lower, teasing his sphincter, sending a tantalizing thrill through his body.

"Don't forget to breathe." She said, sliding the nozzle into place. She continued to rub his lower back until he felt comfortable enough to speak.

"Right."

She smiled at him in the mirror. "Now, the fun begins." She lifted the filled bag and gave it a gentle squeeze.

An odd heavy sensation began to build. He sucked in a deep breath and held it for a moment, trying to get control of the chaos clouding his mind. 

Regina's eyes didn't waver from his as she continued to keep even pressure on the apparatus.

Succumbing to his nerves, he couldn't keep the words from spilling out of his mouth. "That's a large bag." His voice cracked, and his eyes doubled in size. Worried emeralds lost their focus on the reflective surface. A weighted fullness pulled at his frame. 'Don't disappoint the Queen' reverberated inside his skull. 

When the bottle began to collapse in on itself, Regina finally spoke. "How do you feel?"

His body shaking with tension fighting to stay in control of this primary function, his eyes met hers in the mirror. "Like I need to birth a watermelon out my ass."

Her mouth twisted into a snarl. "I think that might be appropriate. Migrate to the toilet. You have two more treatments to go."

"What?"

*****

Rubbing his thighs, he didn't know how long he spent on the toilet, but it was long enough for his legs to go completely numb. He buried his face between his hands and blew out all the air in his lungs, dispelling the anxiety that had been residing in his soul all day.

"Are you alive in there?" Regina called from behind the door.

"No?" He looked down at his pale toes and wondered when the hair had begun to grow on them.

"I will give you one more minute. If I have to come in to assist, we will repeat the process a fourth time." She warned him.

"I'm moving." Not wanting to have another dose of warm water plunged up his ass, he rolled up onto his feet, staggering for a few steps before falling back onto the toilet. A loud thunk resounded in the tiled room.

"Are you alright?" Concerned, Regina twisted the knob.

"I'm fine! Just light-headed. I stood up too fast." His panicked response deterred her from entering. "Give me another minute so I can get the feeling back in my legs. Please." 

"I am going to help you up. Don't argue."

She stepped into the room and noticed a pair of black boxers covered his lower regions. She glared at him. "I don't recall saying you could put these on."

"But, they are already on…" His voice trailed off.

Schooling her features, Regina stepped closer "So you've been in here sulking for the last twenty minutes?"

"No...yes." He sighed. "Maybe. I don't know."

Taking in his pathetic demeanor, Regina dropped her facade. "You're doing great, but are you okay?"

"Yeah, just processing. I've never done that before. At least, I don't remember ever having to have that done to me. It wasn't a bad experience. Just weird?" His voice wavered on the word, not sure if it best described how he felt about it. "I don't see the appeal." 

"Some people love it, others tolerate it, and everyone else dislikes it. Quite frankly, I am the latter. The real purpose for this isn't just to humiliate you, but also to get you ready for the next part." She helped him up.

"Next part?" He tossed her a quizzical look.

"Oh, I am not anywhere near done with you." 

He gulped. "You're not?"

"Nope. Now, lose the shorts before we take this to the bedroom. You won't be needing them."

He rolled the offending fabric down and off before standing awkwardly. Taking both his hands in hers, she pulled him toward the door. "Do you remember when I had you against the sink, and my fingers brushed you, you felt a tingly sensation and your knees buckled?"

"Yes." He gave Regina his best puppy dog eyes, trying to end the insanity.

"The reason that happened is that those nerve endings are hypersensitive. Some people ignore them because they aren't interested; others won't go there because they have been too afraid to try. If you aren't open to trying something new, now is the time to speak up."

Em bit his lip and contemplated. She motioned for him to lie on his stomach on the bed. He fell on an assortment of objects on the nightstand. "I always thought my ass was an exit only kind of place." He gulped. "Why do you make me question everything I know about myself?"

She laughed. "Now, pull your shirt off. I want you wearing nothing but your binder only at this point." 

He froze at the end of the bed. "My shirt?"

"Yes." Regina felt his hesitance. "I know you think I am unfair, but I will only be seeing your backside, but the shirt will get in the way. Not to mention it will take some of the sensuousness out of this, which is half the point."

He cleared his throat and looked nervously around the room. "Will you close your eyes until I tell you to open them? I want to do this your way, but I can't like this."

"I will do better than that. I am going to clean up the bathroom while you get prepared. Call me when you're ready." He watched the confident sway of her hips as she walked away. Just before she stepped out of sight, she turned and caught him staring at her ass. "I don't recall telling you that you could gawk." 

He heard the teasing tone but knew better than not to acknowledge the mistake. "Sorry, mistress."

She disappeared from the room, leaving him and his jumbled thoughts. 'She knows me.' He whispered to himself as he yanked his shirt over his head, then a wave of bravery settled into his skin. He crawled up onto the bed and lay across the blankets with his eyes trained on the bathroom door. 

"Babe, I'm ready."

Regina returned to the room wearing a silk robe and a soft smile that he had not expected. She dimmed the lights leaving the place in the half-light, making her skin look velvety in contrast with the merlot silk wrapped around her form. She sat beside him, stroking the bare skin of his back with her fingernails. 

"I think we should talk for a few minutes before I begin."

He hummed, enjoying the unexpected gentleness. She leaned down and kissed his shoulder before lying beside him. "I gather that you never experimented this way before."

"No. Killian wanted to...he tried to get me drunk enough to say yes, but in the end, I couldn't." Emil chewed on his lip. "I didn't trust him enough for that."

Regina edged closer so that a few inches separated their noses. "I'm glad you didn't." She gently stroked his cheek. "You know you are beginning to have a five o'clock shadow." 

Her smile brightened before her tone grew more serious. "This is something I want to share with you." The light faded in her eyes as her mind drifted to her past. Emil tried to offer comfort by putting his hand on top of hers. 

"Many moons ago, when I began testing my boundaries when I began to find myself, I dated a woman named Mal. She introduced me to myself in so very many ways. This is one of the many lessons I had. Anal play is more personal, more private, maybe because it's taboo, maybe not. I don't know, and I don't care why." Regina interlocked their fingers.

"There is something about the intimacy of the moment, the fullness, the weight. It's not like anything I can explain to you. But, with her, I felt safe. I felt loved. I felt owned and adored. I want that for you."

"So, how do we do this?" he asked nervously.

"We don't do anything. You lay here and relax. I will be easing you into this. We have to train your body to accept the intrusion."

His eyebrows rocketed up. "What?"

Regina sat up and slid off the bed. "Don't worry. I promise to use lots of lube and to help you along. Now, lift your hips for a minute. He had not noticed the Hitachi wand in her hand. "I need to slip this underneath you to help matters along."

He hesitantly complied. "Slide it around until it sits where you would need it most."

His face blushed furiously. "I won't know the correct spot unless you turn it on. The turtle's a little picky."

"Sure," she said. He flinched as the vibrations hit his pelvis. He used one hand to move the toy into place. 

The snap of a surgical glove turned his attention behind him. 

"Eyes forward." The stern command whipped through the air. 

"Can I request a blindfold?" 

"Excellent timing, Mr. Swan. If you had waited for a second more, I would have had to clean up before I could help you." She patted his bare ass with her bare hand; the gloved one grabbed a scarf she had discarded from her work attire. "This will do." She wrapped the fabric around his eyes and tied it into place. "Is there anything else that you need to make this experience more comfortable?"

"No, I'm good." His lips curled into a smile. Tantalizing fingers teased his backbone. 

"This might feel cold." The brunette used her bare hand to push his left leg aside as she stroked his hole with her pointer finger. First, she lightly rubbed the puckered surface. "Relax. I'm going to push in a little at a time." 

He sucked in a breath as she followed her step by step instructions. Strangely, her movements did not hurt. 

"We have to begin to stretch you open. At first, your body will resist. But, as soon as your brain begins to reprogram, you will feel…"

Her finger slid past the muscle ring filling him with an odd sensation somewhere between a tickle and a caress. He moaned as a surge of warmth cascaded through him. "Nice."

Regina chuckled. "We need to expand your vocabulary."

She added a second finger, still gently pumping in and out, scissoring her digits to expand the hole.

"Does it hurt?"

"N-n-no. It doesn't hurt." He stuttered. "Brain is short-circuiting a little. Can you turn off the wand?"

"Not yet." Her fingers withdrew to be replaced by a harder slicker object pushing into him.

His back tensed as he pushed up onto his elbows. "Please tell me you aren't planning on using my favorite toy." 

Regina stroked the small of his back with her bare hand. "No. I would never do that to you. Besides, it is best not to mix uses. Vaginal toys should not be inserted in the anus and then back into a vagina. It isn't sanitary, no matter how much you clean it." That same hand skated down the curvature of his ass and onto the back of his thigh. With the other hand, she pushed a little harder. "This is going to be uncomfortable for just a second."

The rubber tapered out wider than her fingers had been creating a pinching, burning sensation that did not hurt, but was not pleasant either. 

"Does that hurt?"

He hissed a bit. The brunette adjusted the intensity of the vibrator scrambling his thoughts.

With one final push, the bulge went beyond the tight ring of muscle. "Better?"

"Much." He let out a slow breath.

"Do you still want me to turn it off?"

"Please."

"Lift your hips, and I will remove it." 

Without the interference, he lay there feeling. With the plug in place, the sensation altered into a soothing, peaceful feeling. "I can't describe this."

He heard the warmth of her voice when she chuckled. "Oh, how I know. And this is just the beginning. If you like it, we will get to a larger, heavier one that is closer to the size of a penis. And, that one...well, let's say there may be a day soon that I teach you how to do this for me. It intensifies everything."

The bed dipped underneath him as she crawled up. He heard fabric hit the floor; her warm skin pressing into his back and hips was not as shocking or surprising as it usually would have been. 

With her arms resting atop his shoulders, she set her chin down on the top of her hand. "Now, Mr. Swan, take your time and allow yourself to feel. And ask yourself, is this something I enjoy."

"God, yes." Emil blurted. Then, when no more words followed, he asked, "So, is this the end of it?"

The evil laugh erupting from Regina caused him to tense. "No. This is the intermission."


	15. Training Swan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More NSFW...like seriously! I am talking most of the chapter is NSFW, starts with a hint. Ends with a bang.
> 
> I am going to say trigger warning for discussing his family. And, maybe there less than vanilla play needs a little of it too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope all is well with everyone. I'm still trying to get my head screwed on straightish. And, I am struggling with the concept that my school district is resuming school in less than a month IN PERSON. Yeah...so not happy about that. As a teacher I will be wearing a face mask but, I also know what high schooler hygiene is like. So, yeah...pray for me.

_ The evil laugh erupting from Regina caused him to break out in a cold sweat. "No. This is an intermission." _

Nowhere near sated, Emil found himself awake and alone at midnight. Regina's experiment had successfully paid off and opened his world beyond the tiny confines of vanilla sex. However, the addictive slice of heaven she treated him to, left him craving more. 

Clenching his jaw, Emil readjusted his awkwardly placed grip, the subtle movement stirring an electrical storm of bliss and pain. His body trembled with anticipation as his pleasure continued to build and pulse hotly in his core. Strain and exhaustion weakened his efforts, and soreness threatened to end his solo endeavor on a sour note.

A cramp formed in his broken hand, causing him to drop his phone onto his chest. "Fuck" Emil silently mouthed, allowing his head to roll back onto the pillow. He relaxed for a moment and caught his breath. Frustration numbed the vibrating bliss between his butt cheeks and tempered the flame in his center.

Regina's machinations seemed harmless initially, but as the evening turned into morning, he began to see the devil in the details. And, feel the pain in his ass. The blonde let out a resigned sigh.

"I just need one fucking orgasm, and I can sleep. Just one. I am not asking for much." He begged the powers that be under his breath. 

Flexing the tired muscles around the vibrating plug, sparked a pleasurable tingle in his toes. He chased after the feeling adding more pressure until his body quaked. "Please. Please. Please." He breathlessly chanted. The blonde raised back into position, ignoring the stinging pain plaguing every inch of his sore, tired arm as he jammed the base of the toy deeper into his tormented channel.

Screwing his eyes shut, Emil blanketed his world in darkness and honed in on the sliver of white light dancing in the distance. He sucked in a quivering breath just as a wave of pleasure smashed through him, locking every muscle in his body. Pressure soared in his head; a high pitched whine filled his ears, and heat radiated from his throbbing core. Coaxing his hips forward, lodged the toy into his pelvic floor's underside and intensified the vibrations on a particularly sensitive patch of flesh. 

"Oh, God." He choked out in a stuttering breath as his fingers desperately sought to secure their hold on the ergonomically shaped prostate massager. His feet dragged up and dug into the mattress as his free hand clutched the silky fabric beside him. "Fuck." He whimpered through his clenched teeth, pain flickering along his neck and seeping into his jaw.

His body snapped and spasmed from the atomic blast erupting within his slick convulsing channel in a flash of brilliant white. The firestorm savagely threw him over the edge and thoroughly ravaged his body in burning bliss.

His bones melted in the chaos; contently, he collapsed back onto the mattress with a stupid grin cast between his lips.

"Do you think my butt looks juicy?" Regina's sleepyish voice quickly captured his attention.

Rolling his head to the side, Emil peaked between hooded lids. "What?" He squeezed in a tight breath. 

A gentle giggle stirred from the tangled mess of brunette locks, "Would you describe my butt as juicy?" She rolled up onto her side and swept back the rogue strands from her puffy eyes. A warm smile spread across her lips. "It's a yes or no, Mr. Swan." She stated with mirth dancing in her eyes.

Emil wasn't used to the disheveled features of his partner so early in the morning. It was a look he grew to cherish the longer he inspected. "That's a complicated question. I define juicy as an edible sensation one feels when biting into an apple or orange. If I say yes, then it sounds like cannibalism. And, despite what some people tell you, eating humans isn't kinky. However, your ass is sexy, and I love sexy things. Sooo… you know…" He couldn't stop the trainwreck spilling from his lips.

Regina's tired features sharpened with her awareness. "Emil, why are you still awake?" Though thoroughly spent, he still had enough working brain cells to perceive a dubiously laid trap.

The blonde subconsciously flinched, knocking the vibrating plug into his sensitive core. A moan escaped his lips as his brain sunk back into the drunken haze of pleasure. 

Watching the ravaging bliss consume Emil's body, stirred a hunger deep within her pit. "Oh my sweet boy, playing with yourself after I explicitly told you not to..." 

"Huh?"

She clicked her tongue, soliciting a worried expression from the blonde. "Don't stop. Let me help you." Seductively purring the command, she shifted forward and anchored her nails into his scalp. Pain twisted his features while pleasure streamed from his lips in needy mewls. Dark desire devoured the remaining sanity within his emerald depths, "Once you flick that switch, there is no going back." She cautioned him as he mouthed the same words over and over again.

"Mistress, please." Barely able to breathe through the pulsing pleasure, Emil's voice cracked with his plea.

Regina mocked the request, "I am sorry. I can't hear you." She inched closer to his face, her warm breath teasing his lips. "Say it again."

Wrenching his head in her grasp, Emil strained to meet her lips, "Please, Mistress." 

She leaned back, keeping him in place so that she could see all of his face. "Your wish is my command." She deviously chuckled, sending a shiver of doubt down his spine.

"Anal play engages the pelvic floor which can provide multiple orgasms, but sometimes it's not enough to exhaust the arousal it stirs." She reached down between the tented sheets and smacked away his cramped hand. Grasping the overly heated base, she pressed and angled the massager deeper into his throbbing slick. 

"Fuck." Emil squeaked. Blood pumped into his stunted member, eliciting a flurry of feverish groans. 

Regina continued to thrust the toy until she felt the tip of his sex swell beneath her wrist. She paused to adjust her position. "Just you wait, this is hardly a 3rd of what you are about to experience." Tracing the shell of his ear with her tongue, she breathed the words between salacious licks. "Roll onto your stomach." Pinching the fleshy lobe between her teeth, she seamlessly followed his movements, only giving a few encouraging tugs along the way.

She straddled his back, returning to the same position she took hours before. Her mind heavily leaned on her crueler instincts this late into the night, "Use your words when you can't take anymore." 

*****

Em lay flat on his back, panting and sweating with one arm thrown over his eyes. Regina laughed. "Well, you were unexpectedly enthusiastic."

"Yeah. We are definitely doing that one again."

Sweat glistened on her naked body as she turned her head to the side, trying to decipher the man lying next to her. "Do you need any water?" She sat up, grabbing a glass from the nightstand. 

Drinking the offered water would have only created embarrassment; his muscles refused to respond. He shook his head. "God, I can barely feel my bones." He rolled his head to the side, feasting his eyes on the woman next to him. "I would spoon you, but that requires my body to work--so ain't happening." What had once been a pleasant pressure in his anus had morphed into a twinging reminder of the night's activities otherwise known as step three.

Regina took a few sips before lying down in a mirror image to his. For the first time since he had returned drunk, his cast sat out in the open, allowing her to see the bruised fingers sticking out the end. Her eyes traced over the cracked surface. 

"Can we backtrack to that night? I want you to explain what happened. The Swan that I know would never have been as self-absorbed as you were. So, please, enlighten me." 

He cleared his throat, fighting the tension growing in his chest. His eyes filled with tears. "I didn't mean to let it get out of hand." He swallowed down the guilt. Squeezing his lips into a tight line, He inhaled a deep breath and let it out slowly. Then, he forced the words out of his mouth. "You were right. I shouldn't have gone to see my parents. I should have waited until I knew no one would be home even though that almost never happens."

Stormy coffee orbs flicked to the pulverized material around his fingers. "That does not explain how you have damaged your second cast."

His eyebrows shot up, and his mouth formed a small O as it occurred to him that she would not like any of the next group of words that fell from his mouth. He thought to himself, 'Remember less is more.'

"Um. Neal was home."

"Uh-huh." Her eyes narrowed, pinning him in place without lifting a finger. "And this causes damage? How? I know you, and I know this tactic. I want details, not Cliff's Notes."

He gave her his best kicked-puppy expression. "You see. When I got there, dad insisted I come in to visit. I went in just to grab the keys, but he wasn't having it. He didn't let me say no. Mom was...well, she was Mom on one of her not too great days. She made me think of the adult version of the weird introvert girl in  _ the Breakfast Club _ . But, she wasn't hiding in her room. She sat in the living room in all her rumpled glory. Everything was fine until Neal walked into the room. He didn't have one single nice thing to say unless you consider misogynistic assholerly to fit the bill."

She scowled at him, waiting for further explanation. A dark eyebrow slowly raised in silent command.

"He may or may not have volunteered to use his real dick to satisfy you in ways I never could." Feeling incredibly small and powerless, he told the truth. He hid behind his eyes, refusing to face the pain in hers. Instead, he squeezed his eyes closed, used his breathing exercises, and thanked the old mystical being in the clouds he didn't believe in that Regina did not have to hear the words from the little fucktard's mouth. 

"And so you hit him?"

"I punched him so hard that he left a hole in the sheetrock."

Schooling her features, Regina took in a breath. "Did that make you feel better?"

Emil gave her a quizzical look, "Not really, no." He wasn't sure what answer she was expecting.

"Then, you know better than to use your fist. So, why did you punch him?"

Staying calm had never been his strong suit. "Because he was an ASSHAT!" 

He stopped and took a deep breath. "Actually, I am not sure why I hit him. I couldn't have stopped myself if I had tried. I don't even remember throwing the punch. One minute he was talking shit, and the next, my dad was peeling me off of him. The words he said made the whole world turn to rage. Neal made sure I knew that there was no room for me in his family." An awkward, strangled sound made its way out of Em's throat. "In fact, he made it clear that there is no room for me anywhere. In his view, I shouldn't exist. I don't count."

Regina placed a grounding hand on his chest. She allowed him to feel her empathy, but that was as far as she would allow it to go.

"I get it. I do." She scowled at him in a way he had seen many times. He braced for the words. "That doesn't excuse your behavior." She poked him in the chest. "It doesn't make it okay that you chose to drive to a bar on the other side of town angry. You then proceeded to drink so much that your liver sent up and S.O.S. signal this morning. Your experience at home does not remove your responsibility for your actions."

He wrapped his bandaged hand around the finger, poking him in the chest. "It wasn't like that."

She rolled her eyes. 

"It wasn't."

"Oh, really? Then, how was it different?" She said incredulously. Her pursed lips told him that he should choose his next words carefully.

"When I was driving back in Shelby, I wanted to call you, cancel my plans, and come home. But you had a thing—an important date. You needed to deal with Ruby just like I needed to meet with Aleks. Well, not exactly like that. My evening wasn't going to be a minefield of emotions."

"True." Irritation slowly drained out of her face as she listened to his explanation.

He huffed out a breath. "So, I tried to deal with it as I should. Then, Aleks made it his life's goal to make me pee in the men's room. And everything went on a steady decline from there."

A snort escaped Regina's lips, then confusion set in, "What do you mean by that? You go to the men's room at work all the time, don't you?"

"No, I don't, Reg. I am such a fucking coward." He sighed and put his face in his hands. "I use the gender-neutral one, and if it's busy, I just don't go. Aleks made it a point to drag me in the men's room. After that, I felt like I could do anything, like pound a shit ton of beers and talk about stuff I never thought I would. It made me feel amazing, and I got caught up in it. I am sorry." 

He squeezed her hand in his. "I promise I would have rather come home to you, but it was good for me. I needed that. He made me feel like other men could handle having me around even after Neal made me feel like a fraud."

"It sounds like Aleks made you feel like a real man."

He shook his head negatively. "No, you do that for me. He validated it. He made me understand that I could be one of the guys." Curling into her, he pulled her close. "I promise I will do better next time. I hate that I disappointed you. And, it kills me that I hurt you. You deserve so much better than that."

******

Painstakingly slow, Emil slid into the driver's side seat. Acutely aware of the steel and silicone toy shifting with his movements. A numb throbbing deep within his rear reminded him to take it easy going back home. A sinister chill rolled down his back, "She wouldn't risk me getting into a car accident, right?" After she decided to turn on the toy to its highest settings during his one to one productivity meeting with Kalen, all bets were off.

Thirty blood pumping minutes into that meeting, and he was sure she was trying to kill him or get him fired. Thankfully though, Regina accidentally turned it on, and when she realized her mistake quickly addressed it. How he managed to recover his composure and laugh the whole thing off as a joke was beyond comprehension.

Worry set in when he neared the end of his shift while mentally tallying the battery's life. With the meeting being the most extended amount of time, the little minute-long vibrations barely topped forty minutes of use from a-- His mind blanked, "How long is the battery life on this thing?" 

Opening the internet browser on his phone, he started searching for the owner's guide to his exact toy. Unfortunately, he only knew what it looked like from the allowed breaks to remove the gadget and check in with his comfort level. There wasn't a brand listed on the toy or model information. All the images he found were near identical to his, but the battery life varied from 60 minutes to 96 minutes of prolonge use. 

** Reggie: I have a late meeting tonight, I won't be done till 8. Be a good boy and keep the toy in until I see you. **

Mortified, frustrated, and painfully aroused, he finally shifted into gear and started his journey home. 

A couple of potholes and bumps later, he felt the worst was behind him and relaxed. He cleared his thoughts about Regina and the device buried between his sore cheeks and focused on the clues he had found. Sifting them and evaluating them in his mind, he realized that evidence had begun to surface. Robin's theft had been sneaky, but not quite as ingenious as he had once thought. "I just need to check a few more things," he muttered to himself as he pulled up to the burger joint drive-thru. 

With a greasy double cheese quarter pounder in one hand, he thumbed through his notes with the other. His mind lingered on a particular agent ID that appeared a month ahead of Robin's calls. "TSMHALL." He spoke the letter's, trying to picture the agent's face. "I know this I.D. I've worked with an agent before this case with that exact I.D." Taking a chunk of charbroiled beef and bun, he chewed fixating on the letters until his mind filled in the gaps. 

"Jeeps!" The vehicle flashed in his head, and he immediately remembered the adorably goofy jeep enthusiast in his training class. "Trevor Smith-Hall." The 19-year-old in the business internship program. Mid-length sun-bleached blonde hair and a slender surfer style-esque build, Trevor was young and driven. "I don't think he is capable of something like this." He pondered for a bit, finishing his burger.

A banner popped at the top of his screen, "I don't remember setting up the find my phone feature." Puzzled, he tapped on the link and waited for the internet page to open. Reaching for the bag of fries, he heard his text message alert sound. Barely catching part of the text before it vanished, he read the only words that mattered to him; brace yourself.

The device kicked on, sending powerful vibrations through his core. He jolted forward in his seat, smashing his nose into the steering wheel and knocking the fries from their perch on the dash. Drawing in desperate gasps for air, he wrapped his fingers around the ten and two positions and braced himself. For seven long minutes, his Mistress played with the speed and power settings, bringing him close to climaxing twice before ending her long-distance play.

His phone chimed again with another message, to which he opened with a weak tap of his thumb.

** Reggie: I shouldn't have to remind you to check-in when you arrive at your location. **

** I am sorry, Mistress. Please forgive me. **

** Reggie: You can make it up to me later. These idiots should have sent an email rather than have a long-winded meeting over implementing a universal attendance policy. If I were you, I wouldn't plan on driving for the hour and a half. **

He gulped at that statement and hazard to ask,  ** Why? **

** Reggie: I can't fall asleep during this meeting, so you will keep my mind entertained. **

He could hear her long annoyed sigh in that message.  ** I am just going to be working on Shelby.  ** Emil assured her he understood her meaning.

** Reggie: Be a good boy. Don't do any strenuous work.  **

He turned towards the fries scattered over the passenger seat and floor.  ** No, just gonna clean up and do routine maintenance. Nothing risky.  ** He plucked a fry from the seat and popped it in his mouth.  ** Or strenuous.  ** Emil added.

** Reggie: Delightful.  **

Imagining the sinister smile crossing her plump crimson lips, stirred his tiny member to attention. "Fuck." He seethed through his clenched teeth. Then, it clicked in his head,  ** Wait. Don't turn it on--  ** Before the blonde could finish his voice-to-text message, another jolt of pleasure violently plucked his nerves.  ** Oh my god, please let me come, Mistress.  ** He groaned into the phone. Smashing the send button, he dropped the device to the floor between his legs. "Please, let me come. Please." He begged for release, but as quick as the blissful attack started, it ended.

Regina sat in the corner of Gold's office, offering a few opinions when needed, but her attention stayed mainly with the tormented blonde. She could only imagine how his body twisted with her devious ministrations, a flick of the speed slider earned a pleading text from her partner.

** Boyfriend: Oh my god, please let me come, Mistress.  ** She longed to hear his needy groans, imagining them wasn't enough.

"Which brings me to my final thoughts on completing this transition--" Regina raised her hand, cutting off the young and inexperienced Headquarters representative. 

"My apologies, Mr. Veit, but before we go another hour into your conclusion, may we break for a 15-minute breather?" Regina's words reflected the sentiments of the room.

"Yes, please. I could really use a break to get the blood flowing in my legs." Gold supported her suggestion despite the speaker's obviously horrified look. "It would do us some good to let the information sink in to offer sound input."

"G-good idea." Mr. Veit stammered his agreement.

As the group adjourned for a break, Regina headed across the cubicle block to her office. Closing the door behind her, she sat down at her desk and dug through her purse. Pulling out her micro-Bluetooth earpiece, she tapped out a quick message to her blonde partner.

** When I call you, just pick up. I am still in the meeting, so I'll have myself on mute. I want to hear the sounds you make as I play with you.  ** Typing out her mischievous instructions, piqued her arousal. All-day, she straddled the precarious line between business and pleasure. As much as she tormented Emil, she too was nearing her breaking point. 

** Boyfriend: I've got my earbud in, just listening to music while I work—Ready for your call, Mistress. **

"Good, boy." She purred her appeasement, fingers hovering over the tiny letter keys.  ** You may not come. I'll be the one to decide if you have earned that privilege.  **

Fifty minutes flew by from her last message. Emil busied himself, changing the oil filter; his mind drifted with the upbeat rock music playing from his internet radio. He managed to drain the pan without his Mistress's distracting intervention, but as he worked to remove the oil filter, a familiar ringtone cut through Chevelle's 'Take Out the Gunman.'

His eyes grew wide, but once he checked the caller I.D. to see Aleks was calling, he relaxed.

"Hey, Aleks!"

"Hey Kiddo, I wanted to invite you over for a little party I am throwing this weekend. It's just a couple of friends and my sister. I know it's kinda last minute, but I would love to have you over if you are free."

"I've gotta ask Regina, but I would love to for sure."

"Miss boss lady, still mad?"

"Kinda? I feel like she is cooling down." 

"That woman is all kinds of spicy. If it helps, I can pick you up, and if you're not in any condition to drive, you can stay the night or ask her for a ride. Either way, you'll be super safe and not on four wheels after having some of my famous AMFFs."

"AMFF?"

"Adios, my fabulous friends. They are strong, but sweet when the alcohol hits you. Definitely not driving after having one of those."

"Oh, those sound...fabulous." 

"You'll have a better description after having one. Either way, let me know if Miss Boss Lady is cool with me borrowing you by Friday night. Don't piss her off in the meantime, okay?"

"You're the bad influence."

"Yes, but I can't be a bad influence if you make bad choices on your own. Hugs, kiss-kiss. Toodles." Emil swore he heard glitter cannons firing in his head.

The music picked up halfway through a new track after Aleks ended the call, lulling Emil back into his work. He managed to swap out the old filter before another call came through. This time it was Regina.

Swallowing down the lump forming in his throat, he tapped the accept button and started the dead-air call. A moment passed, and he couldn't help but state the obvious. "This is weird."

The toy zinged to life, stealing his breath and buckling his knees. He whacked his forehead on the chassis. "Fuck. Shit. Piss." He rattled off the expletives between ragged pants while rubbing the small lump above his hairline. He tripped over a dropped tool in a frenzy to secure a solid grasp on the car frame and stumbled into the old filter, spilling oil all down the front of his coveralls. "Dammit." Sighing the last of his curses, the speed decreased to sluggish pace allowing him to regain some of his composure. A text alert popped in the silence.

** Reggie: Language Mr. Swan. **

"My apologies, mistress." He hardly squeaked out his apology, before the speed increased to a brisk pace. His fingers twisted against the metal ridge, pain numbly throbbed in the backdrop of the pleasure racing through his veins. "Please, mistress." Brought to the edge for nth time today, his patience waned with his diminishing pride. Emil no longer cared about maintaining his dignity; all he focused on was relief. "Please, let me come." He begged through clenched teeth.

** Reggie: Not yet. You've been doing such a good job, my sweet boy, but I want to be there when you unravel. I want to taste your moans and feel your body quake. Soon, I'll give you release. I promise. **

As he read through her message, the speed decreased again. Another text pushed the previous block up.

** Reggie: Continue to work. I want to be able to crash in your bed the second I finish with you. <3 **

Emil's heart skipped a beat, "You want to sleep here with me?" 

** Reggie: Focus. **

The speed and power increased this time, sapping the strength from his legs. His eyes crossed and his body collapsed into the engine compartment. "I-- I'm f--f--focusing." Emil stuttered out. The blast of energy continued for another 3 minutes, tapering off when his groans switched to pleading chants.

The dead air continued between them as he finished up the last of his maintenance, a few minutes shy of her supposed arrival. He slammed the hood closed and collected his tools, making sure each one found its home. 

"Tell me, pet. How badly do you want to come?" Regina's seductive rasp filtered through his earpiece and stopped him in his tracks. "Well?"

He scanned the gravel driveway for any signs of headlights. "I am starving for your touch. Please, I need to come." 

"Looking for me? I thought you wanted to come." She scoffed her retort.

A cold bead of sweat rolled down his face, "I want you more than the need to come." He smoothly stated, hearing the clacking of heels outside the carport. 

"Your wish is my command." She smugly stated and ended the call. Striding into the carport with her red Jimmy Choos, "Place your hands on the hood and spread your legs. I'll take care of the light." She sharply ordered.

He stammered to express his concerns over his messy attire, but a dangerous glare ended his conflicted thoughts.

"I will fuck you in the driveway if you speak another word." Sardonically adding, she flicked the light switch. Expecting to make good on her promise, she turned back to catch her pet's moonlit silhouette, posed and ready to be frisked. 'Now is not the time for a cop fantasy.' She cast off the thoughts and stalked up behind him. Her eyes trailed over his sweat-slick arms, inspecting the gritty smears of dust and oil coating nearly every inch of skin. "Unzip the overalls." She eyed the slow progress of the metal teeth. She enjoyed the tease he provided. "Remove your shirt. I am not about to ruin my favorite royal purple blouse." 

The idea sent alarm bells ringing in his head, "Please, don't touch my chest. Hard limit."

"I won't, but I want the shirt gone. Use it to clean some of the grease from your neck and arms. Then, drop your trousers and boxers down around your ankles. Definitely keep the boots on." She purred her demands, drawing out a throaty rasp as her mind lingered on the promising image of his naked body splayed over the hood.

Untying the sleeves of his coveralls from his waist, He freed the bottom of his shirt and peeled it off. Fresh air rolled down his back, providing him some relief from the heat consuming his flesh. Generously, Regina didn't turn on the toy until his boxers pooled around his ankles. "F--" Sealing the palm of her hand over his mouth, she stifled his moan and pressed her bare breasts into his back's coiled muscles.

"Careful, Mr. Swan, we wouldn't want to invite your neighbors to our private party." She whispered hotly into his ear as she snaked her hand down between his thighs. "You're so close to release, don't ruin this for yourself." Pressing her thumb into his swollen member, sent his hips into retreat. His escape ended with the feel of her hot, slick sex rubbed against his ass. "Someone wants to be pegged." Wickedly chuckling the idea, she rolled up on her heels and ground her apex into his posterior. "Would you want me to peg you? I know a handful of guys that loved having me dominate their ass. I could do that for you if you like." Her hand cupped his sex and guided him a step back, taking all the slack from his arms. "I did bring a toy, just for such an occasion, if you are interested."

Had this question been brought up before the long day of torture, he would have said no, but deliriously aroused and desperate for an orgasm, he was ready to agree to anything. Emil twisted his neck to meet his Mistress's lust-blown gaze. With her hand tightly clamped around his mouth, he nodded his agreement. 

"As much as our words can be useful, I want to implement a color system going forward. Playing like this requires more careful thought and coordination, if all is good, green. Sore or slightly uncomfortable, yellow. Uncomfortable, in pain, or too far down the rabbit hole, red." She released his mouth, "Do you understand, or would you like a better explanation?"

"Baby." He swallowed down a gulp of air. "Mistress, please fuck me before I die of a heart attack." 

"Absolutely, my love." She captured his lips in a heady kiss; her tongue demanded entry and met no resistance from the blonde. Her fingers wrapped around the swollen peak between his thighs and stroked the sensitive flesh until he curled into himself. She brought him back to the edge again and left him hanging there.

He trembled in the cold absence, listening to her rifle through a plastic bag. The sound of the cap clicking open caught his attention, but Emil waited out his curiosity and earned a chaste peck on his neck when she returned.

"Bend over; I am going to remove the massager." He followed the command and leaned over the hood with his rear pointing up. Cool, slick fingers slipped under the T-shaped base, and slowly the brunette removed the entire 3 inches from his tight channel.

Empty, he felt his muscles relax for the first time in three hours. As sore as he was now, he could only dread how he would feel tomorrow morning when he has to roll out of bed.

"I'm so proud of you; you followed my instructions to the letter."

"I had the motivation to use the restroom at work on multiple occasions."

"I bet." They both chuckled up until she snapped the black latex glove. "Here we go." She warned a second before she sank two lubed fingers past the tight ring of muscle. His head slumped forward as his hips pressed back into the probing digits. She massaged the opening and worked more lubricant inside of him. Regina may have enjoyed torturing him, but she couldn't risk fudging this part in wanton desperation with the extended play. 

Satisfied he was sufficiently lubricated, she removed her fingers and discarded the glove. "New toy. Five insertable inches, with a one and a third-inch girth. It's wider than the plug, but not by much. You need to relax and let me control the pace and depth to avoid injury the first time. Immediately say red if anything hurts." He nodded his understanding. "Good boy." She lined up the tip of her dildo with his back entrance and slowly buried the head between his cheeks. The resistance drove her end deeper inside her, "Fuck you feel so good." Moaning her praise, she added more effort and popped the head through the elastic-like flesh.

Biting into his bicep, Emil tried to stifle the groan, clawing up his throat. More of her length slid into him, sending a torrent of electrical bliss to his throbbing center. The smooth feel of Regina's prosthetic cock soothed over the stinging flesh as it stretched the blonde open. 

"I'm going to pull out and add more lube. Stay still." She gently ordered, paying a sweetly brief kiss to his lower back. Emil's jaw tightened around his bicep; it took every last ounce of his will power not to drive himself down onto Regina's toy. He appreciated her caring about him, but the horny teenager was flipping the switches in his head. If he had to reverse cowboy her on the floor, dirt and oil stains be damned, he would happily take any punishment she deemed necessary.

She removed the entire length catching a disappointed look from her partner. "Don't be like that. I am not some guy wanting to hump your backside. If you haven't already figured this out, Mr. Swan, you haven't paid attention to me. I fuck like a woman. Slow or maybe fast. I could wine you and dine you first, or maybe go down on you under the table. If I'm bored, I might fuck you in a closet or spread you wide under the stars on a midsummer night and worship you until the morning sun rises. Or, in this case, bent over your car's hood just a few feet away from your neighbor's bedroom. I enhance your pleasure and stimulate your mind. The last thing I want to do is play this sloppy version of this fantasy I am creating and injure you because I didn't use enough lube. Do you really want to end up in the emergency room explaining this to a bunch of interns?" She raised a brow, squeezing out a generous amount of lube in her hand.

"Nope. You do you. Sorry." Her imposing silhouette was enough to get her point across, but the idea of a hospital trip under the circumstances she depicted mortified him. 

Grabbing his hip, she dug her nails into the pale flesh, eliciting another groan from her blonde pet. "I will go a little faster this time; there's enough lube to pass smoothly through your sphincter. It will hurt less." 

"Yes, please." He agreed, earnestly nodding his head.

Gripping around the base, she threaded the tip through his hole and stopped after she was roughly the same depth as last time. "Color?" She gently inquired.

"Green." He let out the breath he was holding and tilted his hips into the pleasant intrusion, taking another inch. "Green, go, go, go." He nearly shouted the words.

With his encouragement, she drove the last inch inside him and brought their bodies flush. "Now, for the best part." She hissed, adjusting the angle of the strapless base sheathed within her velvety folds. "It vibrates for both of us." She almost sang the happy statement. "Here, you can control the speed." Showing charity, she planned to reward him for his go behavior and mainly for enduring the torture, but really she wanted him to have a good safe experience.

He took the small remote and pressed the power button; they let out a moan as he turned down the power. "Sorry, that was unintentional."

"One-click to start it. Holding it will increase the speed and intensity, so be mindful of that. Let me worry about the thrusting part." Planting another kiss to the back of his neck, she slowly pulled a couple of inches out. "I love you." She whispered under her breath.

"What?" Turning to ask, he stopped with a purposeful thrust from her hips. The tip settled into his pelvic floor's pulsing flesh, causing him to shift his weight onto the head. His finger smashed the power button, sending the motor into a chaotic speed. Their first orgasm engulfed them, but neither had any intention of stopping.

Finding her momentum with her spasming core's clenching, Regina set a decent rhythm to send them to their next climax carefully. By the time they hit their third, she was resting on top of his back.

"Please tell me that was enough for you." He shakily asked.

"Oh my god, I was hoping that was enough for you. I was done after two." 

"How do you turn it off?"

"Oh my god, I don't know. My brain is fried."

"Well, do something Reggie, my ass will die if you don't fix this."

"You're ass? What about my vagina."

"It was your idea."

"I can't move, Emil. I'm sorry." She started to chuckle at their helpless predicament. Thankfully the battery died a moment after she gave up.

Slumped together against the hood of the car, he turned his head to face her. With a big grin, he leaned forward and kissed her sweaty forehead. "So, Aleks invited me to a party on Saturday."

"Ask me in the morning, if either of us survive the night."


End file.
